The soiled fists of socks shucked before
   they fell lumbersome to bed, the dirty pans,
         the glasses their lips kissed fisted soapy
in my sink-worn hands. The flea-seeded sink,
         basin of stubble shorn, their low snores
            rumbling nights long as freight trains.

True, some nights their eyes pooled with light,
   cleared to brown, unmuddied their river bottoms.
         But more often, I liked best not being with them,
driving alone and thinking only of the fact of them.
         Their flat bodies I held with grave disrespect;
            perhaps this is why I sought them.

There were shadows beneath their eyes, and sweet
   and slow moments unzipping their flies. I may
         have gasped from time to time. But it is unfortunate,
for my men, that they knew me, and I knew them
         as men. My blankness should have never
            had anything to do with them. I tried