I

We buried the bird but the cat dug her up,
cat dug her up, cat dug her up,
we buried the bird but the cat dug her up,
so we ground her in the disposal.

We buried the cat but the dog dug her up,
dog dug her up, dog dug her up.
We buried the cat but the dog dug her up,
so we cremated her in the oven.

We buried the dog but the kids dug him up,
kids dug him up, kids dug him up,
we buried the dog but the kids dug him up
so we chopped him into pieces.

We buried the kids but the cops dug them up
cops dug them up, cops dug them up,
we buried the kids but the cops dug them up,
and where we are going we won’t be dug up
after we sit on Ol’ Sparky.

                                             II 

Oh, sure, he can’t control his bowels
and since the stroke he drools,
and sings those dirty army songs
about the family jewels.

Refrain: When Granddad says, “Please kill! me!”
you mustn’t help him die—
no matter how he begs and pleads
and tries to tell you why.