St. Joseph’s Center for Mental Health,
                                     Adolescent Ward, 1989

1. The Dark Lament of His Mouth

Before I was done being born, earthlight
cluttered the floor: small insects fingered my back
and chest, my walls tranquil with the velvet
drape of roots and with cement’s cold breath.
In a chain’s motion, I heard the mole’s thoughts
in darkness lit by my hands, I heard my heart
and the writhing tails of rats. I broke
(as an act of silence) their awful paws,
felt my way into a voice I held
inside my claws as birds resemble sleep.
That was where I saw my Other—the body
I could please, a fog on the dark glass
nocturnal in reflection, my veiled vessel
to whom I said, I want to be a horseman.

2. Solitude

And now, a child, there on the floor, quiet
as wood; when smiling, a ceramic bowl,
and ceasing to be or finding myself
still—light dimming my invisible veins.
Always on Advent eve, the horror glass,
sterility of the clock, fingers thrilled
with a fire, the whole world in bed early.
Strange illuminations. From my room,
earth’s darkness miles deep. And so it begins
in the auspices of rain, in getting up
from the glass, loosening water, in men,
in their laughter, in memorizing tricks.
This is the silent genius of the deaf—
eyes watering, lips wondering: “Jesus.”

3. Whiteness

Closer to gods I enter my limp, carefully
step through heaven, where children sully
hot stone, where we keep to ourselves,
most things the burnished pearl of owl’s
claw, snow in siege, the eyes of community
painless light. Where boys become a human room
for animals to fight; slim breeds,
thin as the thief’s hand, as the plum’s skin,
bleed. Where those that come closest die.
Then pleasure. Then we speak the language
restive from a throat, wild, an ugly
tongue by which I will consider these
new things (away from the room) you—like my
rat-bloodied hand, like my sacred heart.

4. On the Albino Farm

The artisans assume their human shape.
Their practiced claws wake to find my name,
to carve me into fruit, my likeness veiled
beneath the harvest of the field. In heat
the sheets haunt stalks; in their drained skin
they discover winter, scurry for a snow
they plant deep into the color of men.
The specters hear me speak, they listen
for my voice and feed. The demons live
inside my speech and stutter in my throat—
they make me say the things I didn’t mean
and search the earth for sound. They sing without
a voice. They wait to live, dissolve to sleep.
They eat. They burn. They harbor all the deaf.