When it hit me. Fumbling for a smoke, I sank down heavily onto a concrete bench

beside the circle drive. There was no view except for rows of glarestruck windshields, shimmer

of asphalt—bypasses and freeways—and a venomous, blood-orange dusk above it all.

I took a deep drag. Thirty days had passed since I’d checked in, and wandered through the ward

with torn implosions in each ear—as fireflies flooded the trelliswork of synapses—

for three straight days, before I knew where I was. It was the top floor of State Hospital,

our dayroom windows facing out across the vast exhaustion of the Midwest, where

electrical dust storms tinged the air, an aura of migraine settling over the river hills …

Day after day, we’d gather there for Peer Group— some in wheelchairs, some with IV poles—

each trying to calm the tremors in his hands. Whenever someone spoke, whenever someone

started to piece a narrative together out of threads of smoke, the infused ache