Issue 66, Summer 1976
By far the most efficient method of ingesting food is by taking it in through the mouth, chewing, and then swallowing to propel it on its route to the stomach,” a noted medical researcher revealed today. “We spent a good deal of time on this problem,” said the expert who spent the major part of the last five years pursuing it. A large selection of laboratory animals, ranging from white mice, chimps, and finally to human volunteers, were used to secure the results. “We hope for quick confirmation of our findings,” he said referring to the practice in the scientific community of not accepting any results as final until they have been duplicated in independent experimentation. After a brief vacation, his next effort will be to find the most effective method of voiding waste products from the body.