Issue 123, Summer 1992
The best way to eliminate guilt
Is to have nothing to feel guilty about.
Thus spake my surrogate father
After smashing my surrogate brother’s face
Into a bowl of surrogate cereal
For not sitting the right way.
Your worst sin should be owning an air conditioner.
Your worst crime should be ripping the tags off
Predictable but effective.
He was confused.
He said “This is your life”
When what he really meant was
“This is my life.”
And these are her friends?
And this is what she admires?
A prostitute with a college education.
But keep it a secret.