Issue 48, Fall 1969
Not too long ago in the hills of our fatherland, on hill 311 to be exact, there lived a young girl divided into three parts: one part rock candy, one part fervent hope, and one part creative seclusion.
This girl spent the final years of her childhood perfecting a foolproof and at the same time fair system for the national lottery. She also developed a cheaper way to stamp coins and was the first person to reject microfilm storage of information using laser beams in favor of simple reliance upon memory banks honed to maximum flow in and minimum flow out. Through discoveries in the field of biochemistry so brilliant as to seem obvious she translated the metaphor of human life as movie into actual biological fact, thereby opening the way to organ and gland transplant by means of the relatively simple and easily learned techniques of film editing. Acting on a hunch, she was able in one short day to revolutionize the scope of human sexual and creative energy through an elementary “sidetrack” process, whereby the time any particular act consumed, if thought of in terms of space, was reduced drastically, since most of these acts involved very little movement such as sitting down, lying down, spreading out, and so on.