TPR vs. The New Yorker: The Softball Diaries



After the jump, a recap of Tuesday night’s softball game against The New Yorker.

Team   |1|2|3|4|5|6| Total

TPR    |3|1|1|2|0|1|   8

TNY    |2|0|1|0|0|0|   3

Pregame: It’s a tense start to the annual Paris Review v. New Yorker softball game. By staff size alone, the Small Fry (apparently it’s a rule that Condé Nast teams must have ridiculous names) should best the Parisians by an order of magnitude. But things start looking up when “Baseball Camp” Hatch shows up with a pouch of Red Man to bolster our baseball bona fides.

First inning: The Small Fry (tee-hee) are up to their old tricks by putting spin-baller Stew (sp?) Leeds on the mound. A follower of the Marco Roth school of pitching, Stew delivers long arching corkscrews to the general vicinity of the plate. It is all the Parisians can do to eke out three runs on misplayed grounders. (Fortunately, our team motto is “Force the Error.”) The New Yorker starts off the bottom of the inning strong, but David Remnick hits into a double play to end the inning.

Second inning: Star Parisian catcher Louisa Thomas has a long and tense conversation with Remnick, her former boss, behind the plate. Perhaps they’re discussing why The Paris Review has been so successful at poaching talent from 4 Times Square.

Third inning: Stephen “Leviathan” Hiltner starts off the inning with a solo home run, hit somewhere in the vicinity of the Harlem Meer. Andrew Rice follows up in the bottom of the inning with two improbable snags in center field to shut down a New Yorker counteroffensive. On the Small Fry bench, much wailing and gnashing of teeth.

Fourth inning: Beer arrives. The Review‘s team captain starts playing noticeably better.

Fifth inning: Both teams seem to find their rhythm defensively, culminating in a leaping catch by Jimmy “James J. Williams III” Williams in right field. It’s seven to three, and it doesn’t look like The New Yorker is going to be able to wiggle its way out of this one.

Sixth inning: As the North Meadow gets steadily darker, it becomes clear that this will be the final inning. In a hilarious rabbit-season-duck-season-style maneuver, two Paris Review players try to occupy third base at the same time. The Review gets just a single insurance run, but that will be more than enough to secure the win.

Postgame: Celebration at Tap a Keg, where the Small Fry play the 20 (shots in) under 40 (minutes) drinking game. Everyone loses.