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“Monet Refuses the Operation” by Lisel Mueller Issue no. 84 (Summer 1982)
Doctor, you say there are no haloes around the streetlights in Paris and what I see is an aberration caused by old age, an affliction. I tell you it has taken me all my life to arrive at the vision of gas lamps as angels, to soften and blur and finally banish the edges you regret I don’t see, to learn that the line I called the horizon does not exist and sky and water, so long apart, are the same state of being. Fifty-four years before I could see Rouen cathedral is built of parallel shafts of sun, and now you want to restore my youthful errors: fixed notions of top and bottom, the illusion of three-dimensional space, wisteria separate from the bridge it covers. What can I say to convince you the Houses of Parliament dissolve night after night to become the fluid dream of the Thames? I will not return to a universe of objects that don’t know each other, as if islands were not the lost children of one great continent. The world is flux, and light becomes what it touches, becomes water, lilies on water, above and below water, becomes lilac and mauve and yellow and white and cerulean lamps, small fists passing sunlight so quickly to one another that I despair, my brush not being long, streaming hair. To paint the speed of light! Doctor, our weighted shapes, these verticals, burn to mix with air and change our clothes, skin, bones to gases. If only you could see how heaven pulls earth into its arms and how infinitely the heart expands to claim the world, blue vapor without end.
Maya C. Popa is the poetry reviews editor of Publishers Weekly and the author of American Faith.
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