Classic Literature as Fortune Cookie Fortunes


Department of Tomfoolery

Happy 2019! Allow us to tell your fortune for the year to come using ten classic novels: 

1. Lord of the Flies

An exotic trip is just around the corner.

2. The Jungle

You’ll be amazed by the results of your hard work.

3. Beloved

The one you love is closer than you think. 

4. The Lottery

Expect an invitation to an exciting event.

5. A Christmas Carol

You will become better acquainted with a coworker.

6. The Picture of Dorian Gray

The person you desire feels the same about you.

7. Frankenstein

A friend is a present you give yourself.

8. Paradise Lost

You will soon receive advice from an unexpected source.

9. Metamorphosis

A dream you have will finally come true.

10. Lolita

Appreciate the little things in life.


Jean-Luc Bouchard is a fiction writer and contributor to The Onion. His work has appeared in PANK, Epiphany, Bridge Eight, and VICE.