{"id":98639,"date":"2016-05-26T16:50:44","date_gmt":"2016-05-26T20:50:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=98639"},"modified":"2016-05-27T11:35:31","modified_gmt":"2016-05-27T15:35:31","slug":"take-me-to-the-burger-king-spa","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/05\/26\/take-me-to-the-burger-king-spa\/","title":{"rendered":"Take Me to the Burger King Spa"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_98640\" style=\"width: 610px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/bkspa.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-98640\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-98640\" class=\"wp-image-98640\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/bkspa.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"387\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/bkspa.jpg 748w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/05\/bkspa-300x194.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (min-width: 62.5em) 67vw, 100vw\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-98640\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">One way to spend your free time.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>I read that <a href=\"http:\/\/www.cnn.com\/2016\/05\/17\/foodanddrink\/burger-king-sauna-spa-helsinki-finland\/\">a Burger King franchise in Helsinki has opened an in-store sauna<\/a>, serving Cokes and fries to visitors as they sweat it out, and my first thought was: I want to go there. I don\u2019t mean \u201cgo\u201d in the sense of an ironic pilgrimage, the way some people go to Dollywood or the Momofuku Ando Instant Ramen Museum. This is a more disturbing impulse. Even if I recognize the sauna for what it is\u2014a cynical ploy by a multinational corporation to hijack a local tradition, down to the inclusion of\u00a0BK-branded robes and towels\u2014I have an ingrained affinity for Burger King that resists rational argument. I could hurl a brick through the window of their corporate headquarters, but I know I\u2019d only end up wanting a Whopper as the cops handcuffed me.<\/p>\n<p>I haven\u2019t eaten at a Burger King in years, but I\u2019ve accepted that the Whopper is my madeleine. I guess this\u00a0makes BK\u2014the world\u2019s second largest fast-food hamburger chain, an amoral monolith helping to drive up the obesity rate by plying a misinformed, increasingly impoverished public with processed foodstuffs\u2014something like my Combray. As sad as it sounds, to sink my teeth through that sesame-seed bun is to activate long-dormant memories of \u2026 the sesame-seed buns of my childhood.\u00a0<!--more--><\/p>\n<p>I spent a lot of time in Burger Kings as a kid, so much so that the sight of <a href=\"http:\/\/img3.wikia.nocookie.net\/__cb20121104001359\/logopedia\/images\/thumb\/e\/e3\/Burger_king_logo_2.png\/150px-Burger_king_logo_2.png\">the midnineties BK logo<\/a>\u2014boxy and stout, replaced in \u201999 by the smoother version with a blue swoosh\u2014gives me a pang of sadness. I don\u2019t know why my family went so much, except that BKs were moderately more ubiquitous than their competitors. I grew up in a comfortable, affluent suburb, which means that a lot of my memories are this way: not just unremarkable but festooned with the emblems of corporate culture. What\u2019s human and alive in these memories is inseparable from what\u2019s branded about them. Actually, it\u2019s worse: what\u2019s branded about them sometimes feels like the only through line, the only way back from the present. (So you see, I wasn\u2019t totally exaggerating about Proustian memory.)<\/p>\n<p>Even when you\u2019re a kid, growing older is strange and hard. One of the ways it\u2019s hard is the brute fact of inaccessibility: you can\u2019t go back to the past. That never stops feeling unfair, even when the world you\u2019re denied comprises old-model Burger Kings with plastic booths and tiled drop ceilings and rasping ice dispensers failing to dispense ice.<\/p>\n<p>The old Burger King was homogenous and bland. It was also a place\u00a0where some people I love were still alive, sitting there eating <small>BK BIG FISH<\/small>\u00a0sandwiches, and where I had considerably fewer cares than I do now. In other words, it\u2019s still, trans fats and all, a place I sometimes want to return to. Sauna or no, the Burger King \u201cdining area\u201d has the benign, timeless safety of commercial space, designed to seem so stable that no evil could visit you there. That, to me, must have been part of its appeal when I was growing up: it was a faceless, deathless zone where you could Have It Your Way.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">*<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m sure I\u2019m not alone in feeling that the real estate in my head has been commercially developed, right down to my subconscious. (I dreamed last week that I switched antiperspirants.) And it\u2019s not just Burger King: When I caught lightning bugs in my yard growing up, it was in a cup clearly marked <small>SLURPEE<\/small>, such that to encounter the flickering beauty and wonder of fireflies even today makes me want a Slurpee. When brands, slogans, and logos are so braided into your consciousness, they\u2019ll take on an emotional valence. Nostalgia is the engine of desire.<\/p>\n<p>Who cares, you may say. Of course corporations have cultivated our minds. They\u2019re <em>corporations<\/em>. That\u2019s what they <em>do<\/em>. As a leftist talking point, rampant commercialism feels dated to the late eighties and nineties, when the anticonsumerist movement found traction and an increasingly visible \u201calternative\u201d culture prided itself on deriding\u00a0mainstream tastes. Visions of the future like those in <em>Infinite Jest<\/em> or even <em>Back to the Future Part II<\/em> depicted an America glutted with billboards and neon, where every square inch of space was bought and sold\u2014the eye, wherever it roamed, could not help but alight upon a Twinkie or a Diet Pepsi.<\/p>\n<p>Today that imagery seems facile, in part because the commercial machinery has grown more sophisticated. When companies are tracing your digital footprint, mining your personal data, and honing their ability to seduce you with goods and services, an ill-advised fast-food spa no longer seems such an urgent threat to our autonomy. As more attention goes to advertising\u2019s mechanisms, to the <em>quality <\/em>of ads, it\u2019s easy to forget that their quantity remains stupefying. As the satirists of the Gen X era predicted\u2014not that it took tremendous acuity on their part\u2014we\u2019re being advertised at more than ever. Even to mock the ass-\u00adcovering legalese \u00aes and \u2122s and \u00a9s feels trite now. Everyone has accepted these symbols as fixtures of the marketplace.<\/p>\n<p>Still, if we\u2019re going to carry around this commercial baggage, we would do well to unpack it \u2026 somehow. I think of two friends who had both spent time in Budapest many years ago\u2014what loomed largest for both of them was the city\u2019s Burger King, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.budapest.com\/city_guide\/attractions\/budapest_cultural_avenue.en.html\" target=\"_blank\">the biggest on the planet<\/a>. Probably\u00a0even Burger King execs would agree that, in a more perfect world, a memory of their restaurant would take a backseat to something more distinctly Hungarian. But that Burger King was designed to be remembered, just as the new Helsinki spa is. The noblest course of action would be to prevent these places from ever being built. But assuming that\u2019s beyond the power of mere mortals, the nearest solution would be a kind of willful self-preservation: to find a way to exist in the Burger King saunas of the world without completely going totally insane. It sounds impossible, but until recently, so did eating a burger in a 150-degree room, naked.<\/p>\n<p><em>Dan Piepenbring is the web editor of <\/em>The Paris Review.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I read that a Burger King franchise in Helsinki has opened an in-store sauna, serving Cokes and fries to visitors as they sweat it out, and my first thought was: I want to go there. I don\u2019t mean \u201cgo\u201d in the sense of an ironic pilgrimage, the way some people go to Dollywood or the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":38,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[419],"tags":[14238,15253,22524,19040,14897,22530,22529,16995,20082,11105,22526,19054,16098,4693,22525,22528,19027,22527],"class_list":["post-98639","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-arts-culture","tag-advertisements","tag-branding","tag-brands","tag-budapest","tag-burger-king","tag-burger-king-spa","tag-corporate-culture","tag-corporations","tag-fast-food","tag-finland","tag-helsinki","tag-hungary","tag-logos","tag-nostalgia-2","tag-saunas","tag-slurpees","tag-spas","tag-whoppers"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.4 (Yoast SEO v25.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Help Me. 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