{"id":96180,"date":"2016-03-28T16:47:13","date_gmt":"2016-03-28T20:47:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=96180"},"modified":"2016-03-28T17:11:19","modified_gmt":"2016-03-28T21:11:19","slug":"worst-kid-song-ever","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/03\/28\/worst-kid-song-ever\/","title":{"rendered":"Worst. Kid. Song. Ever."},"content":{"rendered":"<p><iframe loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/2tJ620x_Ra4\" width=\"600\" height=\"450\" frameborder=\"0\" allowfullscreen=\"allowfullscreen\"><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>The other day, my husband and I were talking about putting together a playlist for our nieces: a list of empowering, kid-appropriate songs in which women were treated with respect. We had fun thinking of titles: Aretha and\u00a0<em>All Hail the Queen\u00a0<\/em>and plenty of Dolly, for sure. But also Belle and Sebastian and sixties Brit pop. I started a Spotify station based on \u201cI\u2019m Into Something Good\u201d because I\u2019ve always thought the lines \u201cSo I asked to see her again \/ And she told me I could\u201d were sweet.<\/p>\n<p>And then, from this place of idealism, came perhaps the most inappropriate song to place on a little girl\u2019s playlist ever written. 1964\u2019s \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/watch?v=2tJ620x_Ra4\" target=\"_blank\">Little Children<\/a>,\u201d which was a number-one UK hit for Billy Jay Kramer and went on to chart at number seven Stateside.\u00a0<!--more--><\/p>\n<p>To the blessedly uninitiated, and in any context, this is arguably the creepiest pop hit ever written. But my situation rendered it especially grotesque. What were the songwriters\u2014J. Leslie McFarland\u00a0and\u00a0Mort Shuman\u2014<em>thinking?<\/em>\u00a0What were radio listeners thinking?\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Since there\u2019s no way to explain the song sans spoiler alert, I\u2019m just going to let you watch it. And if you can\u2019t do that, at least have a look at\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.metrolyrics.com\/little-children-lyrics-billy-j-kramer-the-dakotas.html\" target=\"_blank\">the lyrics<\/a>.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Here\u2019s a brief sample of the song\u2019s lyrical motif:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>Little children, you better not tell on me<br \/> I\u2019m tellin\u2019 you little children, you better not tell what you see<br \/> And if you\u2019re good, I\u2019ll give you candy and a quarter<br \/> If you\u2019re quiet like you oughta be and keep a secret with me<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Now, perhaps you\u2019re thinking,\u00a0<em>But it\u2019s okay! He explains it at the end of the song! He\u2019s just having a clandestine forbidden romance with someone!\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>You saw me kissin\u2019 your sister<br \/> You saw me holdin\u2019 her hand<br \/> But if you snitch to your mother<br \/> Your father won\u2019t understand<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>I made these points, without much conviction. But then my husband observed, \u201cFine. But do we know how old the sister is?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Either way, it\u2019s not going on the \u201cHealthy Example\u201d playlist.<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>How can I kiss her when I\u2019m ready to with little children like you around?<br \/> I wonder what can I do around little children like you<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p><strong>\u00a0<\/strong><em>Sadie Stein is contributing editor of\u00a0<\/em>The Paris Review<em>, and the\u00a0<\/em>Daily<em>\u2019s correspondent.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The other day, my husband and I were talking about putting together a playlist for our nieces: a list of empowering, kid-appropriate songs in which women were treated with respect. We had fun thinking of titles: Aretha and\u00a0All Hail the Queen\u00a0and plenty of Dolly, for sure. But also Belle and Sebastian and sixties Brit pop. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":178,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13115],"tags":[21692,17081,21693,13106,46,13487,13512],"class_list":["post-96180","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-our-daily-correspondent","tag-billy-jay-kramer","tag-creepiness","tag-empowerment","tag-lyrics","tag-music","tag-songs","tag-the-sixties"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.4 (Yoast SEO v25.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Creepiest Pop Song Ever? 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