{"id":94033,"date":"2016-02-02T11:55:32","date_gmt":"2016-02-02T16:55:32","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=94033"},"modified":"2016-02-03T09:42:43","modified_gmt":"2016-02-03T14:42:43","slug":"ernie-and-me","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/02\/02\/ernie-and-me\/","title":{"rendered":"Ernie and Me"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>Falling in\u2014and falling out\u2014with Hemingway.<\/em><\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_94037\" style=\"width: 610px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ernest_hemingway_in_milan_1918_retouched_3.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-94037\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-94037\" class=\"wp-image-94037\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ernest_hemingway_in_milan_1918_retouched_3.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"519\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ernest_hemingway_in_milan_1918_retouched_3.jpg 760w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ernest_hemingway_in_milan_1918_retouched_3-300x260.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (min-width: 62.5em) 67vw, 100vw\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-94037\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Ernest Hemingway in uniform as an American Red Cross volunteer, 1918. Portrait by Ermeni Studios, Milan, Italy. Photo: Ernest Hemingway Photograph Collection, John F. Kennedy Presidential Library and Museum, Boston<\/p><\/div>\n<p>As a young man of a certain kind, I read a lot of Hemingway growing up. My sixteen-year-old self, full of angst and emo aches, found a kindred spirit in Jake Barnes, even if Jake\u2019s brooding was much deeper, darker, and more significant than my own. The northern Michigan of the Nick Adams stories bore a passing resemblance to the Tahoe Basin, where I grew up, and my earliest attempts at creative work were pale imitations of \u201cThe End of Something\u201d and \u201cThe Three-Day Blow.\u201d <em>The Old Man and the Sea <\/em>bored me to video games the first time I tried it, but that didn\u2019t stop me from extolling Santiago\u2019s badassness at the dinner table.<\/p>\n<p>This was pre-9\/11 America, in a suburban, white-collar community far removed from battle or turmoil. My parents were both children of World War II veterans, and both had protested the Vietnam War; as a result, my brother and I had been raised with a healthy respect for the military, mixed with a healthy skepticism toward the application of military force. While my Hemingway obsession did confuse my mom a bit, she later told me she figured at least it wasn\u2019t drugs, or French philosophy.\u00a0<!--more--><\/p>\n<p>I started calling him Hem or Ernie in conversation, as if we were old friends. His pithy quotes, laden with macho pseudo-philosophy, infiltrated my <small>AIM<\/small> away messages and school assignments. \u201cA man can be destroyed but not defeated.\u201d \u201cHappiness in intelligent people is the rarest thing I know.\u201d \u201cThe only thing that could spoil a day was people.\u201d Et cetera. Having taken careful note of how his early career as a journalist shaped his prose, I joined the school paper and began saying things like \u201cFuck adjectives\u201d and \u201cSit down at the computer and bleed\u201d and \u201cThis article about the powderpuff game needs to be truer.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>My favorite Hemingway biography carried the title <em>A Life Without Consequences<\/em>. At the time, that seemed like a thing to aspire to.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">*<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s embarrassing to admit now, but <em>For Whom the Bell Tolls <\/em>had a lot to do with my joining the Army ROTC program in college. I wrote my history thesis on the Abraham Lincoln Brigade, the American volunteers who fought Franco and fascism in Spain over our government\u2019s objections. The dark, awful romance of it all was like a siren song\u2014the fact that they\u2019d been dismissed as \u201cpremature antifascists,\u201d like it was a bad thing, became a common rant of mine during beer-pong games. We were in the Bush era now: my worldview was being shaped by politicians who\u2019d spent their youths doing everything they could to avoid military service, but who couldn\u2019t be more eager to send me and my peers into combat. For freedom, they said. But it felt like something else to me. At the beer-pong table, I began to replace my talk of premature antifascists with a rant about chicken hawks.<\/p>\n<p>One weekend in early 2003, my roommate traveled to DC to protest the looming invasion of Iraq. I went to Fort Jackson, South Carolina, for a ROTC field-training exercise held in a swamp. Hemingway\u2019s books stayed with me during all of this, though I referred to him as Papa now, because I\u2019d learned the power of reverence. I held deep misgivings about the Iraq invasion. Preemptive war (even ironically reactionary preemptive war) seemed counter to our republic\u2019s spirit, somehow, or at least to its idealized spirit. The Abraham Lincoln Brigade had reacted to a coup, to defend an idea. Whatever Iraq was going to be, it was never going to be that.<\/p>\n<p>Was Iraq inevitable? Of course not. But as angry debates about yellowcake and weapons of mass destruction filled our television screens, it sure looked that way. I could leave ROTC\u2014my parents offered to find a way to pay back the scholarship money, if that\u2019s what I wanted to do. I told them I wasn\u2019t even thinking like that, but I was, I was thinking like that a lot. Even so, history was happening, and I knew that the Hemingways of the world\u2014and the Robert Jordans, the Jake Barneses, the Nick Adamses\u2014didn\u2019t jeer at history. They weren\u2019t interested in something as small and self-involved as moral purity, not when it came time to act. They participated in history, or at least they tried.<\/p>\n<p>I was proud of my thesis on the Abraham Lincoln Brigade. Before I turned in the final version, I added an epigraph from <em>For Whom the Bell Tolls<\/em>: \u201cToday is only one day in all the days that will ever be. But what will happen in all the other days that ever come can depend on what you do today.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I wanted to believe that. More specifically, I wanted to live a life in service of that. The others did, too. So we went.<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_94038\" style=\"width: 610px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ernest_hemingway_recuperates_from_wounds_in_milan_1918.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-94038\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-94038\" class=\"wp-image-94038\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ernest_hemingway_recuperates_from_wounds_in_milan_1918.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"800\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ernest_hemingway_recuperates_from_wounds_in_milan_1918.jpg 604w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ernest_hemingway_recuperates_from_wounds_in_milan_1918-225x300.jpg 225w\" sizes=\"auto, (min-width: 62.5em) 67vw, 100vw\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-94038\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Hemingway, an American Red Cross volunteer, recuperates from wounds in Milan, September 1918. Photo: Ernest Hemingway Photograph Collection\/John Fitzgerald Kennedy Library, Boston<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Like many of those young men who\u2019d read a lot of Hemingway growing up, I turned on him. I broadened my reading horizons, for one, and discovered he owed more to Crane, Stein, Tolstoy, and others than he\u2019d liked to betray. The spare style so associated with him was less an invention than it was a repurposing\u2014obvious to even a fledgling literary scholar, perhaps, but not to young men swept up in mythos.<\/p>\n<p>Moreover, I was encountering a number of other Hemingway disciples. My complex, I saw, wasn\u2019t special. Worse, it didn\u2019t even signify intelligence. Some of the other professed devotees were actually quite stupid: they\u2019d read <em>The Sun Also Rises <\/em>as a book about partying and <em>Men Without Women <\/em>as a book about men without women.<\/p>\n<p>There were more corporeal and immediate reasons for my Hemingway reevaluation, too. I was an Army officer now, in charge of a scout platoon of thirty soldiers preparing to deploy to Iraq. I was finding that the leadership approaches of Hemingway\u2019s protagonists\u2014what with their seriousness and self-seriousness, their righteousness and self-righteousness\u2014didn\u2019t work in my new world. I needed to be open with my men, genuine, even funny sometimes. And the circumstances of how Hemingway had become a war hero, wounded by mortars delivering cigarettes and chocolates to the infantry at the front, suddenly tugged at the soul. The authenticity of the man who\u2019d advised \u201cWrite what you know\u201d fell into question. Which wouldn\u2019t have mattered so much if authenticity hadn\u2019t been at the core of the Hemingway myth.<\/p>\n<p>He\u2019d been a pretender, I thought, something James Jones\u2014another young man of a certain kind who\u2019d turned on his influence\u2014had in mind when he wrote, \u201cYou know what <em>really <\/em>ruined Hemingway? It was the 2nd war, when all the boys found out what war was really like.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>When we arrived in Iraq and got shot at the first time, the Papa doctrine was, for me, completely undermined. It didn\u2019t feel like I\u2019d gone through a great crucible of manhood, let alone \u201cthe best subject of all,\u201d as Hemingway had once referred to war in a peacocking letter to F. Scott Fitzgerald. It just felt like my friends and I had been shot at. It wasn\u2019t good.<\/p>\n<p>We were there for fifteen long, strange months, part of the fabled surge that \u201cwon\u201d the war. Looking back on that time and place, the thing I\u2019m most proud of is a very un-Hemingway thing, I think, and certainly an unmanly man-at-war thing: none of my soldiers ever shot their weapons. We took fire, we dodged real and fake roadside bombs, we saw silhouettes running around with rocket launchers, which turned out to be kids playing with plastic toys given to them by insurgents. Only one of my men was wounded\u2014in a freakish, noncombat incident\u2014and he\u2019s living a full life now. We were gentle far more often than we were forceful.<\/p>\n<p>We weren\u2019t ideal counterinsurgents and occupiers, if such a thing can exist, but we were damn fine ones. We tried to find justness, perhaps even justice, amid rampant unjustness and corruption. We tried to channel hope and idealism into something real and meaningful, into something sustainable. We blundered, then we learned. We opened schools. We detained insurgents. We brought down the violence numbers and raised up the local economy and left thinking that lasting peace in our part of Babylon was no longer a mirage.<\/p>\n<p>We did our absolute best. It wasn\u2019t enough.<\/p>\n<p>A couple years ago, I reread my old college thesis. Parts of it, in their naked idealism and romanticism, made me cringe, but it was a solid effort from a twenty-two-year-old kid in love with language, even if he didn\u2019t know what to do with it. I read the epigraph last. The line about the days and the todays and the other days. I sighed at it, then read it again. Then I put down the thesis and went to the bookshelf and pulled down the thick paperback. \u201cYou fuck,\u201d I told the book. I opened it and, to my surprise, read for many hours. Ernie could still weave a hell of a yarn.<\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_94036\" style=\"width: 610px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ernest_hemingway_aboard_the_pilar_1935_-_nara_-_192674.jpg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-94036\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-94036\" class=\"wp-image-94036\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ernest_hemingway_aboard_the_pilar_1935_-_nara_-_192674.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"425\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ernest_hemingway_aboard_the_pilar_1935_-_nara_-_192674.jpg 1691w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ernest_hemingway_aboard_the_pilar_1935_-_nara_-_192674-300x212.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ernest_hemingway_aboard_the_pilar_1935_-_nara_-_192674-768x544.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/ernest_hemingway_aboard_the_pilar_1935_-_nara_-_192674-1024x725.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (min-width: 62.5em) 67vw, 100vw\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-94036\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Hemingway with a tommy gun aboard his yacht, the <em>Pilar<\/em>, in 1935.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>\u201cMen respond as powerfully to fictions as they do to realities \u2026 in many cases they help to create the very fictions to which they respond,\u201d Walter Lippmann once wrote. I\u2019ve thought about this a lot as I\u2019ve made my own transition from war to writing about it. Is it possible to take on the subject without mystifying it, without romanticizing it? It was a formative time, but a formative time much like any other.<\/p>\n<p>Meanwhile, we\u2019ve made our peace, Hem and me. He\u2019s just a writer to me now, and his work matters more than the myth ever did. Of course he\u2019s spawned a legion of imitators and posers. He put in the work. Besides, his pithy macho quips can\u2014sometimes\u2014hold up. Writing what you know, for example. That\u2019s inspired many a reckless idiot to pursue the reckless and the idiotic, but direct experience is only one way of many to know something. And Hemingway\u2019s obsession with finding the \u201ctrue\u201d bits\u2014it took me time and perspective to figure out he meant more than transcribing reality, but tapping into the emotional wells of human existence and perspective. (That\u2019s not \u201ctruth,\u201d exactly, but macho pseudo-philosophies require some malleability.)<\/p>\n<p>Granted, he made his share of overwrought decrees. Like this business about sitting down at the typewriter and bleeding. What the hell does that even mean? No one likes an emo, Papa.<\/p>\n<p>Last year, my wife and I adopted a dog, a goofy, sweet-natured retriever mix who loves existence for what it is. We discussed a few possible names, inspired by the books in our apartment. Only one felt right, though. Ernie\u2019s my friend again, and a daily inspiration. Now he makes me throw the ball for him instead of brooding with me over the enduring nature of armed conflict. He plays easily, his tongue hangs out the side of his mouth, and he tends to keep away from the moody husky in charge of the dog park. He\u2019s too busy having fun to deal with alpha-male bullshit.<\/p>\n<p>His namesake\u2014the man and the myth\u2014would take offense at all that, I hope.<\/p>\n<p><em>Matt Gallagher is a former U.S. Army captain and Iraq war veteran. His debut novel <\/em><a href=\"http:\/\/books.simonandschuster.com\/Youngblood\/Matt-Gallagher\/9781501105746\" target=\"_blank\">Youngblood<\/a> <em>is out this week.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Falling in\u2014and falling out\u2014with Hemingway. As a young man of a certain kind, I read a lot of Hemingway growing up. My sixteen-year-old self, full of angst and emo aches, found a kindred spirit in Jake Barnes, even if Jake\u2019s brooding was much deeper, darker, and more significant than my own. The northern Michigan of [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":655,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4393],"tags":[20986,4064,16689,17,20183,20983,20990,571,71,13737,4410,1219,2744,20987,20984,12612,20985,20989,53,20988,7110,183],"class_list":["post-94033","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-first-person","tag-a-life-without-consequences","tag-adolescence","tag-american-literature","tag-books","tag-combat","tag-deployment","tag-emo-kids","tag-ernest-hemingway","tag-fiction","tag-fighting","tag-for-whom-the-bell-tolls","tag-george-w-bush","tag-iraq","tag-jake-barnes","tag-machismo","tag-masculinity","tag-men-without-women","tag-nick-adams","tag-reading","tag-robert-jordan","tag-the-sun-also-rises","tag-war"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.4 (Yoast SEO v25.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Ernie &amp; Me\u2014A Soldier Falls In, and Falls Out, with Hemingway<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Matt Gallagher, author of Youngblood, on how reading Hemingway affected his experiences as a soldier.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/02\/02\/ernie-and-me\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Ernie and Me by Matt Gallagher\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"February 2, 2016 \u2013 Falling in\u2014and falling out\u2014with Hemingway.As a young man of a certain kind, I read a lot of Hemingway growing up. 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