{"id":94009,"date":"2016-02-01T17:50:58","date_gmt":"2016-02-01T22:50:58","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=94009"},"modified":"2016-02-01T18:05:05","modified_gmt":"2016-02-01T23:05:05","slug":"ornery-little-critters","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/02\/01\/ornery-little-critters\/","title":{"rendered":"Ornery Little Critters"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_94012\" style=\"width: 610px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/sjperelman.png\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-94012\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-94012\" class=\"wp-image-94012\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/sjperelman.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"409\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/sjperelman.png 1317w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/sjperelman-300x204.png 300w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/sjperelman-768x523.png 768w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/02\/sjperelman-1024x697.png 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (min-width: 62.5em) 67vw, 100vw\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-94012\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">S. J. Perelman, ca. 1957.<\/p><\/div>\n<p><em>From a letter sent by S. J. Perelman to Betsy Drake, dated May 12, 1952. Perelman, one of the most popular humorists of his time, was born on this day in 1904; he died in 1979. Donald Barthelme called him \u201cthe first true American surrealist.\u201d<\/em> \u201c<em>I classify myself as a writer of what the French call\u00a0feuilletons\u2014that is, a writer of little leaves. They\u2019re comic essays of a particular type,\u201d <a href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/interviews\/4536\/the-art-of-fiction-no-31-s-j-perelman\">Perelman told <\/a><\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/interviews\/4536\/the-art-of-fiction-no-31-s-j-perelman\" target=\"_blank\">The Paris Review<\/a><em><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/interviews\/4536\/the-art-of-fiction-no-31-s-j-perelman\"> in 1963<\/a>. Here he advises Drake on the miseries of screenwriting. \u201cThe mere mention of Hollywood induces a condition in me like breakbone fever. It was a hideous and untenable place when I dwelt there, populated with few exceptions by Yahoos, and now that it has become the chief citadel of television, it\u2019s unspeakable,\u201d he told the <\/em>Review<em>.\u00a0<\/em><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>I was floored by your decision to exchange the grease-pencil and the mummer\u2019s mask for the quill. Convinced, like everyone, that anybody else\u2019s profession is better than his own, my stomach turned over twice at the thought of you sitting in a hot little office in South Beverly Hills scratching verbs. Or adjectives. They are the least responsive, most ornery little critters in the world to work with, and I needn\u2019t tell you how exasperating, befuddling, and dismaying a full day of struggling with them can be. I take it you are hacking out some sort of treatment which by now, undoubtedly, has burst its cocoon and become a beautiful screenplay. Well, kid, take a tip from a bruised refugee from the medium. The agony of creation is as nothing compared to what you will endure when (unless you yourself propose to speak all the parts) the actors get at it. And the producer. And the director \u2026 In short, you are batting a sticky wicket. You are, as W. S. Gilbert said, playing billiards on a twisted cloth with elliptical billiard balls. (He said it more felicitously\u2014I can\u2019t remember the exact words.) The aces, to put it still another way, are all tucked up your opponent\u2019s sleeves. In spite of all which pessimism, don\u2019t lose heart. After you\u2019ve succumbed to impulse and flung the portable against the wall and gone out and got drunk and bought a new hat and sobbed yourself to sleep and awakened with a hangover, sit down again and look at what you wrote yesterday. It isn\u2019t that bad; in fact, it\u2019s acquired a strange kind of validity from just lying there overnight. At least, it\u2019s a beginning. This is what I always tell myself. And I am capable of as much self-deception as any man of my weight and age in existence \u2026 I\u2019d probably better stop before I begin giving you little travelogues about Washington in cherry-blossom time, the witchery of girls in their summer dresses on Fifth Avenue, and roguish-eyed cops flirting with nursemaids. I shall be lunching on Friday with an editor who has it in his power to dispatch me to the Coast on some trumped-up mission this summer, like measuring the size of Dore Schary\u2019s hindquarters for the Smithsonian, so keep your fingers crossed \u2026<\/p>\n<p><em>S. J. Perelman\u2019s correspondence is available in\u00a0<\/em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Dont-Tread-Me-Selected-Perelman\/dp\/0140094822\/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&amp;ie=UTF8&amp;qid=1454366526&amp;sr=1-1&amp;keywords=9780140094824\" target=\"_blank\">Don\u2019t Tread on Me: The Selected Letters of S. J. Perelman<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>From a letter sent by S. J. Perelman to Betsy Drake, dated May 12, 1952. Perelman, one of the most popular humorists of his time, was born on this day in 1904; he died in 1979. Donald Barthelme called him \u201cthe first true American surrealist.\u201d \u201cI classify myself as a writer of what the French [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":928,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1900],"tags":[20979,2046,5733,1427,995,687,182,81,20980,12643,7782,20978,2393,75],"class_list":["post-94009","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-correspondence","tag-betsy-drake","tag-business","tag-correspondence-2","tag-donald-barthelme","tag-hollywood","tag-language","tag-letters","tag-movies","tag-s-j-perelman","tag-screenplays","tag-the-art-of-fiction","tag-treatments","tag-words","tag-writing"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.4 (Yoast SEO v25.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Writing Advice from S. J. 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