{"id":93352,"date":"2016-01-11T12:08:11","date_gmt":"2016-01-11T17:08:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=93352"},"modified":"2016-01-11T12:51:14","modified_gmt":"2016-01-11T17:51:14","slug":"pimped-for-a-part","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/01\/11\/pimped-for-a-part\/","title":{"rendered":"Pimped for a Part"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>My mother makes a match.<\/em><\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_93355\" style=\"width: 610px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/fiorellos.jpeg\" rel=\"attachment wp-att-93355\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-93355\" class=\"wp-image-93355\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/fiorellos.jpeg\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"528\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/fiorellos.jpeg 768w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/fiorellos-300x264.jpeg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (min-width: 62.5em) 67vw, 100vw\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-93355\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Image via New York Public Library.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>My mother was open-minded about the boys I brought home. She was, in fact, oblivious to any of their flaws. In high school, in Philadelphia, my platinum-haired boyfriend, Billy, who walked with a strut and stole cars, OD\u2019d in our basement under my black-light poster of Jimi Hendrix; Mom was fine about my visits to him in the locked ward in the Quaker mental hospital across the street from us on Roosevelt Boulevard. My next boyfriend, Randy, a whimsical outpatient with a genius IQ at the same hospital\u2014we met on the bus; he was coming from prep school\u2014got permission to have dinner with us one evening and afterward played with my gerbil. Randy blurted that he hallucinated perpetually because of all the LSD he\u2019d taken and that now he was on Thorazine, Elavil, and a third prescription I can\u2019t recall. My mother\u2019s only comment: he should trim his nails.<\/p>\n<p>She did seem to cotton on\u00a0to my Mormon suitor in college (my only vice was tea) but criticized his piano playing as \u201cstiff.\u201d She did not seem disturbed when four years later I had a \u201cdancer\/artist\u201d boyfriend in sex therapy (\u201cYou\u2019re sexually repulsive to me,\u201d he\u2019d confided, \u201cbut don\u2019t take it personally, all women are\u201d), and she said nothing disparaging about his successor, an alcoholic Columbia University student\/construction worker who accidentally burned, hoping to keep warm during a cold snap, all the savings he\u2019d hidden in his never-used oven. He once showed up drunk at four <small>A.M.<\/small> with a lipstick-swished cheek and confessed he\u2019d kissed another woman who\u2019d bought him a cabbage, but it was me he really loved, he said, and then punched a hole in my door. Mom remained mute when I confided I\u2019d met, in Egypt, a much younger French Algerian paratrooper named Karim, even when I revealed that he would call me long distance from Marseilles and never talk\u2014simply whisper my name and breathe for twenty minutes, or play a tape of music he\u2019d written. My bass-player roommate at that time, Sara, once quipped, \u201cKarim\u2019s mother\u2019s not going to be very happy when she sees that phone bill.\u201d\u00a0<!--more--><\/p>\n<p>My mom was unfazed by it all. My parents were bohemians. And how could my mother know normal behavior having married Vic, my stepfather, who exposed us to the underbelly, fanfare, and hayrides of mental institutions and halfway houses in all his therapy \u201cjobs\u201d from Baltimore to Chicago to Philadelphia to D.C.?<\/p>\n<p>Vic held group-therapy sessions on our sun porch in Philadelphia, and I, fifteen at the time, was designated to serve beverages during breaks. Balancing a tray unsteadily in one hand, I\u2019d knock and slide open the sunporch doors, feeling all the eyes scanning my lithe silhouette, from my permed-out Botticelli hair to my narrow hips to my too-long, too-skinny legs, semi-camouflaged in lavender bell-bottoms. It was always traumatic; for a shy teenager, this was tantamount to stepping out onto a stage \u2026 and I didn\u2019t even have a speaking part. (Did I even smile?) Vic\u2019s male clients, all ten to fifteen years older, hit on me. The tall, marvelously beak-nosed Capricorn, Alan, volunteered to be my algebra tutor\u2014I\u2019d already failed geometry twice\u2014and took me to concerts in Rittenhouse Square and said he fantasized about what I\u2019d look like dancing. Even the dashing homosexual, George van Horn, sought out my company, giving me his archaic silverpoint pens and unfurling his haunting self-portrait canvas, half man, half skeleton, to show me, as if proximity to his therapist\u2019s stepdaughter would accelerate his healing and spiritual illumination.<\/p>\n<p>Most persistent was Robert, the med student, who invited me on nature hikes with a magnifying loop to scrutinize lichen; these hikes included sleepovers\u2014me in the guest room\u2014at his place. He was my only true friend: we exchanged romantic nineteenth-century-style illustrated letters. When I started college, Robert, now a pathologist looking for a lichen-loving virgin bride, proposed to me in one such letter. I replied that I couldn\u2019t marry him because I was too young\u2014that I didn\u2019t even know how to make lasagna. Being Italian, he understood.<\/p>\n<p>Throughout all this, Mom made no judgments whatsoever. She trusted Vic to guard my virtue. \u201cNot one finger on my daughter, <em>capisce<\/em>?\u201d he admonished Robert each time he\u2019d ferry me away in his VW bug.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">*<\/p>\n<p>For years I thought my mother was cultivating a cavalier attitude, but now that I think on it, I realize she had, and still has, a gift for overlooking the glaring flaws of both her husbands. She chose to see their merits. My biological father was bipolar, and she found the roller-coaster range of his emotions more riveting than troublesome. She saw creativity, passion, drama, and humanity in Vic, a former trumpet player who\u2019d pursued Billie Holiday and lost his lip, even though he had anger-control issues and never earned more than fifteen thousand dollars a year\u2014he saw patients for free if they were broke. If she could overlook, forgive, or, even more amazing, enjoy her husbands, it made sense that she would see halos, however banged up and dented, over my young suitors.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">*<\/p>\n<p>It wasn\u2019t until Vic and Mom moved to San Diego, and her career as an actor started to blossom, that my mother set me up, for the very first time, on a date. Let\u2019s call him Z.<\/p>\n<p>Z, a success in the San Diego theatre, had directed my mother in John Patrick Shanley\u2019s <em>Italian American Reconciliation<\/em>. \u201cBowery Sparkles with Shanley Play,\u201d \u201cIt\u2019s Zesty and Italian,\u201d and \u201cSlice of Moon,\u201d gushed the reviews. The actors got raves, too. \u201cThey all radiate under Z\u2019s direction.\u201d The reviews featured photos of the cast, and my mother\u2014sporting an adorable, comic, sort of Lucille Ball expression\u2014was in most of them. She talked about this director with reverence and admiration in nearly every phone conversation; she longed to be in the next play he was directing, there was a part she desperately wanted, but she was having trouble reading the way he felt about her work. When I finally flew out to San Diego for a visit\u2014she insisted that I meet Z for a drink.<\/p>\n<p>Z\u2019s eyes were penetrating. Relentless. You were his captive when he asked you a question. I sensed he could have handled the psychodramas of my family. He could have directed the clients in Vic\u2019s most \u201chopeless\u201d wards. He was intense, charming, powerful, and, I remember asking, a Leo. He took me to one of those subterranean places with candles in amber-colored cut-glass containers; the furniture was robust, dark wood and you felt obliged to order red wine. I don\u2019t know whether it was theatrical training, but he really knew how to make eye contact.<\/p>\n<p>I remember thinking, early in the evening, that he seemed more mature than most of the men I knew. Even his hair looked mature\u2014it radiated success, like a movie star from the forties. He had a thickly waved, grown-up haircut\u2014nothing scraggly, no ponytail, no buzz cut, no hipster shag, no goatee, no soul patch, no looming sideburns\u2014and a twist of gray.<\/p>\n<p>It was strange, after all these years, that my mother had set me up on a date. Had she finally stepped up to the matchmaking plate and chosen a man she considered my ideal mate? She knew about Paul, my young, green-eyed (looming sideburns) bass-player-with-a-temp-job back home. Maybe she figured he wasn\u2019t marriage material. My friend Julie, a serial dater of vintage married men who lived abroad, was always administering relationship advice, telling me she saw me with an \u201colder man, someone to take care of me.\u201d Maybe she had a point. Did I really want to get serious with a skinny guy living off liquor-soaked Bundt cakes sent to clients at the holidays at his low-level paralegal job where he xeroxed band flyers on the sly?<\/p>\n<p>Lots of my friends had overbearing mothers. They bossed them around about fashion, food, where they\u2019d go to school, what they\u2019d study, and, most of all, boys. These mothers analyzed the entire resum\u00e9, forensically scrutinized the genealogy. None of them seemed concerned with matters of the heart; they were, in effect, trying to amputate the heart. I was pretty sure my mother had not asked any questions about my date\u2019s parents, let alone his ancestors. I thought back to Billy, my OD\u2019d-in-the-basement boyfriend: the night his father, wearing working-class dungarees, rang our bell, wringing his red-knuckled hands. He didn\u2019t want my parents to think badly of his son, who was detoxing in the hospital right across the street. My mother didn\u2019t invite Billy\u2019s father in. He stood under the bug-glazed lantern outside our front door, flanked by cypress trees, twitching as though he were in the presence of royalty. I was vaguely aware of the class distinction between our families but we, the DiMeo family into which I\u2019d been tossed, never considered ourselves elite. We were egalitarian. Vic, in fact, to his credit, subscribed to the controversial idea put forth by British psychologist R. D. Laing, that schizophrenic patients and their doctors should not be distinguished from each other by dress. So how did my mother become so \u2026 unconcerned with civility?<\/p>\n<p>Now, here I was, looking into the deep brown candlelit depths of a director my mother admired. He was tall, polite, didn\u2019t smoke. Revered in his field. Was this a perfect match? Had my mother found me someone who\u2019d be intellectually and artistically compatible? Someone not on drugs, not crazy, not poor, not gay? Was she hoping I\u2019d move to San Diego? Was she hoping we\u2019d fall in love? Was his halo unblemished, searingly golden?<\/p>\n<p>As the conversation buzzed along, I came to see that there was an amazing talent there, or so he thought. His talent soared larger than life. Being with him had the sort of frisson you experience with a celebrity. Those eyes! The intensity! The feeling of absolute connection and intimacy! He brushed my knee with his. Was it an accident? Nothing about him was accidental. So what if he didn\u2019t ask what sign I was. Lots of great men were not into astrology. He was curious, at least, about my work. It\u2019s true I had interviewed John Patrick Shanley for my magazine, and I began to suspect, even under the fuzzifying influence of red wine, that the director was looking for coverage in our Face to Face section as well. Although my magazine was not as haute-profile as <em>Vogue<\/em> or <em>Harper\u2019s Bazaar<\/em>, I was always amazed to see that people were much more intrigued with me when they knew I was an executive editor and not a waitress or librarian.<\/p>\n<p>I imagined Z would look as dashing in a doublet (<em>The Two Gentlemen of Verona<\/em>) or in a tuxedo (any Cole Porter play)\u2014but the main thing I remember about him, the thing that Mom left out of his biography, was that he was married. I don\u2019t remember at what point this was revealed; red wine was blurring the edge of my consciousness and although I was not feeling any sort of chemical attraction, I felt deceived. A wife. He had a wife like a stick of old furniture. The furniture was home while he was out with me. What was my mother thinking? That I\u2019d be charming? That I\u2019d be intriguing? Was her next thespian gig hinging on the outcome of our social intercourse? Did this guy, this <em>date<\/em>, have children, too? I don\u2019t think I asked. I decided that my mother simply didn\u2019t know. Z, however, did know.<\/p>\n<p>I got up to use the pay phone. I called Paul, the young bass player back in New York. It wasn\u2019t terribly serious. Or so I thought. But there was chemistry. He read fairy tales to me on Saturday afternoons and had held my coat as we walked through the Metropolitan Museum of Art. He\u2019d sent me otherworldly flowers after our first kiss and shared my affection for ferrets. And he was single. The singleness of him was suddenly dazzling. His affection, untarnished, unshared and pure. My date with Z was just the catalyst I needed to fall in love with Paul. When I flew back home, he met me at the airport. A few years later we got married. My mother adores him. She says he\u2019s the best thing that ever happened to me.<\/p>\n<p>As for Z, he didn\u2019t cast her in his new play, though she was, as I\u2019ve demonstrated, more than willing to let bygones be bygones. My mother never worked with him again.<\/p>\n<p><em>Laren Stover is the author of <\/em>Pluto, Animal Lover<em>,\u00a0<\/em>Bohemian Manifesto<em>, <\/em>A Field Guide to Living on the Edge<em>,<\/em><em> and <\/em>The Bombshell Manual of Style<em>. She writes for the<\/em>\u00a0New York Times<em> and the<\/em>\u00a0New York Observer<em> and is the editor-at-large of <\/em>Faerie Magazine<em>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>My mother makes a match. My mother was open-minded about the boys I brought home. She was, in fact, oblivious to any of their flaws. In high school, in Philadelphia, my platinum-haired boyfriend, Billy, who walked with a strut and stole cars, OD\u2019d in our basement under my black-light poster of Jimi Hendrix; Mom was [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":919,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4393],"tags":[639,19261,57,17908,6314,664,20729,12894,8226,2111,657,14404,6260,14646,7481,8432,2899,3988,20728,16755],"class_list":["post-93352","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-first-person","tag-acting","tag-actors","tag-advice","tag-boyfriends","tag-courtship","tag-dating","tag-daughters","tag-divorce","tag-family","tag-love","tag-marriage","tag-matchmaking","tag-mating","tag-mothering","tag-mothers","tag-parents","tag-relationships","tag-romance","tag-setting-up","tag-therapy"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.4 (Yoast SEO v25.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Pimped for a Part: The Story of My Mother\u2019s Matchmaking<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Laren Stover on her first and only experience being set up by her mother.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/01\/11\/pimped-for-a-part\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Pimped for a Part by Laren Stover\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"January 11, 2016 \u2013 My mother makes a match.My mother was open-minded about the boys I brought home. 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In high school, in\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/01\/11\/pimped-for-a-part\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Paris Review\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/parisreview\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-01-11T17:08:11+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2016-01-11T17:51:14+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/fiorellos.jpeg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"768\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"676\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Laren Stover\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@parisreview\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@parisreview\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Laren Stover\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"11 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/01\/11\/pimped-for-a-part\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/01\/11\/pimped-for-a-part\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Laren Stover\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/bb8ceabffa9cc149355b7e8c74c80266\"},\"headline\":\"Pimped for a Part\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-01-11T17:08:11+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2016-01-11T17:51:14+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/01\/11\/pimped-for-a-part\/\"},\"wordCount\":2219,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/01\/11\/pimped-for-a-part\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/fiorellos.jpeg\",\"keywords\":[\"acting\",\"actors\",\"advice\",\"boyfriends\",\"courtship\",\"dating\",\"daughters\",\"divorce\",\"family\",\"love\",\"marriage\",\"matchmaking\",\"Mating\",\"mothering\",\"Mothers\",\"parents\",\"relationships\",\"romance\",\"setting up\",\"therapy\"],\"articleSection\":[\"First Person\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/01\/11\/pimped-for-a-part\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/01\/11\/pimped-for-a-part\/\",\"name\":\"Pimped for a Part: The Story of My Mother\u2019s Matchmaking\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/01\/11\/pimped-for-a-part\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/01\/11\/pimped-for-a-part\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/fiorellos.jpeg\",\"datePublished\":\"2016-01-11T17:08:11+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2016-01-11T17:51:14+00:00\",\"description\":\"Laren Stover on her first and only experience being set up by her mother.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/01\/11\/pimped-for-a-part\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/01\/11\/pimped-for-a-part\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/01\/11\/pimped-for-a-part\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/fiorellos.jpeg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/01\/fiorellos.jpeg\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/01\/11\/pimped-for-a-part\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Pimped for a Part\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"The Paris Review\",\"description\":\"The best prose, interviews, poetry, and art. 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