{"id":909,"date":"2010-06-11T13:40:43","date_gmt":"2010-06-11T17:40:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=909"},"modified":"2010-06-18T14:30:07","modified_gmt":"2010-06-18T18:30:07","slug":"the-worm-ball-man-letter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2010\/06\/11\/the-worm-ball-man-letter\/","title":{"rendered":"The Worm-ball Man Letter"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><\/a><em>In the early eighties Terry Southern sent his <\/em>Saturday Night Live<em> collaborator Nelson Lyon an envelope containing three tabloid clippings and a letter written on ten sheets torn from a legal pad. Lyon calls this document \u201cThe Worm-ball Man Letter\u201d and has shared it with many people. In the humble opinion of <\/em>The Paris Review Daily<em>, it may well be the best pitch\u2014for anything\u2014ever written. The original came with clear instructions from Southern: \u201cRead after having read, and understood\u2014repeat, understood\u2014the news items.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\t\t<style type=\"text\/css\">\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 {\n\t\t\t\tmargin: auto;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-item {\n\t\t\t\tfloat: left;\n\t\t\t\tmargin-top: 10px;\n\t\t\t\ttext-align: center;\n\t\t\t\twidth: 33%;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 img {\n\t\t\t\tborder: 2px solid #cfcfcf;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t#gallery-1 .gallery-caption {\n\t\t\t\tmargin-left: 0;\n\t\t\t}\n\t\t\t\/* see gallery_shortcode() in wp-includes\/media.php *\/\n\t\t<\/style>\n\t\t<div id='gallery-1' class='gallery galleryid-909 gallery-columns-3 gallery-size-thumbnail'><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2010\/06\/11\/the-worm-ball-man-letter\/human_head_web1\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/06\/human_head_web1-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt><\/dl><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2010\/06\/11\/the-worm-ball-man-letter\/wormball_colr_web-2\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/06\/wormball_colr_web1-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt><\/dl><dl class='gallery-item'>\n\t\t\t<dt class='gallery-icon landscape'>\n\t\t\t\t<a href='https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2010\/06\/11\/the-worm-ball-man-letter\/human_head2_web1-1\/'><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" width=\"150\" height=\"150\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/06\/human_head2_web1-1-150x150.jpg\" class=\"attachment-thumbnail size-thumbnail\" alt=\"\" \/><\/a>\n\t\t\t<\/dt><\/dl><br style=\"clear: both\" \/>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<p>[Synopsis of articles and Terry\u2019s editorial notes:]<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>HUMAN HEAD TRANSPLATED ONTO PIG\u2019S BODY: describes the testimony of a Dr. Lewis Collins, of New York, who claims to have seen the hybrid beast. \u201cNels, I happen to know Lou Collins (Jns Hopkins, \u201962) and he\u2019s quite an able chap, so I can vouchsafe.\u201d In the article, Dr. Ruben Smith, surgeon from Los Angeles, is cited as having observed one of the successful \u201chuman head to animal\u201d transplant operations in China. Terry writes: \u201cNels, will you please check out Dr. Smith\u2014knowing your almost pathological cynicism, you\u2019ll not rest until you\u2019ve done so!!\u201d<\/li>\n<li>GIANT 13-FOOT WORM STRANGLES BABY: concerns the giant \u201cGippsland\u201d earthworm, and how one \u201ccrawled into the mouth of a six-month old baby\u2026came out through her nose, and wrapped so tightly around the child\u2019s neck, the baby strangled to death.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>ALBINO FRIES 3 TIMES: contains the following exchange with a prison guard: Q: \u201cDid you ever electrocute children?\u201d A: \u201cNo, but we did this one fellow, Humpy Russ. Hunchbacked little fellow. His arms went way past his knees. He was 5 foot and weighed 95 pounds, but he was downright raw mean. He was an albino black\u2026Old Humpy\u2019s head was too small for it and he was down too low\u2026It took us 3 times to do him.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p>[TO NELSON LYON:]<\/p>\n<p>The real thrust of this piece, of course, will be <em>story<\/em> and <em>character<\/em>, i.e., the personality and the electrocution of Little Humpy Russ. The image of these hefty Texans not being able to get little Humpy\u2019s head into the electrode-cap, or to bend the cap down far enough for a snug fit, is pivotal to the swelling of the progress of this extraordinary scene, I think you\u2019ll agree.<\/p>\n<p>They also try to bend the cap down to make <em>adequate<\/em> contact but are unable to do so. Nevertheless, they continue to \u2018hit the juice\u2019\u2014and each time there is a \u2018sizzling\u2019 and a \u2018bacon frying\u2019 smell. This one guy claimed that there was (is?) a \u201cdifferent smell\u201d to what he called \u2018albino cracklins\u2019 and \u2018regular nigger fry\u2019. This is the same guy who told me about the \u2018worm incident\u2019 and gave me the idea for telling the true story\u2014you know, sort of Woodward-Bernstein style. Well, it seems that after the second time they \u2018hit the juice\u2019 and Little Humpy was still \u2018alive and kicking\u2019, these 13-foot worms started coming out of his nose and mouth, apparently up through his body, trying to escape the extreme frits-city situation, coming out, as I say, of his nose and mouth, engulfing his entire head until it (his head) was about five times its ordinary size and was what this guy described as a \u201chuge worm ball.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>So here you have this extraordinary image, of this five-foot albino person, whose head now is a \u2018huge worm-ball,\u2019 writhing about in the chair, and these Slim Pickens types, cursing and trying to bend the electric copper-cap down far enough to encase his worm-ball head. If that doesn\u2019t strike you as bizarre, Nels, then your tastes are just a bit too jaded for me, sir. In any case, the next thing that happens (and so far, incidentally, this is <em>all straight fact<\/em>) is that this friend (or at least acquaintance) of mine, Lou Collins (\u2018Dr Louis Collins\u2019) whom I have known (casually, granted) for about 12-15 years (I would say about as well as I know Tone Goodstone, or maybe Van Dyke Parks, that sort of thing, know what I\u2019m saying?). Anyway, Lou Collins happens to be on the scene, having just come back from China and his whole weird head-transplant experience. Well, to make a long story short, Nels, one of the Texas guys gets so pissed off at the way things are going that he takes out his bowie knife and cuts off the worm-ball head, so Lou has the \u2018bright idea\u2019 of keeping the worm-ball head alive and transplanting it on something at a later date. So he manages to persuade (\u2018<em>bribes<\/em>\u2019 more like it, if you get my innuendo) one of the Texas lawmen to go out, catch an ordinary housecat and bring it back to the electric-chair room. There they cut off the cat\u2019s head and make the transplant\u2014nigger worm-ball head onto housecat. Now the worms (and we are talking 13-footers, Nels!) go for the cat\u2019s body. Hey, talk about your ever-lovin\u2019 writing spectacle! Here\u2019s a page from Davie Lynch, maybe even H. Crews himself! Well, as you can probably imagine, this so-called \u2018nigger worm-ball head cat\u2019 was not the easiest thing in the world to handle, I mean this was not some kind of little goodie-two-shoes <em>lap-dog<\/em> that just wanted to bill and coo\u2014this was a <em>very disturbed<\/em> critter!<\/p>\n<p>Casting for Little Humpy? Hold it, Nels, I can already hear you saying: \u201cHey, this is a <em>natural for Mick<\/em>! I think not, Nels\u2014with all due respect, ever since <em>Sugar Babies<\/em>, the Mick has borne the taint of \u2018comedian\u2019. How about Little Mason Reece? Remember him? Or the guy who played Cyrano\u2014what about him, he was short enough.<\/p>\n<p>I think you\u2019ll agree that the article entitled HUMAN HEAD KEPT ALIVE FOR 6 DAYS is proof o\u2019 pudding positive that we are on <em>solid ground physiologically<\/em>. A documented case and your basic kraut micro surgeon is no <em>dummkopf<\/em>!! In other words there is <em>no way<\/em> the integrity of our piece could be questioned by any of the so-called \u2018gabardine brigade\u2019! So it is quite feasible that the \u2018worm-ball head\u2019 could be kept alive until transferred to someone else\u2014<em>OR<\/em> do you feel it should remain on the <em>cat<\/em>, and thus more creature-like and\/or \u2018bestial\u2019, which seems to be all the rage now, am I right, Nels?<\/p>\n<p>Correct me if I\u2019m wrong, Nels, but here\u2019s one I think we\u2019ll want to be moving on in fairly quick order.<\/p>\n<p>Yrs in haste,<\/p>\n<p>T.<\/p>\n<p>Best to the ultra-fab.<\/p>\n<p>Letter follows.<\/p>\n<p>(Reprinted from Now Dig This by permission of the Terry Southern Literary Trust)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In the early eighties Terry Southern sent his Saturday Night Live collaborator Nelson Lyon an envelope containing three tabloid clippings and a letter written on ten sheets torn from a legal pad. Lyon calls this document \u201cThe Worm-ball Man Letter\u201d and has shared it with many people. In the humble opinion of The Paris Review [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29],"tags":[149,148,150,30,147],"class_list":["post-909","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-terry-southern-month","tag-news","tag-pitch","tag-tabloid","tag-terry-southern","tag-wormball-man"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.4 (Yoast SEO v25.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Worm-ball Man Letter by Lorin Stein<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"June 11, 2010 \u2013 In the early eighties Terry Southern sent his Saturday Night Live collaborator Nelson Lyon an envelope containing three tabloid clippings and a letter\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, 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