{"id":90693,"date":"2015-10-08T16:14:35","date_gmt":"2015-10-08T20:14:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=90693"},"modified":"2015-10-08T16:53:51","modified_gmt":"2015-10-08T20:53:51","slug":"back-away-slowly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2015\/10\/08\/back-away-slowly\/","title":{"rendered":"Back Away Slowly"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_90697\" style=\"width: 610px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/a_woman_diagnosed_as_suffering_from_hilarious_mania._colour_wellcome_l0026687.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-90697\" class=\"wp-image-90697\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/a_woman_diagnosed_as_suffering_from_hilarious_mania._colour_wellcome_l0026687.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"499\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/a_woman_diagnosed_as_suffering_from_hilarious_mania._colour_wellcome_l0026687.jpg 1094w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/a_woman_diagnosed_as_suffering_from_hilarious_mania._colour_wellcome_l0026687-300x250.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/a_woman_diagnosed_as_suffering_from_hilarious_mania._colour_wellcome_l0026687-768x639.jpg 768w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/10\/a_woman_diagnosed_as_suffering_from_hilarious_mania._colour_wellcome_l0026687-1024x852.jpg 1024w\" sizes=\"auto, (min-width: 62.5em) 67vw, 100vw\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-90697\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">A woman diagnosed as suffering from hilarious mania. Color lithograph, 1892. Image via Wellcome<\/p><\/div>\n<p>Contrary to popular wisdom, in my experience many of the best comebacks are not cutting. L\u2019esprit d\u2019escalier is all well and good, but take it from me, zingers aren\u2019t what they\u2019re cracked up to be: when you grow up in a family that fights almost exclusively below the belt, you learn to wound early, and also that the act of attacking leaves you feeling bad, not triumphant. I\u2019ll never forget being snapped at by an angry customer in a deli as a small child. \u201cIgnore her, Sades,\u201d my dad said loudly. \u201cShe\u2019s an unhappy, lonely person with no one in her life who cares about her.\u201d I\u2019ve forgotten her expression of shocked misery; I know that only from my dad\u2019s rueful telling.\u00a0<!--more--><\/p>\n<p>Hurting people is easy, and usually not useful. Better, as a rule, are tactics of confusion. Not that this is a strategy on my part, mind you; a few years back, when I made intense eye contact with a Children\u2019s International street canvasser and said with intense seriousness, \u201cYou\u2019re doing incredibly important work,\u201d it was spontaneous and weirdly sincere. If said canvasser looked startled and backed away uncertainly without soliciting any money from me, well, that was a fringe benefit. I\u2019ve had similarly satisfactory results from singing and dancing in a way that suggests I simply cannot be contained. I also have a history of grinning broadly when I\u2019m lost after dark in what might be considered dangerous neighborhoods.<\/p>\n<p>When I went to the farmers\u2019 market near Columbia University and saw the man standing on Broadway, holding up a large hand-lettered sign that read, on one side, <small>FREEDOM OF SPEECH<\/small>, and on the other, <small><a href=\"http:\/\/www.theonion.com\/article\/affable-anti-semite-thinks-the-jews-are-doing-supe-3007\" target=\"_blank\">JEWS CONTROL EVERYTHING<\/a>,<\/small> my reaction was instinctive. People were studiously avoiding him or glaring or looking distressed. I read the words and met his eyes. \u201cOh,\u00a0<em>if only we did<\/em>!\u201d I said heartily.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>He looked startled; I think he was braced for a lot of things, but not that.<\/p>\n<p><em>Sadie Stein is contributing editor of <\/em>The Paris Review<em>, and the <\/em>Daily<em>\u2019s correspondent.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Contrary to popular wisdom, in my experience many of the best comebacks are not cutting. L\u2019esprit d\u2019escalier is all well and good, but take it from me, zingers aren\u2019t what they\u2019re cracked up to be: when you grow up in a family that fights almost exclusively below the belt, you learn to wound early, and [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":178,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13115],"tags":[18873,12511,16278,158,12796,19725,16786],"class_list":["post-90693","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-our-daily-correspondent","tag-antisemitism","tag-city-life","tag-confusion","tag-encounters","tag-insults","tag-meeting-strangers","tag-socializing"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.4 (Yoast SEO v25.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Want to Keep People Away? 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