{"id":89977,"date":"2015-09-21T09:21:42","date_gmt":"2015-09-21T13:21:42","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=89977"},"modified":"2015-09-21T10:41:26","modified_gmt":"2015-09-21T14:41:26","slug":"the-art-of-the-fortune-cookie-and-other-news","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2015\/09\/21\/the-art-of-the-fortune-cookie-and-other-news\/","title":{"rendered":"The Art of the Fortune Cookie, and Other News"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_89978\" style=\"width: 610px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/13903392000_6a79e0c15a_z.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-89978\" class=\"wp-image-89978\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/13903392000_6a79e0c15a_z.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"396\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/13903392000_6a79e0c15a_z.jpg 640w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/09\/13903392000_6a79e0c15a_z-300x198.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (min-width: 62.5em) 67vw, 100vw\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-89978\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Your true creative calling. Image: Flazingo Photos<\/p><\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>There are any number of prestigious opportunities available to freelance writers\u2014footwear catalogs, restroom signage, pamphlets about flossing\u2014but it takes a truly outstanding writer to land the best gig of them all: <a href=\"http:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/lifeandstyle\/2015\/sep\/20\/fortune-cookie-writers-chinese-food\" target=\"_blank\">fortune-cookie writer<\/a>, at seventy-five cents a pop. It\u2019s exacting work. The fortunes \u201chave to be general enough to make sense for any kind of customer, but at the same time, they can\u2019t offend anyone \u2026 Companies keep databases of thousands of fortunes accumulated over years that they rotate on a regular basis to keep people from getting the same ones over and over. Coming up with original ideas when there are already ten thousand in the database\u2014as there are, for example, at cookie manufacturer Wonton Foods\u2014is a real challenge.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>Stephen King on William Sloane, whose 1930s horror novels were the opposite of Lovecraftian: \u201cBecause they ignore genre conventions, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.nybooks.com\/blogs\/nyrblog\/2015\/sep\/18\/william-sloane-edge-of-horror\/\" target=\"_blank\">Sloane\u2019s novels are actual works of literature<\/a> \u2026 In <em>To Walk the Night<\/em>, we discover that a disembodied brain\u2014perhaps an alien from space, perhaps a human intelligence from another time-stream or dimension\u2014has inhabited the body of an \u2018idiot\u2019 girl named Luella Jamison, transforming her vacuity into coldly classical beauty.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>While we\u2019re on horror: try reading <em>The Hound of the Baskervilles<\/em> when you have a profound fear of dogs. \u201cMy elementary school\u2019s library had an edition of the book with a cover like this: <a href=\"http:\/\/www.themorningnews.org\/article\/hunting-the-hound\" target=\"_blank\">a black dog with red eyes standing in a green hoary mist<\/a>, spittle oozing from its jaws, while the vague silhouette of someone in a cloak (Sherlock Holmes?) lurks in the background. I was totally captivated and scared shitless by the horrific power of this book.\u201d<\/li>\n<li>The lexicographer Francis Grose was the first to record phrases like <em>fly by night<\/em> and <em>birds of a feather<\/em>, in addition to other, non-flight-related idioms. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.bbc.com\/culture\/story\/20150916-the-vulgar-tongue-a-dictionary-of-filthy-words\" target=\"_blank\">His <em>Classical Dictionary of the Vulgar Tongue<\/em> deserves the same recognition<\/a> as Johnson\u2019s <em>Dictionary<\/em>, and its entries live up to its name: \u201cInebriation is well documented, with terms ranging from \u2018Hicksius Doxius: Drunk\u2019 and \u2018Emperor: Drunk as an emperor, ie ten times as drunk as a lord\u2019 to \u2018Admiral of the narrow seas: One who from drunkenness vomits into the lap of the person sitting opposite him\u2019. Other entries focus on bodily functions. There\u2019s \u2018Fizzle: A small windy escape backwards, more obvious to the nose than ears; frequently by old ladies charged on their lap-dogs\u2019, as well as \u2018Fart catcher: A valet or footman, from his walking behind his master or mistress.\u2019 \u201d<\/li>\n<li>We all know that <a href=\"http:\/\/www.nydailynews.com\/new-york\/nypd-high-bac-charged-drunken-driving-police-article-1.2366723\" target=\"_blank\">cops are putzes<\/a>\u2014but does this, in and of itself, explain their love for doughnuts? Is that love a symptom or a cause of their idiocy? <a href=\"http:\/\/www.atlasobscura.com\/articles\/the-long-sweet-love-affair-between-cops-and-doughnuts\" target=\"_blank\">The link between law enforcement and dough runs deep<\/a>: \u201cWe\u2019ve officially stuffed the protecting-and-serving citizens of our country with sugary pastries since at least World War I, when the Salvation Army sent female volunteers to France to cook doughnuts and bring them to the front \u2026 \u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>There are any number of prestigious opportunities available to freelance writers\u2014footwear catalogs, restroom signage, pamphlets about flossing\u2014but it takes a truly outstanding writer to land the best gig of them all: fortune-cookie writer, at seventy-five cents a pop. It\u2019s exacting work. The fortunes \u201chave to be general enough to make sense for any kind of [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":38,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2512],"tags":[3965,15075,1052,12475,19489,19490,9036,4110,19488],"class_list":["post-89977","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-on-the-shelf","tag-arthur-conan-doyle","tag-cops","tag-dogs","tag-donuts","tag-fortune-cookies","tag-francis-grose","tag-horror","tag-stephen-king","tag-william-sloane"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.4 (Yoast SEO v25.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Ultimate Freelance Writing Gig: Fortune Cookies<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"This and more in today\u2019s roundup...\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, 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