{"id":88477,"date":"2015-08-03T17:57:34","date_gmt":"2015-08-03T21:57:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=88477"},"modified":"2015-08-04T10:46:12","modified_gmt":"2015-08-04T14:46:12","slug":"husbands-and-wives","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2015\/08\/03\/husbands-and-wives\/","title":{"rendered":"Husbands and Wives"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"honeymoon\"<\/a><\/p>\n

One soon learns the point of a modern honeymoon. In this day and age, when most couples don\u2019t need the time to become acquainted, it can seem like pure indulgence: a well-earned rest after the interpersonal stresses of wedding planning, and the rare chance to see each other without the intrusion of family and social demands. All very wholesome, I\u2019m sure\u2014but not lasting.<\/p>\n

Long after you\u2019re home and your muscles have reclenched with tension and those lotus-eating vacation days feel like a hazy memory, you will carry with you the honeymoon\u2019s true legacy. (I don\u2019t mean a baby, by the way\u2014though that, too, I guess, is a legacy for some.) Because by the end of your honeymoon, be it a week or a month or a day, whether you\u2019re in the tropics or Niagara Falls or a nearby motel, you will have a husband. Or a wife. <\/p>\n

It begins immediately. \u201cMrs. Stein?\u201d They ask at the hotel. And there\u2019s no point in giggling and being coy and saying, \u201cWow! That sounds weird!\u201d because, well, they don\u2019t care. It\u2019s like a crash course, or some kind of super-accelerated basic training.<\/p>\n

Then it comes thick and fast. \u201cMy husband\u2019s just behind me!\u201d you breathlessly tell a gate agent so she\u2019ll let him on a plane.<\/p>\n

\u201cMy husband will be joining me shortly.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDid my husband already settle up?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, that\u2019s my husband\u2019s bag.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMy wife has a tick on her leg. Do you have a matchbook?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, I just have a tick on my leg\u2014I\u2019m waiting for my husband to burn its head.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThe match didn\u2019t work. My wife still has a tick on her leg\u2014what do you recommend?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes, I\u2019m the one with the tick. We accidentally killed the tick with the matches and the VapoRub, but then my husband pulled it out with tweezers. Thank you, I\u2019ll look out for the bull\u2019s-eye.\u201d<\/p>\n

Soon, it becomes\u2014if not natural, at least easy. In point of fact it is easier: one never felt a plane would wait for a mere boyfriend, or a friend, let alone a fianc\u00e9. (I hope they\u2019d leave a fianc\u00e9 behind on principle, gnashing his stupid fianc\u00e9 teeth.) But now! Now a city clerk has spent thirty seconds solemnizing our union and what happens if he doesn\u2019t make that plane?! Anarchy, that\u2019s what.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019ll hold the gate,\u201d the agent says.<\/p>\n

The tick head embedded in your thigh does a dignified victory dance. It has never been on a plane.<\/p>\n

Sadie Stein is contributing editor of <\/em>The Paris Review, and the <\/em>Daily\u2019s correspondent.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One soon learns the point of a modern honeymoon. In this day and age, when most couples don\u2019t need the time to become acquainted, it can seem like pure indulgence: a well-earned rest after the interpersonal stresses of wedding planning, and the rare chance to see each other without the intrusion of family and social […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":178,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13115],"tags":[15225,18997,18999,657,9295,18998,19000,604,14078],"class_list":["post-88477","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-our-daily-correspondent","tag-airports","tag-honeymoons","tag-husbands","tag-marriage","tag-names","tag-relations","tag-ticks","tag-weddings","tag-wives"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhat You Learn on Your Honeymoon<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Sadie Stein on the transformation of referring to one\u2019s husband or wife.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2015\/08\/03\/husbands-and-wives\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Husbands and Wives by Sadie Stein\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"August 3, 2015 \u2013 One soon learns the point of a modern honeymoon. 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