{"id":875,"date":"2010-06-11T15:06:13","date_gmt":"2010-06-11T19:06:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=875"},"modified":"2010-10-27T14:17:35","modified_gmt":"2010-10-27T18:17:35","slug":"ask-tpr-assholedom-henry-james-on-facebook","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2010\/06\/11\/ask-tpr-assholedom-henry-james-on-facebook\/","title":{"rendered":"Assholedom, Henry James on Facebook"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><div id=\"attachment_478\" style=\"width: 281px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><a href=\"http:\/\/www.brooklynmuseum.org\/opencollection\/objects\/1352\/Boy_Reading:_Ned_Anshutz\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-478\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/06\/boyreadingnedanshutz.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"271\" height=\"384\" class=\"size-full wp-image-478\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/06\/boyreadingnedanshutz.jpg 271w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/06\/boyreadingnedanshutz-211x300.jpg 211w\" sizes=\"auto, (min-width: 62.5em) 67vw, 100vw\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-478\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Boy Reading, by Thomas Pollack Anshutz.<\/p><\/div><em>I am leaving my girlfriend and I keep trying to be \u201cnice\u201d about it, but I don&#8217;t think it&#8217;s helping either of us. In fact, it&#8217;s just making this painful process take longer. I really need to be an asshole and steep myself in assholedom. Any suggestions for where to start?<\/em> \u2014E. Stigler, New York City<\/p>\n<p>\u201cWhere to start&#8221;? <em>Where to start?<\/em> What kind of asshole <em>are<\/em> you? You could try to pick up another woman and install her in your apartment, like Jean-Pierre L\u00e9aud in <em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Mother-Whore-VHS-Jean-Claude-Biette\/dp\/1567301614\/\">The Mother and the Whore<\/a><\/em>. This will require a sidewalk cafe. Or you can nerve yourself up with Leonard Michaels&#8217;s novella <em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Sylvia-Novel-Leonard-Michaels\/dp\/0374271070\/\">Sylvia<\/a><\/em>, all about a \u201cnice\u201d young man who stays in a miserable marriage, with disastrous consequences. Some guys swear by <em>The Genealogy of Morals<\/em> or the Maxims of La Rochefoucauld, or you could wallow in <em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Brief-Interviews-Hideous-Foster-Wallace\/dp\/0316925195\/\">Brief Interviews with Hideous Men<\/a><\/em> or that godawful Neil LaBute movie <em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Company-Men-Aaron-Eckhart\/dp\/0767806786\/\">In the Company of Men<\/a><\/em>. But if assholery doesn&#8217;t come naturally to you (and clearly it doesn&#8217;t), I recommend the eccentric but wise (and utterly absorbing) study <em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Love-Limerence-Experience-Being\/dp\/0812862864\/\">Love and Limerence: The Experience of Being in Love<\/a><\/em>, by the late Dorothy Tennov. Dr. Tennov argues persuasively that the kindest breakups are those that leave no room for hope. Be a mensch\u2014pull the plug.<\/p>\n<p><!--more--><em>My younger, twentysomething sister posts way too much on Facebook. Too many photos, too many (repetitive) status updates about her pet dogs, and our baby nephew, and so on.  How do I gently tell her to rein it in a little bit and to think about putting forward a more edited version of herself (in one recent pic, she had some food clearly visible in her teeth) without being mean? It&#8217;s getting a little weird at this point.<\/em> \u2014M. B., New York City<\/p>\n<p>Most younger siblings are born with a touch of Williams syndrome, or something like it. But you can&#8217;t protect your sister forever\u2014after all, they&#8217;re her teeth. If she&#8217;s loving and un-cynical, her friends probably love her gaucherie (because they&#8217;re not her sibling). In any case, don&#8217;t turn yourself into the bad guy. Just think of that Henry James novel <em><a href=\"http:\/\/www.amazon.com\/Washington-Square-Henry-James\/dp\/1438288883\/\">Washington Square<\/a><\/em>. If Catherine Sloper was on Facebook, her father would feel exactly the way you do, he&#8217;d quash her status updates &#8230; and live to regret it!<\/p>\n<p><em>Have a question for <\/em>The Paris Review? <em><a href=\"mailto:advice@theparisreview.org\">E-mail<\/a> us.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I am leaving my girlfriend and I keep trying to be \u201cnice\u201d about it, but I don&#8217;t think it&#8217;s helping either of us. In fact, it&#8217;s just making this painful process take longer. I really need to be an asshole and steep myself in assholedom. Any suggestions for where to start? \u2014E. Stigler, New York [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[56],"tags":[57,60,151,154,153,152],"class_list":["post-875","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ask-the-paris-review","tag-advice","tag-advice-column","tag-break-ups","tag-david-foster-wallace","tag-henry-james","tag-oversharing"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.4 (Yoast SEO v25.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Assholedom, Henry James on Facebook by Lorin Stein<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"June 11, 2010 \u2013 I am leaving my girlfriend and I keep trying to be \u201cnice\u201d about it, but I don&#039;t think it&#039;s helping either of us. 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