{"id":86776,"date":"2015-06-17T19:04:53","date_gmt":"2015-06-17T23:04:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=86776"},"modified":"2015-06-18T10:44:16","modified_gmt":"2015-06-18T14:44:16","slug":"monkey-glands-for-everyone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2015\/06\/17\/monkey-glands-for-everyone\/","title":{"rendered":"Monkey Glands for Everyone"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"gland-stealers\"<\/a>

The Gland Stealers<\/i>, 1922.<\/p><\/div>\n

The history of our quest for eternal youth is a history of fools\u2019 errands. It\u2019s also, if your glass is half full, a buoyant tribute to the human imagination\u2014or at least to the spirit of determination. We want so badly to stay young. We\u2019ve sought to bathe in the Fountain of Youth, to imbibe the Elixir of Life, and to\u2014well, to do whatever it is one does with the Philosopher\u2019s Stone. (Grind it up and snort it?) But few solutions to the problem of aging are as risible or as tragic as that of Serge Voronoff, who essayed to stave off death by replacing old men\u2019s testicles with those of healthy young monkeys.<\/p>\n

Voronoff rose to prominence about a century ago, and his methods were in practice, if not in vogue, through the 1940s. His first book, 1920\u2019s Life: A Study of the Means of Restoring Vital Energy and Prolonging Life<\/em>, is a goulash of Freudian fixations and well-intentioned pseudoscience. Having observed that eunuchs tend to die young\u2014\u201ctheir faces are glabrous and livid, and their hanging cheeks make them look like old women. Most of them are fat, with rounded outlines and, in many cases, voluminous breasts\u201d\u2014Voronoff came to the deeply specious conclusion that testicles must hold the spermatozoon-shaped key to a long, vigorous life. He began to experiment by grafting the sex glands of lambs into aging rams, and went to great lengths to convince himself that his aim was true: <\/p>\n

\n

I know that inventors readily confuse their desire with realization, and that in all sincerity, by a sort of auto-suggestion, they behold as fact what, actually, has only transpired in their imagination. This, however, cannot be the case here. The dropping of a lamb in a stable where for a year and a half an impotent old ram, tottering on its legs, suffering from urinary incontinence as a result of extreme old age, has been shut up with a young ewe cannot be regarded as auto-suggestion \u2026 It is equally impossible for me to admit any error of interpretation when I see the picture fixed by my camera of an animal castrated at the age of six months, and grafted a year later, showing an amorous ardor to which the female is complaisantly lending herself \u2026 I actually have in my possession animals which have passed beyond the extreme limit of their lives \u2026 In addition to those who are malevolent, jealous and envious, one must always allow for those who are repelled by anything that is new. They will not accept it save in order of seniority and when it returns to them, like a veteran, with well-merited service stripes.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

It doesn\u2019t take a psychoanalyst to read between the lines\u2014\u201can amorous ardor to which the female is complaisantly lending herself\u201d\u2014and see that Voronoff aspired to more than mere longevity. The man wanted to copulate like a teenager. And in this he was not, of course, alone. Soon millionaires were queuing up to receive the virile testes of executed criminals; but the supply of balls from human males couldn\u2019t hope to match the demand, and so Voronoff turned to chimpanzees and baboons. Clinics in France and Algiers sprang up to perform the grafting operation, and a monkey incubator on the Italian Riviera ensured that every man had a pair of glands on hand. By the early thirties, some five hundred men had undergone the procedure, and Voronoff had accrued enough wealth to occupy the entire first floor of a swish Parisian hotel, with a cortege of chauffeurs, valets, and personal secretaries in two. He\u2019d also found two mistresses. This is the power of the Placebo Effect.<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s skip the inevitable fall from grace and concentrate instead on Voronoff\u2019s appropriately robust cultural legacy. He was the basis for a scalpel-happy, gland-obsessed Professor Preobrazhensky, in Bulgakov\u2019s Heart of the Dog<\/em>; E. E. Cummings gave him a line (\u201cfamous doctor who inserts monkeyglands in millionaires\u201d) and the Marx Brothers a song (\u201cIf you\u2019re too old for dancing \/ Get yourself a monkey gland\u201d). But the strangest tribute is The Gland Stealers<\/a><\/em>, a 1922 science-fiction novel by Bertram Gayton. I\u2019ve just finished it so you don\u2019t have to.<\/p>\n

Gayton\u2014a pseudonym for Bertram Edgar Guyton, who apparently never wrote another book\u2014sets his tale in London, where ninety-five-year-old Gran\u2019pa Hadley has gone to live with his great-grandson, George. Gran\u2019pa is at death\u2019s door, and when he reads of \u201cthe glandular rejuvenation of the human race\u201d among the faits divers<\/em>, you\u2019d better believe he wants in on the action. George is skeptical, of course. \u201cIt seems inhuman to go about cutting up monkeys and things to get hold of their glands,\u201d he says. \u201cI hope to goodness the neighbors don\u2019t get to hear of it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Oh, but they well, for Gran\u2019pa has absconded to the East End to buy a monkey\u2014such sundries are readily available there, I guess. This, plus a healthy bribe (\u201cI suggest five thousand dollars down for you, and then\u2014ten thousand for each year I live\u201d) convinces George of the old man\u2019s seriousness, and soon he\u2019s undergone the operation. His pair of glands are thyroidal, not testicular, and they belong to a gorilla named Alfred.<\/p>\n

Here we expect a bit of moralizing\u2014surely there\u2019s no way the operation can succeed<\/em>. But that\u2019s where The Gland Stealers<\/em> is unsettling. Gran\u2019pa gets no comeuppance for attempting to best fate. Instead, he feels great<\/em>, better than ever, and with this new influx of glandular joie de vivre he does what many a man before and after have done: he buys a motor scooter. He also behaves like a schoolboy at a performance of \u201cthat hardy old stage annual\u201d; he builds a secret fort at home; he goes out flying airplanes\u00a0and resolves to hunt gorillas for their glands in equatorial Africa. Since he\u2019s part gorilla, he knows all their calls. And his health has hardened him into quite the mercenary, much to George\u2019s chagrin:<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cIt\u2019s their glands you want; the brutes themselves, as far as you\u2019re concerned, are merely perambulating depositories for the Elixir of Life. You keep them alive simply to keep their glands alive. A dead gland is useless, and \u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWait a moment, young man! Ever heard of cold storage?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

From here, the novel becomes a kind of picaresque, as Gran\u2019pa, in a gorilla costume, gallivants through the African jungle in pursuit of gorillas to neutralize and capture. When necessary, he uses an anesthetic gas.<\/p>\n

And\u2014that\u2019s it, really. The book endeavors toward no broader sociological comment, no cruel resolution. Gran\u2019pa gets monkey glands and feels better, enough to dedicate his life to procuring more of them. Though the novel contains such amusing phrases as \u201cmonkey-gland quest,\u201d \u201cice-packed vacuum flasks,\u201d and \u201cwicked, unrejuvenated old men,\u201d it fails to deliver on its tantalizing promise, which is that an old man will suffer horribly from his hubris. Indeed, even after other men find that the operation has failed them, Gran\u2019pa himself is going strong; he remains in the bush, hunting gorillas. George concludes the story with a bitter omen:<\/p>\n

\n

His arm-chair is still by the fireside\u2014waiting. He cannot resist its call\u2014and mine\u2014forever. Time is on our side.<\/p>\n

Time will win.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Certainly it won in Veronoff\u2019s case. Though he lived a long, fruitful life, he succumbed at the age of eighty-five to an infection following a fall. \u201cFew took his claims seriously,\u201d the Times<\/em>, who had once championed his work, wrote in their obituary.<\/p>\n

Dan Piepenbring is the web editor of <\/em>The Paris Review.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

The history of our quest for eternal youth is a history of fools\u2019 errands. It\u2019s also, if your glass is half full, a buoyant tribute to the human imagination\u2014or at least to the spirit of determination. We want so badly to stay young. We\u2019ve sought to bathe in the Fountain of Youth, to imbibe the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":38,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[8419],"tags":[18484,18490,18483,18487,747,18486,200,18481,10919,18489,18488,18485,18482],"class_list":["post-86776","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-weird-book-room","tag-eternal-youth","tag-glands","tag-grafts","tag-monkeys","tag-novels","tag-operations","tag-science-fiction","tag-serge-veronoff","tag-surgery","tag-testes","tag-testicles","tag-the-gland-stealers","tag-transplants"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nA 1922 Science Fiction Novel About Grafting Monkey Glands<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"\u201cThe Gland Stealers\u201d is even stranger than it sounds.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2015\/06\/17\/monkey-glands-for-everyone\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Monkey Glands for Everyone by Dan Piepenbring\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"June 17, 2015 \u2013 The history of our quest for eternal youth is a history of fools\u2019 errands. 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