{"id":85976,"date":"2015-05-21T14:47:44","date_gmt":"2015-05-21T18:47:44","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=85976"},"modified":"2015-05-21T14:50:03","modified_gmt":"2015-05-21T18:50:03","slug":"pomp-and-circumstance-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2015\/05\/21\/pomp-and-circumstance-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Pomp and Circumstance"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"14762537151_069e166202_o\"<\/a>

From The Cap and Gown<\/i>, 1900.<\/p><\/div>\n

A young friend recently asked me if I had an old graduation gown she could wear for a third-grade play in which she was playing a Supreme Court Justice. I keep many of my old things and have a pretty decent dress-up chest at this point; I\u2019ve helped with costumes before. But this time, I had to tell her I didn\u2019t.<\/p>\n

You see, the morning of my college graduation, in Chicago, I was running late. I snatched what I thought was my gown from the closet\u2014only to arrive at the gymnasium and discover that in my haste I\u2019d grabbed my roommate\u2019s black rain slicker. <\/p>\n

I panicked, running around looking for official university personnel. At length, I found a woman who said she might be able to dredge up some kind of spare. I figured it would be too long\u2014I\u2019m short, and the robe I\u2019d ordered had been cut for someone 5’3″\u2014but at least I\u2019d look like a graduate.<\/p>\n

Perhaps I should mention that I was one of the student speakers at the ceremony. Lest you think this was a marker of my academic acumen, it wasn\u2019t\u2014the only qualification I remember having to meet came when an interviewer asked me to \u201ctell a joke\u201d to prove my hilarious bona fides. (I\u2019d recalled a dirty-old-man gag about a man named Katz having sex in a car, repeated to me by my grandfather.)<\/p>\n

My status as a speaker hadn\u2019t been enough to entice much of my family to Chicago, but it mandated both my own attendance and my robe-wearing, two things that under other circumstances I might have considered optional. I was thoroughly relieved at the prospect of a loaner gown\u2014at the worst, I assumed, it would overhang my dress by a few inches.<\/p>\n

You\u2019d think a near-college graduate would have learned that when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me. The gown this woman produced was not<\/em> too long; maybe it was reserved for those students with dwarfism, or perhaps the odd child genius. It was miniature. It looked sort of like the smock-ish thing that salons make you wear to protect your clothes from falling hair, or maybe some kind of sexy judge getup from a cheap Halloween store. I hereby sentence you \u2026 to hotttnesss<\/em>!<\/p>\n

I put it on. The black polyester came to mid thigh, the sleeves ended just below my elbows. My pink cotton dress hung down an awkward six inches below the hem. I told myself it was better than a raincoat. I told myself no one would notice.<\/p>\n

I ran across a girl whom I\u2019d known only by sight, and then because she often wore a stuffed unicorn perched on her shoulder. \u201cYour robe is too small,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n

For the first time, I found myself glad I\u2019d had to give away most of my graduation tickets. And glad no one would be taking pictures.<\/p>\n

How did it go? Fine, I guess. As well as speaking to thousands of people in a disposable spa kimono can. In short, it felt slightly like a nightmare. Afterward, I took the tiny robe off and stuffed it in the trash. Later, I learned I\u2019d have to pay for it\u2014well, of course I did.<\/p>\n

Anyway, \u201cI didn\u2019t keep my gown,\u201d I told my friend a few days ago. \u201cIt\u2019s too bad\u2014it would have fit you perfectly.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sadie Stein is contributing editor of <\/em>The Paris Review, and the <\/em>Daily\u2019s correspondent.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A young friend recently asked me if I had an old graduation gown she could wear for a third-grade play in which she was playing a Supreme Court Justice. I keep many of my old things and have a pretty decent dress-up chest at this point; I\u2019ve helped with costumes before. But this time, I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":178,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13115],"tags":[12528,18213,18211,18017,1257,3543,18212,10901],"class_list":["post-85976","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-our-daily-correspondent","tag-accidents","tag-cap-and-gown","tag-ceremonies","tag-commencement","tag-costumes","tag-dress","tag-gowns","tag-graduation"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nAdvice for Graduates: Don\u2019t Forget Your Cap and Gown<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Sadie Stein on a commencement ceremony gone awry.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2015\/05\/21\/pomp-and-circumstance-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Pomp and Circumstance by Sadie Stein\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"May 21, 2015 \u2013 A young friend recently asked me if I had an old graduation gown she could wear for a third-grade play in which she was playing a Supreme Court Justice. 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