{"id":8235,"date":"2010-11-26T08:00:16","date_gmt":"2010-11-26T13:00:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=8235"},"modified":"2013-07-01T19:55:07","modified_gmt":"2013-07-01T23:55:07","slug":"nauseating-hobbits-a-perfect-reading-room","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2010\/11\/26\/nauseating-hobbits-a-perfect-reading-room\/","title":{"rendered":"Nauseating Hobbits; A Perfect Reading Room"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"I finally started reading <\/em>The Lord of the Rings<\/a>. I love the films so much that my friend told me, \u201cOh, you\u2019ll love the books.\u201d Lies. I\u2019m only one hundred pages in and already I think, Really? Another five-page song about a tree or something? I\u2019m looking at the remaining eight-hundred-odd pages and I want to cry. What do I do?<\/em><\/p>\n

That\u2019s how I felt about the movie<\/em>\u2014that first one, where Bobo and Bubo and Cowslip and Ian McKellen all team up and meet the elves. It was New Year’s Day. The night before, my friend Elaine had thrown a dinner party involving blini, salmon, and a great deal of vodka. That morning I crawled out of bed, pulled down Dubliners<\/a><\/em>, and read \u201cThe Dead.\u201d Then I called Elaine. She had just done the same thing. Call it coincidence, call it friendship. We decided that the best course of action\u2014really, the only course of action\u2014was to take the leftover salmon and blini and a bottle of Belgian ale to a late matinee of The Lord of the Rings<\/a><\/em>. We sat in the balcony. The movie lasted approximately five and a half hours. Experiments have shown that even brown bears in the wild will stop eating smoked salmon after the first half pound, or after three hours of sitting there with a pile of salmon in their laps, whichever comes first. After the fourth hour, the salmon will grow offensive in the nostrils of the bear. That\u2019s what happened to us. I have eaten gravlax since then, generally on New Year’s with Russian friends, if there is vodka. The sight of a hobbit still makes me want to hurl. As for the books, you have read eighty-five pages farther than I ever could. Life is short.<\/p>\n

I saw someone today reading John Hawkes\u2019s <\/em>The Beetle Leg<\/a> on the subway. It left me mystified\u2014the book, too, of course, but the fact that someone was reading it on the subway. Though I see it\u2019s common practice, I can\u2019t seem to bring myself to read books that aspire to the status of art on the subway. Airport paperbacks, elevator music, toilet reading\u2014all these are widely acknowledged as degraded forms, and for good reason: The circumstances in which such works are taken in simply aren\u2019t conducive to the appreciation of genuine works of art. But can the subway be much better? <\/em><\/p>\n

Elevator music isn\u2019t bad because it happens in elevators. An airplane late at night\u2014if you are sitting next to the window and nobody next to you is watching a movie or playing a video game, and there are no babies\u2014can be the best reading room there is. So can a toilet. \u201cAirplane books\u201d are not the fault of airplanes. The trippy thing about Walkmen, when they first came out, was hearing Hugo Largo or the Emperor Concerto, or whatever, while you were standing waiting for the bus that took you to school. By now don\u2019t we take that disjunction for granted? I can\u2019t read on the subway, either, except the Post<\/em>: I get distracted by the panhandlers and the doo-wop guys or mariachis and the general acting-out of my fellow passengers. But maybe this guy\u2014let\u2019s call him Mister Spoonbill\u2014was headed out to the edge of Bushwick. I can think of worse places to read John Hawkes.<\/p>\n

Have a question for <\/em>The Paris Review? E-mail<\/a> us.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I finally started reading The Lord of the Rings. I love the films so much that my friend told me, \u201cOh, you\u2019ll love the books.\u201d Lies. I\u2019m only one hundred pages in and already I think, Really? Another five-page song about a tree or something? I\u2019m looking at the remaining eight-hundred-odd pages and I want […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[56],"tags":[57,1412,1410,1414,1409,456,1411,1413],"class_list":["post-8235","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ask-the-paris-review","tag-advice","tag-bathroom-reading","tag-hangover","tag-john-hawkes","tag-lord-of-the-rings","tag-lorin-stein","tag-subway-reading","tag-the-beetle-leg"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nNauseating Hobbits; A Perfect Reading Room by Lorin Stein<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"November 26, 2010 \u2013 I finally started reading The Lord of the Rings. I love the films so much that my friend told me, \u201cOh, you\u2019ll love the books.\u201d Lies. 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