{"id":81160,"date":"2015-01-02T09:00:26","date_gmt":"2015-01-02T14:00:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=81160"},"modified":"2014-12-25T15:03:34","modified_gmt":"2014-12-25T20:03:34","slug":"homesick-for-sadness-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2015\/01\/02\/homesick-for-sadness-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Homesick for Sadness"},"content":{"rendered":"

We\u2019re out until January 5, but we\u2019re re-posting some of our favorite pieces from 2014 while we\u2019re away. We hope you enjoy\u2014and have a happy New Year!<\/em><\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

A childhood in incompletion.<\/em>
<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"Berlin,<\/a>

The Berlin Wall in 1990.<\/p><\/div>\n

What was I doing the night the Wall fell?<\/p>\n

I spent the evening with friends just a few blocks from the spot where history was being made, and then: I went to bed. I slept right through it. And while I slept the pot wasn\u2019t just stirred, it was knocked over and smashed to bits. The next morning, I was told we wouldn\u2019t need pots anymore.<\/p>\n

There was a lot of talk of freedom<\/em>, but I didn\u2019t know what to do with this concept, which was suddenly drifting about in all sorts of different sentences. The freedom to travel. (But what if you couldn\u2019t afford to?) Or the freedom of expression. (What if no one was interested in my opinion?) The freedom to shop. (But what comes after the shopping trip?) Freedom wasn\u2019t just a gift, it was something you paid for, and the price of freedom turned out to have been my entire life up till then. Everyday life was no longer everyday life: it was an adventure that had been survived. Our customs were now a sideshow attraction. Everything that had been self-evident forfeited its self-evidence within the span of a few weeks. A door that opened only once every hundred years was now standing ajar, but the hundred years were gone forever. From this point on, my childhood became a museum exhibit.<\/p>\n

My life was accompanied by the Socialist life of Leipziger Strasse, which today leads to Potsdamer Platz but at the time came to an end at the Wall. Today I know that a\u00a0hundred years ago, Leipziger Strasse was a narrow, popular, and highly populated commercial street filled with tobacco shops, horse-drawn streetcars, sandstone curlicues on the buildings, and women with fancy hats. There were still Jewish-owned textile mills in the neighborhood at the beginning of the thirties. But when I was a child, none of this remained, and I didn\u2019t know there was something, or someone, missing. Today I also know that the tall buildings, like the one I lived in, were constructed with propagandistic intentions as a response to the Springer Publishing headquarters on the West side of the Wall, but as a child, I simply enjoyed all the lights we could see on the other side from the terrace above the twenty-third floor. We read the time for our Socialist recess from an illuminated display in the city\u2019s Western half, visible from our side of the Wall. That the building to which this display was attached also bore the illuminated letters B.Z., advertising a newspaper we\u2019d never heard of, was of no interest to us. For our Sunday walks, my parents would bring me to the end of Leipziger Strasse, to the area right in front of the Wall, where it was as quiet as in a village. There was smooth prewar asphalt perfect for roller-skating, and the final stop on the bus line, no through traffic beyond. This was where the world came to an end. For a child, what could be better than growing up at the end of the world? Read More >><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

We\u2019re out until January 5, but we\u2019re re-posting some of our favorite pieces from 2014 while we\u2019re away. We hope you enjoy\u2014and have a happy New Year! * A childhood in incompletion. What was I doing the night the Wall fell? I spent the evening with friends just a few blocks from the spot where […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":764,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[16464],"tags":[15964,8892,15954,3497,15965,3512,15947],"class_list":["post-81160","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-best-of-2014","tag-berlin-wall","tag-childhood","tag-east-berlin","tag-east-germany","tag-fall-of-the-berlin-wall","tag-gdr","tag-reunification"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHomesick for Sadness<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Jenny Erpenbeck on the fall of the Berlin Wall and a childhood in incompletion.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2015\/01\/02\/homesick-for-sadness-2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Homesick for Sadness by Jenny Erpenbeck\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"January 2, 2015 \u2013 We\u2019re out until January 5, but we\u2019re re-posting some of our favorite pieces from 2014 while we\u2019re away. 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