{"id":80292,"date":"2014-12-01T16:40:55","date_gmt":"2014-12-01T21:40:55","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=80292"},"modified":"2014-12-01T17:10:05","modified_gmt":"2014-12-01T22:10:05","slug":"hard-and-fast","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/12\/01\/hard-and-fast\/","title":{"rendered":"Hard and Fast"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_80306\" style=\"width: 610px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/screen-shot-2014-12-01-at-4.11.29-pm.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-80306\" class=\"wp-image-80306\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/screen-shot-2014-12-01-at-4.11.29-pm.png\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"368\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/screen-shot-2014-12-01-at-4.11.29-pm.png 604w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/12\/screen-shot-2014-12-01-at-4.11.29-pm-300x183.png 300w\" sizes=\"auto, (min-width: 62.5em) 67vw, 100vw\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-80306\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Don\u2019t ask. (From the V Squared ad.)<\/p><\/div>\n<p>If, by any chance, you read the print edition of the\u00a0Sunday\u00a0<em>New York Times<\/em>, as I did around two in the morning, perhaps you, too, were arrested by the full-page advertisement on A23. <small>11-YEAR-OLD, TWIN ROCKERS, VITTORIO AND VINCENZO OF V\u00b2 SWEEP LOS ANGELES MUSIC AWARDS!<\/small>\u00a0blares the headline. There are seven accompanying photographs. \u201cV\u00b2 rocked the Avalon Theater, leaving no doubt that they owned the night and their 7 nomination categories,\u201d reads one caption. \u201cStanding \u2018O\u2019 for Vittorio and Vincenzo, 11-year-old superstars!\u201d says another. The picture is of a bunch of grown-ups; one of them is sort of standing up.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>The text is laid out like a news story:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p>Rock N Roll history was made by Santa Rosa, CA home grown rock sensations, Vittorio and Vincenzo of V\u00b2 (pronounced V Squared). The boys, who only started playing music a few years ago at Rock Star University, Santa Rosa, became the youngest artists to ever perform at the Los Angeles Music Awards, thrilling the sold out crowd of Hollywood celebrities, music industry executives, and music fans lucky enough to secure a ticket to see these future Rock N Roll Hall of Famers perform. Vittorio and Vincenzo did not disappoint.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>Who <em>are<\/em> these future rock-and-roll hall of famers? Who are their parents? What\u2019s Rock Star University\u2014and who had they beaten out for LA Music Award domination? Naturally, I switched on my phone to find out. After all, by this hour, I assumed, this weird vanity project would have at least put a dent in the Internet. <!--more--><\/p>\n<p>But the answer was silence. Okay, not total silence\u2014the band has <a href=\"https:\/\/www.vsquared.rocks\/\" target=\"_blank\">a Web site<\/a>\u00a0featuring videos. But that was pretty much it. (To hear their original composition \u201cWe Want to Rock You Hard and Fast,\u201d you have to watch twenty-plus minutes of fog-heavy concert footage.) The \u201cnews\u201d network, Rock News Around the Web\u2014where the boys get interviewed by an anchor called Natalia Alexander\u2014does not even have a dummy address.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>To me, a full-page\u00a0Sunday\u00a0ad still felt impossibly momentous; if nothing else, it was expensive. And yet, like the provosts of Rock Star University, I had apparently taken my finger off the pulse. This feels like a new paradigm: we now live in a time when you can take out a full-page ad in the paper of record, heralding twin rock sensations, and not even rate a mention from Gawker.\u00a0<\/p>\n<p>Here is how one of the video promos starts: a trick driver races a classic car with the vanity plate <small>V<\/small> 2 <small>ROCKS<\/small>\u00a0around some back streets. Two teenaged hotties in stripper cop costumes pull the car over; inside are Vittorio and Vincenzo, dressed in sort of mobster outfits. After refusing to provide a license and registration, they bribe the \u201ccops\u201d with a million-dollar bill, and give them VIP passes to their concert that night.<\/p>\n<p>It looks like the kids may have had a strong hand in writing and directing their material; this is clearly what a ten-year-old would do with a budget. I\u2019m just glad the kids still know the value of print.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If, by any chance, you read the print edition of the\u00a0Sunday\u00a0New York Times, as I did around two in the morning, perhaps you, too, were arrested by the full-page advertisement on A23. 11-YEAR-OLD, TWIN ROCKERS, VITTORIO AND VINCENZO OF V\u00b2 SWEEP LOS ANGELES MUSIC AWARDS!\u00a0blares the headline. There are seven accompanying photographs. \u201cV\u00b2 rocked the [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":178,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13115],"tags":[679,189,217,46,14228,16226,282,16223,16224,16225],"class_list":["post-80292","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-our-daily-correspondent","tag-advertising","tag-children","tag-los-angeles","tag-music","tag-rock-music","tag-self-promotion","tag-the-new-york-times","tag-v","tag-viral-culture","tag-we-want-to-rock-you-hard-and-fast"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.4 (Yoast SEO v25.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Who Are These Future Rock-and-Roll Hall of Famers?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Sadie Stein on the band V Squared and their improbable 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