{"id":76244,"date":"2014-09-03T14:32:06","date_gmt":"2014-09-03T18:32:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=76244"},"modified":"2014-09-03T14:32:06","modified_gmt":"2014-09-03T18:32:06","slug":"walking-and-talking","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/09\/03\/walking-and-talking\/","title":{"rendered":"Walking and Talking"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Florine_Stettheimer_-_Heat_-_Google_Art_Project\"<\/a>

\u201cHot enough for ya?\u201d Detail from Florine Stettheimer\u2019s Heat<\/i>, 1919.<\/p><\/div>\n

Growing up around wisecracking old relatives, you learn early how to craft a comeback. It doesn\u2019t need to be that witty. It doesn\u2019t even need to make sense. It just needs to be kind of sassy and really fast, to show you\u2019re wise to the game or something.<\/p>\n

\u201cJust who do you think you are?\u201d an elderly uncle might demand, inexplicably. Or, \u201cI bet you think you deserve some candy!\u201d In such situations, you can show no fear. When you\u2019re a small child, this kind of obligatory badinage is awful. But it\u2019s a skill\u2014if you can call it a skill\u2014that stands you in good stead as an adult.<\/p>\n

However, even those of us trained to keep our cool in the face of faux-belligerent idiocy are occasionally stumped. Despite my years of experience and calibration, there are, specifically, three situations that leave me mute and baffled. <\/p>\n

Situation A: I\u2019m walking down the street, carrying flowers. A random guy says, in a jocular fashion, \u201cFor me? Thank you!\u201d And puts out his arms as if to accept the floral tribute. I understand, intellectually, that no response is expected; the \u201chilarious\u201d joke is the whole point. All that is required of me is a weak smile, perhaps a forced laugh. And yet, instead I am paralyzed. I stand there and stare at the jokester stonily. \u201cNo,\u201d I say. Or, \u201cThey\u2019re for my apartment.\u201d<\/p>\n

Situation B: \u201cHot enough for ya?\u201d You\u2019d think this one could be fielded with ease, considering it\u2019s one of the oldest clich\u00e9s in the English-speaking world. Yet I\u2019m always so baffled that someone is actually saying this in real life<\/em>\u2014it\u2019s the verbal equivalent of being struck by a falling ACME<\/small>-brand anvil. It leaves me speechless. \u201cYes,\u201d I sometimes say.<\/p>\n

Situation C: \u201cHave a safe trip.\u201d As in all these cases, this is not a statement that actually requires a rejoinder. It\u2019s meant as a friendly platitude. And yet it sends me into a frenzy of furious overthinking: Well, I would if I had any control over it<\/em>, I think. Or, Thanks, actually I was planning to get in a crash and die, but now I won\u2019t, <\/em>or, No.\u00a0<\/em>As usual, I stand in front of my interlocutor with my mouth agape while he or she becomes increasingly uncomfortable.<\/p>\n

The other day, I was crossing West 7th Street\u2014with the light\u2014when I passed an older woman on the crosswalk. We were the only two people on the street at this particular moment, and neither of us was on her phone. \u201cWell,\u201d she said loudly, \u201cHERE COME THE MORONS. One is passing me right now!\u201d<\/p>\n

For once, I felt entirely off the hook.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Growing up around wisecracking old relatives, you learn early how to craft a comeback. It doesn\u2019t need to be that witty. It doesn\u2019t even need to make sense. It just needs to be kind of sassy and really fast, to show you\u2019re wise to the game or something. \u201cJust who do you think you are?\u201d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":178,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13115],"tags":[14668,15166,14367,4367,15170,15167,15168,15169],"class_list":["post-76244","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-our-daily-correspondent","tag-cliches","tag-comebacks","tag-families","tag-flowers","tag-jokesters","tag-social-interactions","tag-stock-phrases","tag-strangers"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWalking and Talking<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Sadie Stein on how to craft a comeback.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/09\/03\/walking-and-talking\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Walking and Talking by Sadie Stein\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"September 3, 2014 \u2013 Growing up around wisecracking old relatives, you learn early how to craft a comeback. 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