{"id":75258,"date":"2014-08-12T17:01:07","date_gmt":"2014-08-12T21:01:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=75258"},"modified":"2014-08-12T17:01:07","modified_gmt":"2014-08-12T21:01:07","slug":"going-dark","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/08\/12\/going-dark\/","title":{"rendered":"Going Dark"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Vittorio_Reggianini_-_A_Shocking_Announcement\"<\/a>

Detail from Vittorio Reggianini\u2019s A Shocking Announcement<\/i><\/p><\/div>\n

I have been trying for some time now to write this post, but it\u2019s been very hard for me. Not emotionally, I mean\u2014physically. My hands go funny, my vision blurs, my legs get weak, and I start to feel sick. In short, I get woozy. Allow me to explain.<\/p>\n

Not that I really can<\/em> explain; if I do, I\u2019ll pass out. Just this morning, I started to read a review of a film that mentioned the protagonist\u2019s \u201csuicide attempt\u201d and \u201cbandaged wrists\u201d and I felt shaky and had to immediately close the paper and, what is more, put it down the garbage chute so it couldn\u2019t torment me. At least with books, you have some control over these things; to date I have fainted in The Virgin Suicides<\/em>, Swing Kids<\/em>, The Royal Tenenbaums<\/em>, and Sunset Boulevard<\/em>. With The Three Faces of Eve<\/em>, Harold and Maude<\/em>, and Little Miss Sunshine<\/em>,\u00a0I managed to get out in time. I also got woozy once in a college history class; we were discussing the death of Seneca.<\/p>\n

It sounds funny, until you see it in action. It is never fun to see reason give way to blind panic, nor to have a friend pass out at your feet. Sometimes, before they understand, people will tease me, exploit my weakness\u2014as a result, I usually try not to mention it. (Also, if I talk or think about it, I will get faint.) Like someone with an allergy, I am ever vigilant, but the vigilance has become second nature. I tend to avoid anything that I know for a fact contains a suicide, just in case they do it that way<\/em>. If I sense one might be coming, I will page ahead or ask a sympathetic friend for a warning. Sometimes, I have to reread or re-watch something because I realize after the fact that my tension and apprehension ruined the experience for me.<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t tell you when this started, or why it\u2019s so very specific. There\u2019s the time I spent in the ER waiting room seated across from a girl with bandaged arms, my eyes desperately glued to the television screen on the wall; she must have been okay, but to this day I can\u2019t watch Charles in Charge<\/em> (not that I\u2019m so wild to). If you want to get mystical about it, there are the generations of family suicide to contend with. I can\u2019t talk to a shrink or a hypnotist about it; I\u2019d faint. Writing this alone has taken me four tries, and a large, sugary iced tea; I\u2019m doing it as a sort of aversion therapy.<\/p>\n

Do other people have these sorts of neuroses and aversions? Do they impact your quality of life\u2014and, especially, your ability to enjoy books and movies? I\u2019d love to know how to better cope. For now, I\u2019m going to have to lie down\u2014I\u2019m feeling distinctly faint.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I have been trying for some time now to write this post, but it\u2019s been very hard for me. Not emotionally, I mean\u2014physically. My hands go funny, my vision blurs, my legs get weak, and I start to feel sick. In short, I get woozy. Allow me to explain. Not that I really can explain; […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":178,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13115],"tags":[2186,14944,14945,6024],"class_list":["post-75258","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-our-daily-correspondent","tag-death","tag-fainting","tag-phobias","tag-suicide"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nHas a Book Ever Made You Faint?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Sadie Stein on going dark.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/08\/12\/going-dark\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Going Dark by Sadie Stein\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"August 12, 2014 \u2013 I have been trying for some time now to write this post, but it\u2019s been very hard for me. 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