{"id":73075,"date":"2014-06-24T17:18:34","date_gmt":"2014-06-24T21:18:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=73075"},"modified":"2014-06-24T18:03:31","modified_gmt":"2014-06-24T22:03:31","slug":"rules-of-civility","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/","title":{"rendered":"Rules of Civility"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"Two_Girls_Reading_LACMA_M.68.46.1\"<\/a>

Detail from Pierre-Auguste Renoir\u2019s Two Girls Reading<\/i>, ca. 1890.<\/p><\/div>\n

Over the weekend, someone asked me how I\u2019d argue for the survival of the print book. I was taken aback; it felt like being asked to defend food against Soylent Green, or sex against the exclusive domain of artificial insemination. But I considered the question carefully, and aside from the obvious arguments, here\u2019s one way I like to think of it.<\/p>\n

When I was younger, I used to think setting people up would be sort of like recommending a book you loved: whether or not it worked out, a friend would know you\u2019d tried in good faith to match her tastes and interests, and not hold it against you if you\u2019d gotten it wrong. At best, her life would be enriched; at worst, she\u2019d still be able to recognize what you saw in the other person. In any event, once you\u2019d made the introduction, the arrangement ceased to have anything to do with you.<\/p>\n

Instead, I discovered that setting people up is more like recommending a movie\u2014specifically, a comedy. And if a friend doesn\u2019t enjoy\u2014doesn\u2019t get<\/em>\u2014a comedy you like, somehow both of you feel betrayed, and some small part of you thinks less of the other. And there is the horrible knowledge that the person who dislikes <\/em>always has the advantage. <\/p>\n

Not, mind you, that I\u2019ve done a great deal of matchmaking. My first experiences with it were so off-putting that I swore it off at a pretty young age. It\u2019s not that every attempt was a disaster; one set of friends actually hit it off, and dated for about a year. But that ended up being harder still; the stakes were higher and inevitably, when they split up, my relationship with one of the two grew weaker.<\/p>\n

This is as good an argument as I have for the survival of the book: book recommendation is intensely social and inherently civilized. Time spent with a book is almost never time wasted; even those reading experiences that are less than enjoyable are not without value.<\/p>\n

The reaction one has to a film or music is often visceral, emotional. While a book can certainly engage emotions\u2014as I write this, A Fault in Our Stars<\/em> is still heading up the best-seller lists\u2014the experience is always at least partially cerebral. I have sometimes almost hated friends who were wrong (and it really does feel that black and white) about movies; the heated There Will Be Blood<\/em> fights of 2007 come to mind. I don\u2019t think I have ever had that reaction while disagreeing about a book, and I\u2019ve talked about a lot of books with a lot of people.\u00a0<\/p>\n

When I was a kid, I had a series of note cards sporting an image of a young girl reading the words, \u201cA Good Book Is a Good Friend.\u201d (Why, yes, I did<\/em> subscribe to Cricket<\/em>!) The Internet ascribes these words to a 1901 issue of The Outlook<\/em>, and tells me that it is part of a longer quote:<\/p>\n

\u201cA good book is a good friend. It will talk to you when you want it to talk, and it will keep still when you want it to keep still\u2014and there are not many friends who know enough for that.\u201d<\/p>\n

There\u2019s little arguing with that, but I\u2019d go further: a good book facilitates relationships. So does a bad one. After all, even if your friend doesn\u2019t like it, you can just put it back on the shelf. And they\u2019ll both speak to you the next day.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Over the weekend, someone asked me how I\u2019d argue for the survival of the print book. I was taken aback; it felt like being asked to defend food against Soylent Green, or sex against the exclusive domain of artificial insemination. But I considered the question carefully, and aside from the obvious arguments, here\u2019s one way […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":178,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[13115],"tags":[10827,17,14404,14406,354,14405],"class_list":["post-73075","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-our-daily-correspondent","tag-arguments","tag-books","tag-matchmaking","tag-print-media","tag-recommendations","tag-taste"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nRules of Civility<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Sadie Stein on her argument for the survival of the printed book.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Rules of Civility by Sadie Stein\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"June 24, 2014 \u2013 Over the weekend, someone asked me how I\u2019d argue for the survival of the print book. I was taken aback; it felt like being asked to defend food against\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Paris Review\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/parisreview\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-06-24T21:18:34+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2014-06-24T22:03:31+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/two_girls_reading_lacma_m.68.46.1.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1734\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1653\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Sadie Stein\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@parisreview\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@parisreview\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Sadie Stein\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Sadie Stein\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/a1aef49f81bfc540a37e03590f3bb4d9\"},\"headline\":\"Rules of Civility\",\"datePublished\":\"2014-06-24T21:18:34+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2014-06-24T22:03:31+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/\"},\"wordCount\":619,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/two_girls_reading_lacma_m.68.46.1.jpg\",\"keywords\":[\"arguments\",\"books\",\"matchmaking\",\"print media\",\"recommendations\",\"taste\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Our Daily Correspondent\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/\",\"name\":\"Rules of Civility\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/two_girls_reading_lacma_m.68.46.1.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2014-06-24T21:18:34+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2014-06-24T22:03:31+00:00\",\"description\":\"Sadie Stein on her argument for the survival of the printed book.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/two_girls_reading_lacma_m.68.46.1.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/two_girls_reading_lacma_m.68.46.1.jpg\"},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Rules of Civility\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/\",\"name\":\"The Paris Review\",\"description\":\"The best prose, interviews, poetry, and art. Since 1953.\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#organization\",\"name\":\"The Paris Review\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/tpr-hadada-roundell-logo-square.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/tpr-hadada-roundell-logo-square.png\",\"width\":696,\"height\":696,\"caption\":\"The Paris Review\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/parisreview\/\",\"https:\/\/x.com\/parisreview\",\"https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/parisreview\"]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/a1aef49f81bfc540a37e03590f3bb4d9\",\"name\":\"Sadie Stein\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/147299ffa10db51f1ff44a626a9211650a1c11f8fc07d102ab48e63ab3be037b?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/147299ffa10db51f1ff44a626a9211650a1c11f8fc07d102ab48e63ab3be037b?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Sadie Stein\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/author\/sstein\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO Premium plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Rules of Civility","description":"Sadie Stein on her argument for the survival of the printed book.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Rules of Civility by Sadie Stein","og_description":"June 24, 2014 \u2013 Over the weekend, someone asked me how I\u2019d argue for the survival of the print book. I was taken aback; it felt like being asked to defend food against","og_url":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/","og_site_name":"The Paris Review","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/parisreview\/","article_published_time":"2014-06-24T21:18:34+00:00","article_modified_time":"2014-06-24T22:03:31+00:00","og_image":[{"width":1734,"height":1653,"url":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/two_girls_reading_lacma_m.68.46.1.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Sadie Stein","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@parisreview","twitter_site":"@parisreview","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Sadie Stein","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/"},"author":{"name":"Sadie Stein","@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/a1aef49f81bfc540a37e03590f3bb4d9"},"headline":"Rules of Civility","datePublished":"2014-06-24T21:18:34+00:00","dateModified":"2014-06-24T22:03:31+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/"},"wordCount":619,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/two_girls_reading_lacma_m.68.46.1.jpg","keywords":["arguments","books","matchmaking","print media","recommendations","taste"],"articleSection":["Our Daily Correspondent"],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/","url":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/","name":"Rules of Civility","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/two_girls_reading_lacma_m.68.46.1.jpg","datePublished":"2014-06-24T21:18:34+00:00","dateModified":"2014-06-24T22:03:31+00:00","description":"Sadie Stein on her argument for the survival of the printed book.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/two_girls_reading_lacma_m.68.46.1.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/06\/two_girls_reading_lacma_m.68.46.1.jpg"},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/06\/24\/rules-of-civility\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Rules of Civility"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/","name":"The Paris Review","description":"The best prose, interviews, poetry, and art. Since 1953.","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#organization","name":"The Paris Review","url":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/tpr-hadada-roundell-logo-square.png","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/04\/tpr-hadada-roundell-logo-square.png","width":696,"height":696,"caption":"The Paris Review"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/parisreview\/","https:\/\/x.com\/parisreview","https:\/\/www.instagram.com\/parisreview"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/a1aef49f81bfc540a37e03590f3bb4d9","name":"Sadie Stein","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/147299ffa10db51f1ff44a626a9211650a1c11f8fc07d102ab48e63ab3be037b?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/147299ffa10db51f1ff44a626a9211650a1c11f8fc07d102ab48e63ab3be037b?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Sadie Stein"},"url":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/author\/sstein\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73075","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/178"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=73075"}],"version-history":[{"count":10,"href":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73075\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":73114,"href":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/73075\/revisions\/73114"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=73075"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=73075"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=73075"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}