{"id":67427,"date":"2014-03-03T16:58:46","date_gmt":"2014-03-03T21:58:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=67427"},"modified":"2014-03-07T13:57:14","modified_gmt":"2014-03-07T18:57:14","slug":"murder-she-wrote","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/03\/03\/murder-she-wrote\/","title":{"rendered":"Murder, She Wrote"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"3261104775_78531f5271_b\"<\/a>

Photo: eflon, via Flickr<\/p><\/div>\n

Over the weekend, for reasons too silly to get into, I decided to change my phone number. It was a surprisingly emotional process. I have had this, my first phone number, for some twelve years, and there was something bittersweet about abandoning the area code of my parents\u2019 suburban home. A great deal of the difficulty, however, arose from my own incompetence, a faulty Internet connection, and a confusing and ancient family plan. Long story short, I accidentally changed my dad\u2019s number instead. The result was a small transcontinental panic, a volley of hysterical phone calls, and several confusing texts from my friends, each of which my dad apparently greeted with a suspicious \u201cwhoisthis?\u201d<\/p>\n

I was sure some enterprising suburbanite would snap up my dad’s abandoned 914 number before I could reclaim it, and my anxiety only grew as the automated voice on the customer-service line cheerily informed me that there was an unusually high call volume and the estimated wait time was eighteen minutes. I bit my nails and refreshed my browser every few minutes to find out if anything new had happened in the news, if, for example, we had sent troops into Ukraine. On speaker, the voice droned on about various mobile plans.<\/p>\n

In the meantime, I took a call from my dad. \u201cWe\u2019re very concerned,\u201d he said. \u201cDo you have a stalker? Is that why you\u2019re changing numbers?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo. I don\u2019t want to get into it. It\u2019s complicated,\u201d I said. \u201cI just need a new number. And you have to stop watching the murder channel.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe can\u2019t. The murder channel figures very prominently in our rotation. And every time a young woman is killed, we discuss the odds of the same thing happening to you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cNo one\u2019s going to murder me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThey all think that.\u201d <\/p>\n

At eighteen minutes and thirty-eight seconds, I was taken off hold. And the woman who answered, whom I will call BobbySue, was remarkable. \u201cThis is a pickle,\u201d she said, with a heavy southern accent. \u201cBut we’re going to fix it.\u201d The fix proved challenging. Several things didn\u2019t work.\u00a0The number was in some kind of limbo. It belonged to a different carrier. We couldn\u2019t reverse the process. Various departments were contacted, in vain. Minutes turned into an hour. I was beginning to despair. \u201cDon\u2019t give up!\u201d she said. \u201cI\u2019m going to try something we\u2019ve never done before.\u201d And she disappeared for fifteen minutes. \u201cDon\u2019t think I was just cooling my heels,\u201d she said when she came back on. \u201cI\u2019ve been manually searching through every 914 number available \u2026 and I found it!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, bless you, BobbySue!\u201d I said. \u201cI hope this call was monitored for customer-service purposes! Is there someone I can call, to compliment your work?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHush, it\u2019s my job!\u201d she said. \u201cNow I\u2019m just going to call your dad and make sure it works.\u201d<\/p>\n

Fifteen minutes later, she called back. \u201cYour dad is just as sweet as sugar,\u201d she said. \u201cWe had a nice talk.\u201d<\/p>\n

I thanked her again, profusely, and went to make my bed. A few minutes later, my phone rang\u2014curious only because no one yet had the new number.<\/p>\n

\u201cThis is BobbySue,\u201d she said. \u201cI was just looking through your dad\u2019s records, and I\u2019m very concerned\u2014there\u2019s no password on his voicemail.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh,\u201d I said. \u201cWell, I\u2019ll \u2026 encourage him to add one. Thank you for letting me know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cPeople think it\u2019s not important,\u201d she said. \u201cBut I\u2019m here to tell you the truth. Teenagers can get into your mailbox and leave ugly outgoing messages. And you don\u2019t even know they\u2019ve done it. And they say very ugly things. Very ugly.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019ll certainly tell him,\u201d I said. \u201cThanks\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s not all.\u201d she said. \u201cThey can also erase important messages from your mailbox. Frankly, it happened to me.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, that\u2019s awful,\u201d I said. \u201cThank\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cIt almost cost me my life,\u201d she continued. \u201cYou see, there was a threat against my life. A murder attempt. I\u2019ll call your dad and tell him how to do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat\u2019s so kind, but it\u2019s really above and beyond the call of duty,\u201d I told her hastily. \u201cI\u2019ll be sure to tell him, and I\u2019ll emphasize the\u00a0\u2026 the risks.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBe sure you do,\u201d she said darkly.<\/p>\n

I called my dad and related the conversation. \u201cPut the password on,\u201d I said. \u201cOr you might get murdered. Or, I guess, miss the call warning you of the murder. Not sure.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah, I don\u2019t need that,\u201d said my dad. \u201cNo point in descending to paranoia.\u201d<\/p>\n

The call was interrupted by the beep of a text message. \u201cThis is BobbySue,\u201d it read. \u201cI don\u2019t want this experience to frighten you out of using self-service options. There is almost nothing we can\u2019t figure out together.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Over the weekend, for reasons too silly to get into, I decided to change my phone number. It was a surprisingly emotional process. I have had this, my first phone number, for some twelve years, and there was something bittersweet about abandoning the area code of my parents\u2019 suburban home. A great deal of the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":178,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4393,13115],"tags":[8714,13053,13052,13051,353,54],"class_list":["post-67427","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-first-person","category-our-daily-correspondent","tag-customer-service","tag-hotlines","tag-murder-she-wrote","tag-phone-numbers","tag-teenagers","tag-television"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nMurder, She Wrote by Sadie Stein<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"March 3, 2014 \u2013 Over the weekend, for reasons too silly to get into, I decided to change my phone number. It was a surprisingly emotional process. 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