{"id":66827,"date":"2014-02-17T14:58:48","date_gmt":"2014-02-17T19:58:48","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=66827"},"modified":"2014-03-08T15:01:52","modified_gmt":"2014-03-08T20:01:52","slug":"recapping-dante-canto-17-or-dante-goes-to-los-angeles","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2014\/02\/17\/recapping-dante-canto-17-or-dante-goes-to-los-angeles\/","title":{"rendered":"Recapping Dante: Canto 17, or Dante Goes to Los Angeles"},"content":{"rendered":"

This winter,\u00a0we\u2019re recapping<\/a>\u00a0the Inferno.\u00a0Read along<\/a>!<\/em><\/p>\n

\"geryon<\/a>

William Blake, Geryon Converting Dante and Virgil Down Towards Malebolge<\/i><\/p><\/div>\n

A transcript from the <\/i>Dante\u2019s Inferno writers\u2019 room.<\/i><\/p>\n

Executive Producer: Did everyone get the canto 17 draft Dante sent around?<\/p>\n

Writer One: Oh, where do I even start? It\u2019s pretentious, it\u2019s dry, it\u2019s incomprehensible. When it opens, we\u2019re in the third ring of the seventh circle. There\u2019s a serpentine monster the guys meet, but instead of checking it out or slaying it or whatever, Dante forges ahead and talks to some usurer guy who\u2019s wearing a giant bag under his chin. He\u2019s not too chatty, so then the focus turns back<\/i> to the monster\u2014<\/p>\n

Executive Producer: Does the monster have a name?<\/p>\n

Writer Two: Geryon.<\/p>\n

Executive Producer (mulling this over)<\/i>: That\u2019s a good name.<\/p>\n

Writer One: Yeah, but then it gets ridiculous. Virgil and Dante ride on the monster\u2019s back like they\u2019re in Disney World.<\/p>\n

Writer Two: Well, they\u2019re in hell. Pretty close. Maybe we can get marketing to pitch a Geryon ride somewhere.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Writer One: It\u2019s so bizarre that I can guarantee you this entire canto is a giant inside joke between Dante and himself. He was probably sitting there chuckling away when he wrote this. We\u2019re going to lose our slot if we air the episode this way.<\/p>\n

Writer Two: We should get him on speakerphone.<\/p>\n

Dante (via speakerphone)<\/i>: I\u2019m already here, guys. I\u2019ve been here the whole time. But you\u2019re going to have to speak up\u2014I\u2019m driving and some asshole accidentally flipped his Prius over. There\u2019s just noise everywhere. I\u2019m, like, two feet from a burning body. It\u2019s awesome.<\/p>\n

Writer One: Listen, listen\u2014this monster. We should do a bit more exposition on him. Why\u2019s he wearing so many different colors? Why does he have a face, a snake\u2019s body\u2014and paws? It\u2019s hard to picture. Graphics is on our case about it.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Dante: It\u2019s Geryon. Everyone knows it\u2019s Geryon\u2014that\u2019s his look. The man-snake-paws thing, that\u2019s his trademark. Read a fucking book.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Executive Producer: How will anybody know who this is? Have you considered who\u2019s watching this channel on Sundays at nine?\u00a0<\/p>\n

Dante: Are you telling me we need to simplify our show for people who don\u2019t read books? Is that what you want? To end up behooven to a bunch of TV idiots?<\/p>\n

Writer Two: I think the word you want is beholden<\/i>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Dante: The word I want is shut up! I\u2019m not going to the Emmys this year only to get shut out by goddamn House of Cards<\/i>. We are so much better than that. We are classic<\/i>. You\u2019re the same guys who made me turn La Vita Nuova<\/i> into a pandering rom com. That\u2019s not happening again.\u00a0 I\u2019d rather donate a million dollars to a Ghibelline super PAC than compromise on this.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Writer Two: We\u2019ll table the monster issue for the moment.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Dante: Hang on a sec. (Presses a button)<\/i>\u00a0Hi, yeah I\u2019d like a hamburger and fries, animal style?<\/p>\n

Writer Two: I can\u2019t work like this. I\u2019d rather go back to Weinstein.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Dante: I\u2019m back, sorry\u2014got an important call from my agent just now.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Executive Producer: Let\u2019s please just move on. Dante, the writers and I want to know why you thought it was a good idea to have Virgil let Dante go off on his own to talk to sinners unsupervised.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Dante: Because Virgil is busy taking care of monster things. He can\u2019t take care of monster affairs when he\u2019s busy with telling Dante what to do.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Writer One: But it\u2019s so strange that it happens all of a sudden. It\u2019s only happened one other time. Dante can\u2019t just do stuff on his own.<\/p>\n

Dante: Dante can do whatever I make him.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Writer One: Well, can you make him do something cool, then? Something that pops? These sinners are so minor, and they have these weird pouch things on their necks\u2014<\/p>\n

Dante: They\u2019re usurers. Do you know what subtext is? Do I have to explain this? There\u2019s literally a bidet in my apartment in Florence that\u2019s smarter than you are right now.\u00a0 Hang on. (Distantly<\/i>) Can I have more ketchup, please? I want these fries to swim<\/i>. (At full volume<\/i>) Hey, guys? I\u2019m at my next meeting now, so I have to go. I\u2019ll call you back. (Disconnects)<\/i><\/p>\n

Executive Producer: No, Dante, wait! Shit. Can we save this thing? Maybe sex it up somehow? Can we write a female character who seduces Dante?<\/p>\n

Writer One: No, we can\u2019t, remember? Dante said we can\u2019t have any romance in the whole show because his character needs to stay dedicated to Beatrice.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Writer Two: Yeah, the moment he said that our over-forty demographic just vanished.\u00a0 Thanks a lot, Beatrice.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Executive Producer: Okay, fuck it. I\u2019m going to get our CGI guy working on making this monster ride the most exciting thing since Lord of the Rings<\/i>, and I\u2019m gonna see if James Franco will play our sinner. Sound good? And can we, I don\u2019t know, kill someone off? Is that feasible?<\/p>\n

Writer Two: Who is there to kill off? They\u2019re all already dead.<\/p>\n

Writer One: Except Dante<\/i>.<\/p>\n

To catch up on our Dante series, click here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

Alexander Aciman is the author of <\/em>Twitterature<\/a>. He has written for the <\/em>New York Times, <\/em>Tablet, the <\/em>Wall Street Journal, and <\/em>TIME. Follow him on Twitter at @acimania<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This winter,\u00a0we\u2019re recapping\u00a0the Inferno.\u00a0Read along! A transcript from the Dante\u2019s Inferno writers\u2019 room. Executive Producer: Did everyone get the canto 17 draft Dante sent around? Writer One: Oh, where do I even start? It\u2019s pretentious, it\u2019s dry, it\u2019s incomprehensible. When it opens, we\u2019re in the third ring of the seventh circle. There\u2019s a serpentine monster […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":419,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[419],"tags":[12900,2930,2445,12902,12028,11680,12901],"class_list":["post-66827","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-arts-culture","tag-canto-xvii","tag-dante","tag-harvey-weinstein","tag-la","tag-the-divine-comedy","tag-virgil","tag-writers-room"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nRecapping Dante: Canto 17, or Dante Goes to Los Angeles by Alexander Aciman<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"February 17, 2014 \u2013 This winter,\u00a0we\u2019re recapping\u00a0the Inferno.\u00a0Read along! A transcript from the Dante\u2019s Inferno writers\u2019 room. 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