{"id":60784,"date":"2013-12-27T15:24:13","date_gmt":"2013-12-27T20:24:13","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=60784"},"modified":"2014-03-07T13:58:18","modified_gmt":"2014-03-07T18:58:18","slug":"almanac","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2013\/12\/27\/almanac\/","title":{"rendered":"Almanac"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"West-Side-Highway-New-York-Paris-Review\"<\/a><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

All this week, we are bringing you some of your favorite posts from 2013. Happy holidays!<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cWhat would Ben Franklin make of this, if he were sitting here right now?\u201d mused my father.\u00a0We were driving on the West Side Highway. I was living with my parents following a breakup. This was fairly typical, topic-wise.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019d have to explain, Dr. Franklin, you are sitting in a conveyance known as a \u2018car.\u2019 These horseless carriages you see are also cars. They operate via combustion engines. Those lanterns you see there are powered by something called \u2018electricity.\u2019 And then, of course, I\u2019d have to explain about movies. Dr. Franklin, those large posters you see are advertising something we call \u2018films.\u2019 You go into a large room and see a talking picture projected onto a screen by means of\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy do you have to say \u2018talking picture\u2019?\u201d demanded my mother irritably. \u201cWhy can\u2019t you just say \u2018movie\u2019?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cThat would be too confusing. I have a lot of ground to cover, acquainting him with the modern world. And I\u2019d say, Dr. Franklin, perhaps I shall take you to a moving picture. Would you like to see a comedy? A romance?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTake him to see a period piece,\u201d I put in eagerly. \u201cThen you could acquaint him with some of the historical events that occurred in the intervening period!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cGood idea,\u201d he said. \u201cNow, Dr. Franklin\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy are you calling him doctor?\u201d said my mother.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe was given an honorific by the Royal Academy!\u201d said my father impatiently. \u201cIt was what everyone called him. It was what he preferred to be called! That\u2019s common knowledge, Priscilla!<\/p>\n

\u201cOkay, okay.\u201d<\/p>\n

I suppose you could call this a low point. I lived in my childhood room. I commuted to and from my job every day via MetroNorth and spent most of my free time with my family. For the first time, I went to see a therapist. This was kind of a big deal, since no one in my family really did therapy. Once, in the eighties, my mom and dad had gone to a marriage counselor, who suggested they get divorced. Anyway, this woman and I hated each other on sight, and she told me I should disengage from my parents. This seemed impractical, under the circumstances. <\/p>\n

\u201cHow long,\u201d said Dad, \u201cdo you think it would take Dr. Franklin to adjust to the modern world, to grasp the rudiments of modern technology, Priscilla?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI have no idea.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cCome on, guess.\u00a0How long?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don\u2019t know.\u00a0Two minutes.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTwo minutes<\/i>? Are you joking? To grasp electricity\u2014television\u2014the Internet\u2014are you out of your mind?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI<\/i> don\u2019t know! You made me guess!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cTwo minutes.\u201d He shook his head.<\/p>\n

The therapist said I should connect with joyful things. I tried my hand at children\u2019s fiction. \u201cThere once was a doll,\u201d I wrote, \u201cwho rejoiced in the name of Carol Lynn Krouk.\u201d (Krouk was a name I used a lot in my writing.) \u201cKrouk was a loud doll with a disproportionate head.\u201d This is as far as I got.<\/p>\n

\u201cDr. Franklin would doubtless like to pay a visit to that establishment,\u201d said my father. We were passing a billboard for Larry Flynt\u2019s Hustler Club. \u201cHe was a notorious ladies\u2019 man, of course.\u201d<\/p>\n

For a few days, I thought a great deal about where rage sits in the stomach, as opposed to contempt, guilt, self-loathing, and grief.\u00a0This much I knew: they were all close, like the sinuses and the teeth, and it is easy to confuse one for the other. But I was not sure\u00a0 whether they lay in strata, or were instead compartmentalized. This is the sort of thing people knew about in the Middle Ages, but now it felt like a lonely path. Once I thought I\u2019d do an abstract watercolor of the concept, as it struck me as suitably artistic. But then I couldn\u2019t find a brush, so that was that.<\/p>\n

The therapist decided I needed medical help, so I visited a psychiatrist instead. She was right; also, as noted, we had hated each other.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, he was a man of science,\u201d I said now. \u201cHe\u2019d probably grasp concepts relatively quickly. But, Dad, don\u2019t you think it would be better if you had someone who actually understood all the technology explain it to him?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWe don\u2019t have that option. He\u2019s appeared in this car.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut I mean, he has the capacity to understand the basic science, probably.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I could call Cy,\u201d he said, referring to a second cousin who is a doctor.\u00a0\u201cCy, guess who I have here.\u00a0No, guess.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHarry, this is tedious,\u201d said my mother sharply.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, you won\u2019t guess.\u00a0Ben Franklin<\/i>! Yes, the Ben Franklin!\u00a0I\u2019m putting him on.\u00a0Here, Ben, speak into this.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHello? Yes, this is Dr. Franklin\u2014\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHarry, stop it,\u201d said my mother.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0Sometimes I think that was the happiest time of my life.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

All this week, we are bringing you some of your favorite posts from 2013. Happy holidays! \u201cWhat would Ben Franklin make of this, if he were sitting here right now?\u201d mused my father.\u00a0We were driving on the West Side Highway. I was living with my parents following a breakup. This was fairly typical, topic-wise. \u201cI\u2019d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":178,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4393,13115],"tags":[6451,4693,8432],"class_list":["post-60784","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-first-person","category-our-daily-correspondent","tag-benjamin-franklin","tag-nostalgia-2","tag-parents"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nAlmanac by Sadie Stein<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"December 27, 2013 \u2013 All this week, we are bringing you some of your favorite posts from 2013. 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