{"id":28833,"date":"2012-03-30T16:28:02","date_gmt":"2012-03-30T20:28:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=28833"},"modified":"2012-03-30T17:04:16","modified_gmt":"2012-03-30T21:04:16","slug":"doubt-anxiety","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2012\/03\/30\/doubt-anxiety\/","title":{"rendered":"Poetic Doubt; Battling Anxiety"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>I recently read <\/em>Poets in Their Youth<\/a>, by Eileen Simpson. Now I\u2019ve taken to doubting my every turn. Am I a lout? A drag on my partner\u2019s freedom and happiness? Am I going to drink myself into a coronary or into some sort of baking mishap? Is there anyway I can pretend that I won\u2019t die cold and alone?<\/p>\n

Ash Ponders<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Ash,<\/p>\n

From your note it\u2019s hard to tell whether you\u2019re a poet or a poet\u2019s main squeeze. Those are both high-pressure jobs and generally conducive to drinking. But take heart. For whatever reason, poets today\u2014even good ones\u2014are much less likely to walk in front of a car, or gas themselves, or even destroy their livers than poets fifty years ago. This makes them easier to live with, I imagine. (How could it not?)<\/p>\n

Like, perhaps, more than a few of your readers, I am an anxious person. This anxiety manifests itself in a number of ways, but one of the most taxing is when it renders me extremely irritable. Feeling overwhelmed by a cornucopia of small tasks, I sometimes experience an actual skin-crawling physical discomfort as I attempt to slog through them\u2014it\u2019s nails-on-a-chalkboard all over if someone tries to talk to me or sends me an e-mail or if I even glance at any of my open tabs in Chrome. I have the feeling that reading should help\u2014but all those tiny words on a page! It just makes me feel even more agitated. Do you have any particularly soothing books you could recommend? The book equivalent of a warm bath? (Obviously one can\u2019t take a warm bath at work. Or at least not at mine.) <\/p>\n

Tim<\/em><\/p>\n

First, turn off your computer. You could have the calm of a lama, and you still wouldn\u2019t be able to read a book and keep an eye on your e-mail. It can\u2019t be done.<\/p>\n

Now, are you able to sneak out of the office? If so, head to the nearest library. Really. In my last job I used to take the subway up to the Forty-second Street library whenever I could. One day I got busted by my editor-in-chief. He was doing the exact same thing. <\/p>\n

If you can\u2019t leave your desk, then close your door. If you can\u2019t close your door, try earplugs or noise-canceling headphones.<\/p>\n

Readers of this column know my opinion of the Jeeves books. They are gratinee for the soul. Kids\u2019 books lower my blood pressure, too: Roald Dahl, Narnia, E. Nesbit\u2019s Complete Book of Dragons<\/em>. My grandfather, in his long final illness, swore by Trollope.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

But I wonder whether you may want to read one or two good books that speak directly to your condition: Tim Parks\u2019s memoir Teach Us to Sit Still<\/a><\/em> or Sarah Manguso\u2019s The Guardians: An Elegy<\/a><\/em>. Both writers suffered, at different times, from a \u201cskin-crawling physical discomfort\u201d that made reading (and all sorts of other things) unbearable. Both books are pithy and engaging, to say the least. Daniel Smith\u2019s Monkey Mind: A Memoir of Anxiety<\/a><\/em> won\u2019t come out till July, but in the meantime, he has a Web site \u201cabout living with anxiety.\u201d I commend it to your attention. <\/p>\n

Okay, now<\/em> turn off your computer. Don\u2019t bother reading the next question. It will only freak you out. <\/p>\n

Dear Paris Review,
\nIs it weird to wear a \u201cfashion mask\u201d?
\nI say no, but my mom says I look perverted.<\/p>\n

Curious,
\nD.R.<\/em><\/p>\n

There\u2019s nothing \u201cweird\u201d or \u201cperverted\u201d about a fashion mask. I happen to be wearing one right now, in black mohair. I call it the Hamburglar. My lady friends call it the Snuggler. Everyone calls it fab.<\/p>\n

Have a question for the editors of <\/em>The Paris Review? E-mail<\/a> us.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I recently read Poets in Their Youth, by Eileen Simpson. Now I\u2019ve taken to doubting my every turn. Am I a lout? A drag on my partner\u2019s freedom and happiness? Am I going to drink myself into a coronary or into some sort of baking mishap? 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