{"id":19110,"date":"2011-08-04T16:56:53","date_gmt":"2011-08-04T20:56:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=19110"},"modified":"2011-08-07T16:23:46","modified_gmt":"2011-08-07T20:23:46","slug":"undateable-toolkit-reading","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2011\/08\/04\/undateable-toolkit-reading\/","title":{"rendered":"#Undateable; Toolkit Reading"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/p>\n

Inspired by the new hashtag sensation<\/a>, who are your top \u201cundateable\u201d literary characters (and your top \u201cdateable\u201d)? \u2014Rhonda<\/em><\/p>\n

Heathcliff is definitely up there. So is Cathy. (My favorite entry is \u201cDetective, possibly with Asperger Syndrome, opium addict, involved in bromance with roomie.\u201d) At the risk of double-dipping, this week I\u2019d award the palm to Harriet, narrator and heroine of the aforementioned After Claude<\/a><\/em>:<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cI\u2019m not a charlady. I\u2019m a sensuous woman. Please, Claude, please. I\u2019m not asking you to take me to rapturous heights. Your feeble efforts mean more to me than all your mountain goats rolled into one. Remember how it was for us at the beginning, Claude? Gigantic. You were a tidal wave. All right. Maybe it\u2019s not in you to maintain that hectic pace. I don\u2019t care. I\u2019m not like other women. I\u2019m not asking for heaven, Claude, I\u2019m just asking to be held.\u201d
When the echo of my shrill voice died out, there was a resounding silence left in the room, as if a monster rock-and-roll concert had ended on one abrupt note.
\u201cHarriet, don\u2019t cry.\u201d
\u201cWhy not? After all we\u2019ve meant to each other, suddenly you\u2019re horrified by my touch.\u201d
Claude, completely dressed, took my hand and held it tightly. \u201cI\u2019m sorry if I\u2019ve given you that impression, Harriet, because it\u2019s not correct. I had no right to blame the breakup on you.\u201d
\u201cThere doesn\u2019t have to be a breakup. I don\u2019t want to hear about breakups,\u201d I wailed.
\u201cYou\u2019re a beautiful girl, an intelligent girl, a sensitive girl. It\u2019s just that we\u2019re not suited.\u201d
\u201cAre you determined to spend your life with a stupid slut?\u201d
Claude sighed. \u201cI need to be alone.\u201d
\u201cWhat is this suicidal despair? So you haven\u2019t been King Farouk for a couple of weeks. It\u2019s not such a tragedy.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

The most dateable woman\u2014the most dateable character\u2014I can think of is Viola in Twelfth Night<\/em>, but my eleven-year-old self would have killed to have a Coke with Jolenta, of The Book of the New Sun<\/a><\/em>.<\/p>\n

Dear Mr. Stein, I love <\/em>Wallace and Gromit. I want to be a claymation artist! My mom likes <\/em>The Paris Review. She told me to read a book. She says those arts-and-crafts books with play dough don\u2019t count. Do you know a book about clay?
Jessie<\/em><\/p>\n

Dear Jessie,
That\u2019s some pretty fancy spelling you\u2019ve got there, for an unlettered, clay-obsessed tot. \u201cPlay dough,\u201d indeed. The correct spelling is Play-Doh, but as the classicists used to say,\u00a0lectio difficilior potior<\/em>. Do you know what that means, Jessie? It means that when six-year-old pica patients start throwing around silent\u00a0gh<\/em>\u2019s where none belong, I smell a rat. Tell your \u201cmom\u201d you\u2019ll read a book as soon as you\u2019ve caught up on\u00a0Mr. Bill<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Dear Lorin,
I grew up on a rural farm and work as a wildlife conservationist. My wife and I share a love for the outdoors, but I\u2019m afraid to tell her that I hide espionage novels and books like <\/em>Age of Innocence in my tool shed. Do you know of any other books regarding class struggle, Oxford-like settings, and secrets? Also, preferably editions that fit within a standard toolkit.<\/em>
Mr. Man<\/em><\/p>\n

That would be The Go-Between<\/a><\/em>. Class struggle, check; secrets, check. No Oxford, only a nightmarish English boarding school, but the New York Review Classics edition it\u2019s guaranteed to fit in any toolkit. Even if the experiment has never been tried before.<\/p>\n

Have a question for <\/em>The Paris Review? E-mail<\/a> us.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Inspired by the new hashtag sensation, who are your top \u201cundateable\u201d literary characters (and your top \u201cdateable\u201d)? \u2014Rhonda Heathcliff is definitely up there. So is Cathy. (My favorite entry is \u201cDetective, possibly with Asperger Syndrome, opium addict, involved in bromance with roomie.\u201d) At the risk of double-dipping, this week I\u2019d award the palm to Harriet, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[56],"tags":[2940,1618,3133,3129,3132,3134,3131,3122,3136,3137,3130,3120,3135,3125,3138,3078,3119,1955,3128],"class_list":["post-19110","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ask-the-paris-review","tag-after-claude","tag-age-of-innocence","tag-cathy","tag-claymation","tag-hashtag","tag-jolenta","tag-lectio-difficilior-potior","tag-mr-bill","tag-new-york-review-classics","tag-oxford","tag-pica","tag-play-doh","tag-the-book-of-new-sun","tag-the-go-between","tag-toolshed","tag-twelfth-night","tag-undateable","tag-viola","tag-wallace-and-gromit"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n#Undateable; Toolkit Reading by Lorin Stein<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"August 4, 2011 \u2013 Inspired by the new hashtag sensation, who are your top \u201cundateable\u201d literary characters (and your top \u201cdateable\u201d)? 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