{"id":160166,"date":"2022-06-13T12:02:34","date_gmt":"2022-06-13T16:02:34","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=160166"},"modified":"2022-06-15T08:44:57","modified_gmt":"2022-06-15T12:44:57","slug":"cambridge-diary-2014","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2022\/06\/13\/cambridge-diary-2014\/","title":{"rendered":"Cambridge Diary, 2014"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"\"<\/a>

Photograph by J.D. Daniels.<\/p><\/div>\n

Saturday. July. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 7:15 am<\/u><\/p>\n

Yoga.<\/p>\n

Translating Bayard\u2019s Peut-on appliquer la litt\u00e9rature \u00e0 la psychanalyse? <\/em>from a Spanish copy of \u00bfSe puede aplicar la literatura al psicoan\u00e1lisis? <\/em>One word at a time. Speed limit, 25 mph.<\/p>\n

To Cartagena with Jamie this 22-26 September.<\/p>\n

Tonight Jamie, Josh and Ellen will come for dinner.<\/p>\n

Humid, overcast, drizzling rain, 60\u02daF but feels much hotter.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sunday.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 6:10 am.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 68\u02daF<\/u><\/p>\n

Beginner\u2019s Orchids.<\/em> Phalaenopsis, cymbidium, oncidium.<\/p>\n

Reconciliation with the father. Henry IV, Part One.<\/em><\/p>\n

Ideas for essays on films. Sorcerer<\/em> at Brattle vs. Clouzot\u2019s Wages of Fear.<\/em> Or Stark\u2019s The Hunter\u00a0<\/em>vs. Point Blank<\/em>. A man who knows nothing about movies writes these words about a movie he enjoyed.<\/p>\n

Cycled yesterday with Jamie through green Concord, in preparation for 2015 in Karnataka, Tamil Nadu and Kerala.<\/p>\n

Ran three miles.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Monday. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 5:55 am.\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 70\u02daF<\/u><\/p>\n

Manic. Dreamt of Paris. Darkness, water, light, birth.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour idea of comfort is just the pain you\u2019ve gotten used to,\u201d Joanne snarled at me.<\/p>\n

Tolstoy\u2019s How Much Land Does A Man Need?\u2014<\/em>My father used to say, \u201cHow many lobsters does a man need? One to put in his mouth, and the other one to stick up his ass. That\u2019s two lobsters, Johnny. A man needs two lobsters.\u201d A dog can learn a hundred words, a cat can learn about thirty. What is the thirty-first lobster? How many words does a man need?<\/p>\n

Won\u2019t run today. Must ice left heel.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tuesday.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 6:49 am<\/u><\/p>\n

Ran three miles yesterday. Did not ice foot.<\/p>\n

Last night, Seroquel at half nine. Up this morning, wide awake at half three for Ativan. Still couldn\u2019t sleep. Seven-fifteen, dose and a half Abilify.<\/p>\n

Reich\u2019s Music for 18 Musicians.<\/em><\/p>\n

David Yow has sent my painting. Come on, man. I feel happy.<\/p>\n

I shouldn\u2019t have cut my hair, but now it can\u2019t be helped. Patience.<\/p>\n

Reading H. Croly\u2019s Promise of American Life.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cThis is what I see and what troubles me. I look around in every direction and all I see is darkness.\u201d\u2014Pascal. But I love the darkness.<\/p>\n

Sounds of trucks backing up, interminably.<\/p>\n

Shestov\u2019s Tolstoy and Nietzsche<\/em>, cited in Groys\u2019 Anti-philosophy<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Maile Meloy\u2019s story \u201cMadame Lazarus\u201d in New Yorker<\/em> 23 June has a surprisingly strong opening paragraph.<\/p>\n

Looking forward to Economist<\/em> report on \u201cPoland\u2019s Golden Age.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Wednesday. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a06:55 am.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 73\u02daF<\/u><\/p>\n

Slept eight hours for the first time since the conference.<\/p>\n

Plan to grill out tonight on red brick terrace, if it doesn\u2019t rain.<\/p>\n

Massage yesterday. Lifting weights later this morning.<\/p>\n

Dr T\u2019s lack of general knowledge continues to startle me. Earlier this week, he did not know what a golem was. Yesterday he did not know Tiresias, old man with wrinkled dugs. He did not recognize the connection of mene, mene, tekel, upharsin<\/em> to the expression handwriting on the wall.<\/em> What is it that they learn in medical school?<\/p>\n

Haydn\u2019s piano sonata no. 23 in F major.<\/p>\n

Cheerful geraniums, pencil plant, new side-by-side by Hollander of Paradiso<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Idea. Journey to the West <\/em>from Boston to Seattle on I-90 and I-94.<\/p>\n

Mann in Diary<\/em> on the respect shown to him that was not wholly meant for him, but for what he was, or represented. A bygone era.<\/p>\n

Beethoven\u2019s piano sonata no. 9 in E major, op 14 no 1.<\/p>\n

Mozart\u2019s piano sonata no 17 in B flat K 570.<\/p>\n

Venice for 40th birthday?\u2014<\/em>Shindig in Venedig.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Thursday.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 4:50 am. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a072\u02daF<\/u><\/p>\n

Up at 1 am. Came down to the basement for three more hours sleep.<\/p>\n

Two coffees and letters to Pierce, Greif, Petrovich, Wood, Baker, Nemser, Mason, Stephan, Klebaum, Parker.<\/p>\n

Listening to Sudhir Pandey play tabla.<\/p>\n

Emptying the storehouse of my head. If that is where these things are stored.<\/p>\n

Bayard translation. Coming right along.<\/p>\n

Cross-country trip USA twice, right to left and top to bottom. X marks the spot, you are no longer here.<\/p>\n

Colombia w Jamie and Yucat\u00e1n solo, dates and arrangements.<\/p>\n

Kerala early next year, that will have to be January.<\/p>\n

My parents want to visit late in August. They can\u2019t stay here.<\/p>\n

Passenger<\/em>. A man who knows nothing about movies. De-centered narratives, Middlemarch<\/em>, Yeazell on same. The switcheroo from Marion to Norman in Psycho<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Sat 11:30 pm, Thief of Bagdad<\/em> 1924 silent with Douglas Fairbanks.<\/p>\n

Photocopies for Frank and IRS.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Friday. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 3:27 am<\/u><\/p>\n

Solo drive Badlands, Devils Tower, etc<\/em>. to Los Angeles, Aug-Sept 2014.<\/p>\n

Anthrax\u2019s \u201cBe All, End All.\u201d<\/p>\n

Paganini\u2019s partita for solo violin no. 3.<\/p>\n

Blind Willie Johnson, \u201cWhen the war was on.\u201d<\/p>\n

Brendel plays Beethoven\u2019s sonata no. 1 in F minor, first movement.<\/p>\n

Haydn sym 93, D major.<\/p>\n

A much cooler day, overcast, still. Maybe rain later. Birds began singing before dawn.<\/p>\n

Bogot\u00e1 radio 610 am.<\/p>\n

Yoga.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Saturday.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 6:45 am<\/u><\/p>\n

Woke at half five, having slept 7.5 hours soundly.<\/p>\n

Dreamt<\/em> of Sanford\u2019s resurrection. He came back as \u201cAbel Sabeth.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOrnithology,\u201d \u201cNow\u2019s The Time,\u201d \u201cScrapple from the Apple,\u201d \u201cConfirmation,\u201d \u201cBillie\u2019s Bounce.\u201d Intense exposure, repeated listening.<\/p>\n

Riffs and progressions for split seven-inch with Andy, Tony, James.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Monday.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 3:58 am.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 74\u02daF and thunderstorms are predicted<\/u><\/p>\n

Ran two miles.<\/p>\n

Coffee with Julia.<\/p>\n

Moravia\u2019s Which Tribe Do You Belong To?<\/em> in Locke\u2019s house in The Passenger.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Thursday.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 7:10 am.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 68\u02daF<\/u><\/p>\n

La Carinosa, <\/em>Cartagena 1270 am.<\/p>\n

Taxi to Needham Junction c. 1 pm, to meet Russ at his wife\u2019s new juice bar, then come home on the commuter-rail.<\/p>\n

Listening to Greatest Salsa Classics of Colombia, vol 1.<\/em><\/p>\n

Had pozole and enchiladas chicken ranchero with rice and beans at Boca Grande, then watched Coogan and Brydon\u2019s The Trip<\/em> with Susanna.<\/p>\n

Brendel plays Beethoven\u2019s piano concerto no 1 in C major, op 15.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Saturday.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 5:53 am. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a063\u02daF<\/u><\/p>\n

Summer suit ready for pick-up today at J. Press.<\/p>\n

F says, of our book proposal, \u201cThis is going to work.\u201d \u2014 The transition from \u201cI\u201d to \u201cwe.\u201d A real leader says \u201cwe.\u201d<\/p>\n

Lester Young plays \u201cPolka Dots and Moonbeams.\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sunday.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 6:47 am.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 64\u02daF<\/u><\/p>\n

No yoga today.<\/p>\n

More cuts to, and more bulking of, US-83 proposal with F.<\/p>\n

Gave Jamie a copy of TPR<\/em> 209 for his flight to Purdue.<\/p>\n

Middlemarch, <\/em>again.<\/p>\n

Pius Cheung plays Goldberg Variations <\/em>for marimba.<\/p>\n

Black noise-cancelling headphones on. This ache in my left shoulder, this burning pinch. Posture can control it or already does, has generated it, will adapt to it. I am creating it, not in any grandiose theological way, but through attention or inattention, posture, and many small voluntary or habitual actions.<\/p>\n

My left ear is ringing.<\/p>\n

All this lonely \u201cheroism.\u201d As an attempt to escape from interdependence. But a \u201cself\u201d is generated thru a web or electromagnetic field of relations.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Monday.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 5:23 am.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 61\u02daF<\/u><\/p>\n

Woke from pain in my neck and shoulder, terrible, familiar. These are symptoms I had twenty years ago. The pain of my head, and of all that is in it. — The doctor asked me, \u201cHave you been in a car accident?\u201d — I said, \u201cI\u2019ll be honest with you, I don\u2019t remember.\u201d<\/p>\n

Birds of the morning now begin to call.<\/p>\n

Reading Galbraith\u2019s Affluent Society. <\/em>Ordered his Indian Painting<\/em> book.<\/p>\n

Bought two cognitive-science titles at Harvard Book Store yesterday, We Are Our Minds<\/em> from Spiegel & Grau and It\u2019s a Jungle in There<\/em> from Penn UP.<\/p>\n

Five red geraniums back in the well. Pencil plant. New desert succulent called sun-catcher.<\/p>\n

Ran three miles, stretched, chin-ups.<\/p>\n

Largo fr. Bach\u2019s violin concerto in G min BWV 1056.<\/p>\n

Horowitz plays Mozart\u2019s piano sonata 13 in B flat, K 333.<\/p>\n

Waiting for F\u2019s response to a third revision of our US-83 proposal.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tuesday.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 7:10 am.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Already it\u2019s 65\u02daF.<\/u><\/p>\n

Lunch with Bill at noon today on Comm Ave.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve put in nearly two hours at my desk, revamping this book proposal.<\/p>\n

Teeth cleaned Wednesday, before meeting Dr A.<\/p>\n

Prism casts spectrum on desk and wall at 7:20, but not at 7:37.<\/p>\n

Browsing in, and cannibalizing, my diary. You are my child, I want to eat you. I made you, and I can eat you. Come with me. You belong to me, you are my flesh. I can bite my fingernails, can I not. I do with me as I please.<\/p>\n

Listening to adagio from Bach\u2019s toccata in C major, BWV 564.<\/p>\n

Drew a route map for F of eight to ten long hauls in USA.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Wednesday.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 5:30 am.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 72\u02daF and thunderstorms are expected<\/u><\/p>\n

Ran two miles. Oatmeal with raisins, strawberries, blueberries, honey, then a small espresso. The Jazz Spectrum on 95.3 fm\u2014Eric Dolphy, then Brubeck\u2019s \u201cJazz Impressions of New York.\u201d<\/p>\n

The new issue of Flaunt <\/em>has come out, with my essay \u201cI Saw The Number Fifteen On A Dead Man\u2019s Chest.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sent a fifth and still v. rough draft of the proposal to F.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Thursday.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 6:38 am.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 74\u02daF<\/u><\/p>\n

Dream<\/em>: \u201cjunior officer Daniels was basically unharmed.\u201d The enormous automatic shotgun, the female police squad. \u201cYou should see the other guy.\u201d<\/p>\n

This morning, sixth draft of proposal. Sent.<\/p>\n

Meeting with Dr A at quarter after one.<\/p>\n

Call dealership, service department, about car\u2019s window problem.<\/p>\n

My teeth ached yesterday after cleaning. This morning, not too sore.<\/p>\n

Startled to see that I gained two pounds. One double and one single espresso, two glasses of water, a banana, a white peach and a yellow peach.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m Going To Run To The City of Refuge\u201d by Blind Willie Johnson.<\/p>\n

Watching footage from Club<\/em>, the Jesus Lizard tour video.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Friday. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 7:44 am. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a063\u02daF<\/u><\/p>\n

I have already put in a two-hour shift at my desk, revising the book proposal for F for a tenth time. Only ten thousand more to go. So engrossed by my work was I that I let my coffee grow cold. A new trick.<\/p>\n

Began Hofstadter\u2019s Surfaces and Essences <\/em>yesterday afternoon.<\/p>\n

Thai lunch with Parker in three hours. Green onions.<\/p>\n

Cut the edge of a nostril shaving. I could smell the iron in my blood.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Saturday.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 6:19 am.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 65\u02daF<\/u><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been awake since half past three. Did not take Seroquel last night.<\/p>\n

Slow movement from Beethoven\u2019s sixth.<\/p>\n

Re-read Cymbeline<\/em> yesterday.<\/p>\n

Skipping rope on the brick terrace. Hot.<\/p>\n

Ruthless decluttering: further de-accessioning of excess books.<\/p>\n

Beethoven\u2019s piano sonata no 2 in A major op 2 no 2. Lipkin.<\/p>\n

Translating Goethe\u2019s poem \u2018Urworte. Orphisch<\/em>\u2019 as best I am able.<\/p>\n

Tonight, dinner at Maria\u2019s. Pork tenderloin and spaghetti with bottarga. Her recent Sardinian trip.<\/p>\n

Dinner last night with Mike. Steak tips, three ears of corn with butter and salt, grilled asparagus, salad, bread and cheese.<\/p>\n

Listening to Handel as I straighten up my office.<\/p>\n

Overture to Tannhauser.<\/em><\/p>\n

Three bags paperbacks & hardbacks, out.<\/p>\n

Old copies n+1<\/em> and Paris Review <\/em>to attic.<\/p>\n

Analogies are constructed using materials near at hand. Use only the best materials for this task.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Sunday.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 7:16 am. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 69\u02daF and thunderstorms are expected<\/u><\/p>\n

Organizing 2013 photos of Chaumukha Mandir for David and Judy before I ask them to come with me to Pure Souls<\/em>, a show of Jain paintings at MFA 09 August.<\/p>\n

I slept nine hours straight through the night after half an Abilify, an Ativan before Maria\u2019s party, and a Seroquel at bedtime. Amazing what getting so stoned was able to do in terms of increasing my tolerance for Jackie.<\/p>\n

I have not hit a lick on this book proposal since Friday afternoon.<\/p>\n

Began reading Paradiso. <\/em>First two cantos. It\u2019s slow going, for a sinner. As is Eliot\u2019s Middlemarch, <\/em>a novel \u201cfor grown-up people,\u201d since I am not a grown-up person.<\/p>\n

Finished Hofstadter\u2019s Surfaces and Essences.<\/em> There was a lot worth thinking about in his book, but not as much as he thought. Had I been his editor, I would have cut two hundred pages.<\/p>\n

Fan e-mail calls my writing \u201cspare and evocative.\u201d If she knew what a Rat Man I am, dragging my bag of dirty treats with which to inundate and overwhelm. Spareness is achieved by carving away. Early drafts are not spare.<\/p>\n

V calls, drunk, to praise a recent story of mine. I don\u2019t believe him.<\/p>\n

Randhawa and Galbraith\u2019s volume on Indian Painting.<\/em><\/p>\n

I was aghast to see what the dental hygienist showed me in my mouth, a tooth with its gum receded to the point that the root is nearly exposed. Fear.<\/p>\n

Charles Bowden, who is, for the most part, unreadable. And yet.<\/p>\n

Out for dinner tonight with Jamie, who is back from having fucked his considerable brains out with an assistant professor at Purdue.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Monday.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 6:59 am.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 69\u02daF and thunderstorms are expected<\/u><\/p>\n

Yesterday, Old Cambridge Baptist Church.\u2014Topic of sermon was \u201csecretary to the sacred,\u201d Matthew 13:52: \u201cThen said he unto them, Therefore every scribe which is instructed unto the kingdom of heaven is like unto a man that is an householder, which bringeth forth out of his treasure things new and old.\u201d \u2014 What God wants us to \u201cwrite,\u201d if we are not writers, or to write<\/em>, if we are.\u2014I scrambled for the door after the service, but the preacher blocked my way.\u00a0They\u2019re onto me, they can smell it on me. The heat. Souls in hell burn.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Tuesday. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 7:38 am.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 65\u02daF<\/u><\/p>\n

Dream: <\/em>\u201cI am what I am,\u201d and the truth will out. A beautiful dream. I have not slept so well in more than a month.<\/p>\n

Lifted weights, smoked a good cigar (Casa Fernandez of Miami petit robusto<\/em>), dinner carne asada a la tampique\u00f1a<\/em> at Jos\u00e9\u2019s. Red sauce.<\/p>\n

Re-reading dialogues of Settembrini and Naptha in The Magic Mountain<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Re-reading Christoph T\u00fcrcke\u2019s Philosophy of Dreams. <\/em>Making notes.<\/p>\n

Possible drive from Bismarck through Williston, Billings, Devils Tower, and the South Dakota Badlands.<\/p>\n

Flood tide of semi-sewage in my office yesterday after pounding rains. Exterminator confirms recently sighted rats do not nest on our property.<\/p>\n

Today and Thursday, meetings with Dr A.<\/p>\n

YMCA and lunch with Andy (torta in Medford) tomorrow.<\/p>\n

I will not go to Cartagena with Jamie this 22-26 September.<\/p>\n

Mozart\u2019s piano concerto no 9 in E flat.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Wednesday. \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 8:13 am.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 66\u02daF<\/u><\/p>\n

Spent the morning answering letters.<\/p>\n

My teeth still hurt. That cleaning last Tuesday changed my bite. Used medicinal enamel toothpaste for the first time yesterday before dinner.<\/p>\n

Captain Dorner, dying of pancreatic cancer, emailed me last night about my \u201cLetter from Majorca.\u201d<\/p>\n

Sore. But YMCA should cure that. Squat, bench, back extension, chins.<\/p>\n

Overture from Tannh\u00e4user<\/em> four times yesterday. Now the Grand March.<\/p>\n

Breakthroughs in my thinking yesterday, as I smoked and re-read T\u00fcrcke\u2019s Philosophy of Dreams<\/em>, caused me to feel anxious again, as if revisiting post-conference days. Compulsion to repeat.<\/p>\n

I took an Ativan and listened to Tannh\u00e4user<\/em> and to Parsifal<\/em>. Then an Abilify before dinner with Jamie.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Thursday.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 5:40 am.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 65\u02daF<\/u><\/p>\n

The end of July. I knew it had to come.<\/p>\n

Yesterday, tortas at Tenoch and a good talk with Andy. Finished re-reading T\u00fcrcke. Now re-reading Hamilton\u2019s Mythology<\/em> and The Gospel of John.<\/em><\/p>\n

Dreamt of Carlos Fuentes. I look forward to Christopher Unborn. <\/em>Happy memories of finishing Destiny and Desire<\/em> in Mike\u2019s apartment last March.<\/p>\n

Began to do homework on Vel\u00e1zquez, before visiting his portrait of G\u00f3ngora I love so much. But decided not to act as if I were a schoolboy.<\/p>\n

Sierra Leone declares Ebola to be a public health emergency.<\/p>\n

Rescue workers in western India race to locate survivors of a landslide that has claimed at least 30 lives and buried up to 200 people.<\/p>\n

Argentina has defaulted on its debt for the second time in 13 years.<\/p>\n

Boko Haram in Nigeria kidnaps the wife of the president of Cameroon.<\/p>\n

Boehner and the House have voted to sue Obama.<\/p>\n

To Cartagena with Jamie after all?\u2014Two months from now.<\/p>\n

Another Casa Fernandez petit<\/em> robusto after Dr A today.<\/p>\n

NBC reports: \u2018Libya teeters on the brink of collapse.\u2019 Likewise Foreign Affairs: <\/em>\u2018Libya on the brink.\u2019 The Nation<\/em> on Ukraine: we\u2019re in the \u201cworst American-Russian crisis since the Cuban missile confrontation.\u201d What is the aim of a headline?\u2014hyperbole, to sell ad space in a newspaper.<\/p>\n

Surfing:<\/em> it takes place on the surface<\/em>. A false etymology? Likewise diving <\/em>shares no root with divine. <\/em>Depth psychology. SCUBA certification in Rhode Island: make inquiries. \u201cI can swim,\u201d howls David Yow. Comfortable in the water. There is no depth, <\/em>it\u2019s surface all the way down. The inside and the outside are the same side. The mask is the face. There\u2019s nothing underwater,<\/em> other than more water.<\/em>Once you\u2019re in the water, it\u2019s all water.<\/p>\n

Real loss of interest in book proposal. I\u2019ll come back to it.<\/p>\n

B has gotten himself arrested.<\/p>\n

Democracy Now! <\/em>en espa\u00f1ol. Typed first demon-<\/em>cracy, then demo-crazy.<\/em><\/p>\n

Last night while grilling sausages and zucchinis, a thrilling fantasy of power and freedom: no longer a writer, simply a man.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Postscript:<\/strong><\/p>\n

An immense temptation to pretty all this up, complexifying it.<\/p>\n

And I, and I.\u2014Dear diary, I did my homework and went to bed.<\/p>\n

Maybe the writing we do for ourselves alone (or \u201calone\u201d) is the most fictional of all. You can\u2019t read other people\u2019s minds: what makes you think you can read your own?<\/p>\n

2014. The classic breakdown ages are nineteen and forty. Now I had a pair, like silver candlesticks. But I could still write down times and temperatures, names of friends, titles of books, music I listened to, and what I ate, which is not nothing.<\/p>\n

The words sanity<\/em> and insanity<\/em> are like the words flammable <\/em>and inflammable<\/em>: their meanings are the same.<\/p>\n

In the end, I did fly to Colombia with Jamie. And what did I see in Cartagena? A man beat another man with a chair until the chair broke into pieces. Then he beat him with the broken pieces of the chair.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

J. D. Daniels is the winner of a 2016 Whiting Award and<\/em>\u00a0The Paris Review\u2019s 2013 Terry Southern Prize.<\/em> His collection<\/em>\u00a0The Correspondence (F<\/em>arrar, Straus and Giroux) was published in 2017.\u00a0His writing has appeared in<\/em> The Paris Review,\u00a0Esquire, n+1, Oxford American, Los Angeles Review of Books\u00a0and elsewhere, including<\/em>\u00a0The Best American Essays and<\/em>\u00a0The Best American Travel Writing.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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