{"id":155029,"date":"2021-10-07T14:00:19","date_gmt":"2021-10-07T18:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=155029"},"modified":"2021-10-08T16:22:37","modified_gmt":"2021-10-08T20:22:37","slug":"dodie-bellamys-many-appetites","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2021\/10\/07\/dodie-bellamys-many-appetites\/","title":{"rendered":"Dodie Bellamy\u2019s Many Appetites"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_155035\" style=\"width: 1010px\" class=\"wp-caption alignnone\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/mina-harker.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-155035\" class=\"size-full wp-image-155035\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/mina-harker.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"1000\" height=\"742\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/mina-harker.jpg 1000w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/mina-harker-300x223.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/10\/mina-harker-768x570.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (min-width: 62.5em) 67vw, 100vw\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-155035\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">Screenshot from \u201cInternet Archive\u201d of the trailer for <em>Dracula<\/em>, <em>Mina &amp; John<\/em>, 1931, Public domain, via Wikimedia Commons.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>\u201cI loved it when my tits or my cock or my asshole would destroy my own ego with their needs,\u201d writes Dodie Bellamy in <em>The Letters of Mina Harker<\/em>. It\u2019s true that these body parts and many others assert themselves vehemently throughout the text, which is already a riot of warring impulses and contradictory or just chorusing voices. Most writing strives to unify impulses, to find harmony between the heart (or whatever) and the mind, the corporeal and the spiritual, the story and its narrator. Dodie begins this book by disassembling that expectation, mocking it as she discards it, bringing it up again and again only to find it eternally lacking. Formal contrivance can never compete for long with what\u2019s real and right in front of us. This book interrupts itself often to critique itself, or tell the story of its own creation, or take a break from itself to eat a snack, jerk off, begin again. <!--more--><\/p>\n<p>I have to admit, the first time I attempted to read this book circa 2012, I didn\u2019t \u201cget it.\u201d I came to it because I was obsessed with diaries and had loved Dodie\u2019s then-latest book, which was a diary that she initially serialized as a blog of an affair with a shitty Buddhist teacher. The central conceit of \u201cMina Harker\u201d\u2014that the minor character from Dracula has been transported to mid-\u201980s San Francisco, in order to possess the body of Dodie Bellamy and correspond with her clique of queer poets, artists, and theoreticians\u2014seemed arbitrary to me, or worse, overdetermined: vampirism standing in for <small>AIDS<\/small>, yikes. I had entered the Dodie-verse via a more straightforward strain of her writing. Reading \u201cthe Buddhist,\u201d I was never wondering what Dodie meant. But in \u201cMina Harker,\u201d as the first-person voice trails off midsentence or shifts into italics, the reader is never exactly sure who is speaking. The fictive Dodie and Mina and the author Dodie document each others\u2019 existence in real time. The overall impression is of a huge box of tangled jewelry dumped out onto the bed, some of it tarnished, some of it obviously fake, but with precious gems mixed in and not always readily apparent. At the time of my first reading, I didn\u2019t have the patience to sift. It had not yet occurred to me that the pile itself could be the treasure. \u201cBad metaphors are the only way we can approach the really important things, don\u2019t you agree?\u201d<\/p>\n<p>The first letter, dated July 3, 1986, is addressed \u201cDear Reader.\u201d In it, we meet Mina, who is desperate to set the record straight about Dracula, Jonathan Harker, and Van Helsing. We also meet Dodie, whose voice alternates sometimes interchangeably with Mina\u2019s. July 3 was her wedding day. At first being married seems as much of a postmodern goof as any of the book\u2019s other antics, getting off on the conventional subversion of a gay man and a queer woman dressing up and promising \u201ctil death.\u201d Thirty-five years later, this book is a document of one of the early years of one of the greatest and most artistically productive marriages of all time. Though Dodie describes and addresses several other love affairs in this book, Kevin Killian is the constant, the book\u2019s inciting presence and its reason for being. Their love is incandescent, funny and tragic and palpable in every sentence of the book. He is both larger-than-life sex god and droll observer, torrid bodice-ripper and quotidian meal-sharer. He and Dodie spend a lot of time watching rented videocassettes. He edits the book that he\u2019s in: \u201c \u2018Not another sex scene!\u2019 KK tosses my manuscript on the coffee table, \u2018It would be nice if the reader could occasionally see me doing something besides coming.\u2019 \u201d More so than the transcendent sex scene that precedes it, this bit of dialogue is a portrait of ideal partnership.<\/p>\n<p>Mina and Dodie write to Sam D\u2019Alessandro both before and after his death from <small>AIDS<\/small> at age thirty-one. Death is as omnipresent in this book as sex, intertwined with it exquisitely and painfully. Dodie wishes to be like Sam, in writing and in life: \u201cI\u2019d love to live in your writing, to fuck with abandon as if that were the easiest thing in the world to come by.\u201d After he dies, she writes to him as if he were still alive, memorializing by telling him about himself: \u201cthe Sam I knew was a typhoon of sex and hate, he loved the scars of others but flaunted his own beauty.\u201d She doesn\u2019t worry about boring him with her newsy dispatches from the world of corporeality, her love affairs and meals and outfits. This way of mourning could chafe or seem callous, but it\u2019s real. Mina\/Dodie keeps a photo of Sam to stare at as she writes: \u201cYour eyes will remain unreadable to me, will never \u2018reveal\u2019\u2014but that\u2019s not the point, is it\u2014the point is to look, not in horror not in pity or even in compassion, but to look as precisely as possible at the ever-wavering presence right in front of one\u2014this is the closest beings as imperfect as we can come to love.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>Dodie\u2019s descriptions of and evidence of graphomania make me jealous. She describes heading into a caf\u00e9 for a caffeine and diary-writing \u201cfix.\u201d She marries the ephemeral\u2014the intrusive-thought horror movie fantasies, the embarrassing half-thought that flits through the body and mind during sex\u2014with observations that reverberate with import. The sex scenes that KK called out for being too omnipresent in the book are necessary, vibrant documents of moments that usually fade as fast as an orgasm. Since poets are fucking, language itself is a part of the sex act, and writing itself is also eroticized: \u201cMy breasts are no longer breasts but titties <em>just the thought of keyboarding the word titties excites me SAY IT<\/em>.\u201d Writing and sex are the same in this book. It feels radical, in our pleasure-starved and inspiration-stunted moment, to encourage or confess an appetite for either.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em>Emily Gould is the author of three books including most recently the novel\u00a0<\/em>Perfect Tunes<em>.<\/em><\/p>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/bookshop.org\/books\/the-letters-of-mina-harker-9781635901597\/9781635901597\">The Letters of Mina Harker<\/a><em>\u00a0is being published by Semiotext(e) on October 19th, 2021.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>\u201cAt the time of my first reading, I didn\u2019t have the patience to sift. It had not yet occurred to me that the pile itself could be the treasure.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":305,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[419],"tags":[67827],"class_list":["post-155029","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-arts-culture","tag-featured"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.4 (Yoast SEO v25.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Dodie Bellamy\u2019s Many Appetites by Emily Gould<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"October 7, 2021 \u2013 \u201cAt the time of my first reading, I didn\u2019t have the patience to sift. 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