{"id":142935,"date":"2020-02-19T09:00:11","date_gmt":"2020-02-19T14:00:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=142935"},"modified":"2020-02-18T16:40:41","modified_gmt":"2020-02-18T21:40:41","slug":"russias-dr-seuss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2020\/02\/19\/russias-dr-seuss\/","title":{"rendered":"Russia\u2019s Dr. Seuss"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

Let me tell you something about children\u2019s poetry: people tend to create it for the right reasons. I was taught this concept in connection to medieval lyric poetry. My teacher\u2019s point was that art made in the modern world is under scarcely any obligation to be good. It can be interesting instead, or new. Or it can \u201cbear witness.\u201d Being good\u2014actually good\u2014is even considered a little pass\u00e9.<\/p>\n

The minute you bring a six-year-old into the picture, though, everything changes. She<\/i> doesn\u2019t care whether what you\u2019re doing \u201cserves as a useful critique.\u201d She wants it to be good<\/i>. Consequently, if I\u2019m in a used bookstore and I see a book called Thai Children\u2019s Poetry<\/i>\u00a0or\u00a0Setswana Children\u2019s Poetry<\/i>\u00a0or\u00a0Inuit Children\u2019s Poetry<\/i>, I pretty much buy it on contact. One wants to know: Does Botswana have a Dr. Seuss? Does Thailand? \u2019Cuz if they do, I need to know about it.<\/p>\n

Russia had a Dr. Seuss. Same deal as ours, except his hot decade wasn\u2019t the fifties; it was the twenties. There\u2019s a lot to be said here.<\/p>\n

Name:\u00a0Kornei Chukovsky. Dates: 1882 to 1969. Number of supremo-supremo classic children\u2019s books to his credit: ten or twelve. His stuff is a lot like\u00a0Green Eggs and Ham<\/i>: about that long; rhymes bouncing around like popcorn; no real point in sight. (Of course, like with everything else, you can carry whatever point you like into his books and then pretend you found it there. It\u2019s like cops planting weed in people\u2019s cars.)<\/p>\n

Chukovsky\u2019s backstory is pleasant. He was a young father; his son was sick. I think he had dysentery, I\u2019m not sure. Somehow, everyone thought the family doctor was the only one would could be consulted, so Chukovsky wound up on a train in the middle of the night with that poor kid, age like four or something, sick and moaning. To take the kid\u2019s mind off the horribleness, Chukovsky got him engrossed in some kind of collaborative improvisation game, rhyming like crazy around a story of a crocodile who comes to Saint Petersburg and eats a dog and then a cop or something\u2026 there\u2019s a war \u2026 the crocodile runs around \u2026 Chukovsky\u2019s kid was just a teeny thing, but he knew inspiration when he saw it. He forgot all about his guts and helped Mozart compose his first symphony.<\/p>\n

Next day, the two of \u2019em knew that what they\u2019d made was too good to let go off, so they sat at a table and reconstructed what they could. Chukovsky took that reconstruction, fixed it up, made it make sense, and voil\u00e0: ready for the printer. I\u2019m doing all this from memory.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

Here is a more-or-less contemporary photograph, taken by a poet you\u2019ve all read, Vladimir Mayakovsky:<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\n
\n

 <\/p>\n

But you see where this is going. The book took off, zillions of little Russian torturers memorized the whole thing\u2014I think it\u2019s like three hundred lines\u2014and Chukovsky started to get fan mail, and the publishers were instantly up his ass for more, more, more. Just like with Dr. Seuss, though, Chukovsky didn\u2019t really have it \u201con tap.\u201d He always said: When the internal weather was good, he could write a classic in one shot, and then another, the next day. But if he was not \u201cin the vein,\u201d he could squeeze \u2019til he turned orange but nothing usable would come of it.<\/p>\n

Now, one used to be able to say confidently that Chukovsky\u2019s reputation rested on those ten or twelve Russian\u00a0Green Eggs<\/i>, but twenty or thirty years ago his diary\u2014which covers like seventy years\u2014was made public, and people started seeing the man in a new light. Personally, I was shocked. I had assumed he was an infantile, mercenary little shit like most poets, but no. That man was beautiful<\/i>. I kept thinking, while I was going through that diary: \u201cI<\/i>\u00a0should be more like this.\u201d<\/p>\n

Basically, he\u2019s one of these rare ones who is capable of looking steadily at himself without attachment. He has the usual complement of human vices, but he does not succumb to them easily. When he does, he gives an honest and intelligent account. (Most people who are held up as moral exemplars are quite useless, precisely because they lack<\/i>\u00a0vices, and so of course they proceed merrily and elegantly through life. Whereas, what we wanna know is:\u00a0How shall we live, given that we\u00a0<\/i>have<\/i> these vices?<\/i>\u00a0But enough about this.)<\/p>\n

To return to meaningless children\u2019s poetry. I want you to think about Chukovsky\u2019s immortal classic \u201cTelephone\u201d (1926).<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll summarize it. A grumpy Russian guy\u2014clearly Chukovsky\u2014is sitting next to a phone. It rings. \u201cWho\u2019s speaking?\u201d \u201cElephant.\u201d \u201cWhat do you want?\u201d \u201cChocolate.\u201d \u201cFor whom?\u201d \u201cFor my son.\u201d \u201cWell how much should I send?\u201d \u201cOh, no more than five or six tons. He can\u2019t eat more than that. He\u2019s still little.\u201d<\/p>\n

Then: the crocodile calls (the one from that other poem). He wants galoshes. Then the monkeys; they want books. Then the rabbits. Then something else, and something else. Herons, pigs\u2014they all want stupid things that pigs and herons don\u2019t really want. The speaker has been exasperated from the beginning; you sense his escalating tension.<\/p>\n

The phone\u2019s ringing off the hook. Ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling, ting-a-ling! (except in Russian it\u2019s din\u2019-di-len\u2019<\/i>,<\/em>\u00a0din\u2019-di-len\u2019<\/i>,<\/em>\u00a0din\u2019-di-len\u2019!<\/i>).<\/p>\n

The gazelles are curious about the carousels \u2026 Chukovsky\u2019s tired. Days of this. He\u2019s ready to explode. Somebody else calls: they want help getting a hippo out of a bog. \u201cThe hippo out of a bog?\u201d \u201cYes!\u201d \u201cI don\u2019t want to!\u201d \u201cYou must!\u201d And then the last couplet:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n
\n

Ach! it\u2019s a terrible, horrible job
\nhauling a hippo out of a bog.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\n
\n

End of summary. Now, listen to me. Your life ain\u2019t worth living, \u2019til you go to YouTube and listen to the tape of Chukovsky reading the poem aloud. The part with the gazelles is worth the price of admission by itself. Here, let me make it easy for you<\/a>.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
\n

Now,\u00a0my<\/i> big question, these past three or four years, has been, How am I gonna translate this thing?<\/p>\n

Translation\u2019s a gas, let me tell you. In a sense, there\u2019s no way to do it right, and there\u2019s no way to do it wrong.<\/p>\n

What do I mean \u201cthere\u2019s no way to do it wrong\u201d? Well, take the first stanza of another untranslatable Chukovsky classic, \u201cPutanitsa\u201d (\u201cThe Muddle\u201d). In this piece, all the animals decide they\u2019re sick of making the sounds they\u2019re known for, and would rather adopt \u2026 new sounds. First off, the kittens decide they\u2019d like to oink instead of meow. Watch what Google translate does with it:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n
\n

Russian:<\/b><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
Zamyaukali kotyata:
\n\u201cNadoyelo nam myaukat\u2019!
\nMy khotim, kak porosyata,
\nKhryukat\u2019!\u201d<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
\n
\n

English:<\/b><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
The kittens were crocked:
\n\u201cI\u2019m tired of meowing!
\nWe want, like a pig,
\nGrunt!\u201d<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n
\n
\n

The above proves that any procedure will work. The line \u201cWe want, like a pig, grunt!\u201d\u2014especially if performed with a strong Russian accent\u2014has great charm and authority, and has indeed acquired, in my household, the status of a classic line, like something out of Virgil. The original is not better.<\/p>\n

But, of course, apropos of \u201cTelephone,\u201d I see my task as something, well,\u00a0higher<\/i>. I must devise a version that rhymes and\u2014even more important than that\u2014I need my English to have the spontaneity, limpidity, and freshness of Chukovsky\u2019s original. And here\u2019s where I find it\u2019s impossible.<\/p>\n

Lemme show you exactly what I mean. Here\u2019s the beginning of \u201cTelephone\u201d:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n
\n

\u0423 \u043c\u0435\u043d\u044f \u0437\u0430\u0437\u0432\u043e\u043d\u0438\u043b \u0442\u0435\u043b\u0435\u0444\u043e\u043d.
\n\u2014\u041a\u0442\u043e \u0433\u043e\u0432\u043e\u0440\u0438\u0442?
\n\u2014\u0421\u043b\u043e\u043d.
\n\u2014\u041e\u0442\u043a\u0443\u0434\u0430?
\n\u2014\u041e\u0442 \u0432\u0435\u0440\u0431\u043b\u044e\u0434\u0430.
\n\u2014\u0427\u0442\u043e \u0432\u0430\u043c \u043d\u0430\u0434\u043e?
\n\u2014\u0428\u043e\u043a\u043e\u043b\u0430\u0434\u0430.
\n\u2014\u0414\u043b\u044f \u043a\u043e\u0433\u043e?
\n\u2014\u0414\u043b\u044f \u0441\u044b\u043d\u0430 \u043c\u043e\u0435\u0433\u043e.
\n\u2014\u0410 \u043c\u043d\u043e\u0433\u043e \u043b\u0438 \u043f\u0440\u0438\u0441\u043b\u0430\u0442\u044c?
\n\u2014\u0414\u0430 \u043f\u0443\u0434\u043e\u0432 \u044d\u0442\u0430\u043a \u043f\u044f\u0442\u044c.
\n\u0418\u043b\u0438 \u0448\u0435\u0441\u0442\u044c:
\n\u0411\u043e\u043b\u044c\u0448\u0435 \u0435\u043c\u0443 \u043d\u0435 \u0441\u044a\u0435\u0441\u0442\u044c,
\n\u041e\u043d \u0443 \u043c\u0435\u043d\u044f \u0435\u0449\u0451 \u043c\u0430\u043b\u0435\u043d\u044c\u043a\u0438\u0439!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\n
\n

Here\u2019s\u00a0exactly<\/i>\u00a0what it says:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n
\n

My phone rang.
\n\u2014Who\u2019s talking?
\n\u2014The elephant.
\n\u2014Where from?
\n\u2014From the camel\u2019s place.
\n\u2014What do you need?
\n\u2014Chocolate.
\n\u2014For whom?
\n\u2014For my son.
\n\u2014And how much [shall I] send?
\n\u2014Oh, about five poods.\u00a0\u00a0[I don\u2019t know what a pood<\/i> is. But it\u2019s a lot.]
\nOr six:
\nHe can not eat more,
\nHe\u2019s still small!<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\n
\n

Now, if you need to, listen to the tape again, so you can experience the rhymes\u00a0as rhymes<\/i>. Now look at how that beginning has been translated by various wretches over the last fifty years.<\/p>\n

Here\u2019s\u00a0Dorian Rottenberg\u00a0(I\u2019m not making these names up):<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n
\n

My telephone rang.
\n\u201cHello,
\nWho\u2019s speaking?\u201d
\n\u201cThe Elephant.\u201d
\n\u201cOh,
\nWhere do you happen to be?\u201d
\n\u201cJungle-town, Camel-Street, 3.\u201d
\n\u201cWhat do you want?\u201d
\n\u201cSome chocolate, sweet,
\nTo give my sonnie a bit of a treat.\u201d
\n\u201cA pound or two?\u201d
\n\u201cOh, a ton will do.
\nHe just wants a little bite,
\nHe\u2019s a wee little mite.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\n
\n

Here\u2019s\u00a0Marguerita Rudolph<\/b>:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n
\n

Ding-a-ling-ling!
\nThere goes my telephone!
\n\u2014Who\u2019s speaking?
\n\u2014The Elephone.
\n\u2014From where?
\n\u2014From the Bear.
\n\u2014What do you want, Mister?
\n\u2014Chocolates for sister.
\n\u2014How many tons?
\n\u2014Send six. Or five, maybe\u2014
\nShe\u2019s little, she\u2019s only a baby.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\n
\n

William Jay Smith<\/b>:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n
\n

The telephone rang.
\n\u201cHello, who\u2019s there?\u201d
\n\u201cThe Polar Bear.\u201d
\n\u201cWhat do you want?\u201d
\n\u201cI\u2019m calling for the Elephant.\u201d
\n\u201cWhat does he<\/i> want?\u201d
\n\u201cHe wants a little
\nPeanut brittle.\u201d
\n\u201cPeanut brittle!\u2026And for whom?\u201d
\n\u201cIt\u2019s for his little
\nElephant sons.\u201d
\n\u201cHow much does he want?\u201d
\n\u201cOh, five or six tons.
\nRight now that\u2019s all
\nThat they can manage\u2014they\u2019re quite small.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\n
\n

Jamey Gambrell<\/b>:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n
\n

Jing-a-ling-a-ling.
\nThe telephone
\nbegan to ring.
\nElephant was on the line,
\ncalling from Chez Porcupine.
\n\u201cWhat do you want?\u201d
\nI asked him up front.
\n\u201cIf I had my druthers,\u201d
\nhe said in a mutter,
\n\u201cI\u2019d order some more of your peanut butter.\u201d
\n\u201cHow much,
\nwho\u2019s it for,
\nand what\u2019s the location?\u201d
\n\u201cJust a ton
\nfor my son,
\ncare of Pachyderm Station.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\n
\n

Look, I\u2019m not one of these ones who gets all het up about exactitude. When it comes to children\u2019s poetry, my philosophy is: Entertain the little morons at all costs. If you have to change things (camel into bear, son into sons, son into sister), go right ahead. But it\u2019s gotta have that rhythm. It\u2019s gotta pop<\/i>.<\/p>\n

Some of those lines above? I\u00a0curdle<\/i>. \u201cWee little mite\u201d? \u201cElephone\u201d? It\u2019s probably enough to say Chukovsky would not have preserved the poem if it were awkward like that.<\/p>\n

Sigh. I\u2019m going to close with my own attempt at the first three lines\u2014an attempt that, for all its faults, has at least this authority: it was created on horseback, as it were. I just mean it was created without recourse to writing implements. I had been trying to solve the problem of those opening lines for years; I wanted the first line to be an anapestic trimeter, like it is in Russian. Suddenly the following bit came to me, alone in the Mazda on the way to Austin, Northbound 183, November 2019:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n

\n
\n
\n

If there\u2019s one thing I hate, it\u2019s the phone.
\nThat thing will not leave me alone.
\nObnoxious, annoying, irrelevant\u2026
\n\u2014Brrrrng!!!<\/i>\u2014I pick up. It\u2019s the elephant.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

\n

Anthony Madrid lives in Victoria, Texas. His second book is\u00a0<\/em>Try Never<\/a>. He is a correspondent for the\u00a0<\/em>Daily.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Name:\u00a0Kornei Chukovsky. Dates: 1882 to 1969. Number of supremo-supremo classic children\u2019s books to his credit: ten or twelve. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1005,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[419],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-142935","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-arts-culture"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nRussia\u2019s Dr. Seuss by Anthony Madrid<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"February 19, 2020 \u2013 Name:\u00a0Kornei Chukovsky. Dates: 1882 to 1969. 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