{"id":125198,"date":"2018-05-10T11:00:43","date_gmt":"2018-05-10T15:00:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=125198"},"modified":"2018-05-10T11:45:58","modified_gmt":"2018-05-10T15:45:58","slug":"poetry-rx-pleasure-as-a-means","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2018\/05\/10\/poetry-rx-pleasure-as-a-means\/","title":{"rendered":"Poetry Rx: Pleasure as a Means"},"content":{"rendered":"

In our column\u00a0Poetry Rx<\/a>, readers\u00a0write in<\/a>\u00a0with a specific emotion, and our resident poets\u2014Sarah Kay, Kaveh Akbar, and Claire Schwartz\u2014take turns prescribing the perfect poems to match. This week, Sarah Kay is on the line.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Original illustration by Ellis Rosen.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Poets,<\/em><\/p>\n

My cousin is getting married in a month. We were born ten days apart, which we take pride in like we planned it, and grew up like sisters. We drifted a bit and now work different hours and are states away. We have a tradition of writing something to each other before momentous occasions. I\u2019ve always looked up to her\u2014she\u2019s an adventurous, kind soul and has shouldered a lot of unexpected responsibility with grace. I have this well of happiness for her and her soon-to-be husband, but I\u2019m having trouble expressing it. I know she\u2019d appreciate even a simple \u201cI\u2019m so happy for you,\u201d but I want to say more. I feel both giddiness and this more stable undercurrent of joy for them. Can you help point me in a direction for well wishes like these? Are there any you hold dear to your heart?<\/em><\/p>\n

Thank you,<\/em>
\n Speechless Congratulations<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Speechless,<\/p>\n

One of the most common requests that poets get is to recommend poems for weddings. Sometimes we get asked to write original pieces for close friends, sometimes just to help find one for someone else to read. There are so many excellent love poems, and it\u2019s difficult to pick the right wedding poem for a couple I don\u2019t know. But\u00a0wedding season is<\/em> approaching, and I bet many folks will be writing in with similar requests soon, so I will give this one a shot. For you, for your cousin, let\u2019s read \u201cOn the Occasion of Your Wedding<\/a>,\u201d by Sandra Beasley. Sandra writes:<\/p>\n

People will tell you it is natural
\nto pair off. People say this despite<\/p>\n

the Pope, in his backseat built for one.
\nPeople say this despite the cuttlefish,<\/p>\n

with three hearts of his own and no room
\nfor more \u2026<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Sandra notes that there is nothing natural <\/em>about the messiness of a dedicated partnership, the \u201cclog of drain hair\u201d and \u201cthe way you tuck used Kleenex into the crevice of his recliner.\u201d And yet in spite of this, or perhaps because of it, she applauds the couple for saying, \u201cScrew it <\/em>and I do.<\/em>\u201d In your letter, you mentioned your cousin\u2019s adventurousness and her ability to meet the challenges that have come her way. It sounds to me like she is the kind of person who would nod her head at Sandra\u2019s sage advice that \u201cthey make duct tape for situations like this.\u201d I love this poem because not only does it celebrate the courage it takes to choose marriage in this endlessly chaotic world where nothing is promised, but it also includes small and practical blessings like \u201cknowing when to leave the room.\u201d Best of all, it ends with a single joyful thought\u2014one that is perhaps the same thought all we romantics dressed as cynics have at weddings\u2014\u201cYou fools. You lucky, lucky fools.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2013SK\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Dear Poets,<\/em><\/p>\n

I am twenty-one years old and suddenly feel an urgent need to explore the full range of my sexuality. I thought I had closed the young-adult chapter of <\/em>Finding Myself, but it feels as if I\u2019ve stumbled upon five more pages that I have yet to read. Do you have a poem for the exhilarating, terrifying experience of exploring new parts of yourself?<\/em><\/p>\n

\u2014Curious<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Curious,<\/p>\n

Yes<\/em>. Yes to being twenty-one and feeling an urgent need to explore your sexuality. Yes to having more pages to read. Yes to feeling exhilarated and terrified. I can\u2019t wait for you to read \u201cPeanut Butter<\/a>,\u201d by Eileen Myles<\/a>. I find it queer and sexy and exhilarating and beautiful. Something I especially want to call to your attention is this section, where Eileen writes:<\/p>\n

All
\nthe things I
\nembrace as new
\nare in
\nfact old things,
\nre-released: swimming,
\nthe sensation of
\nbeing dirty in
\nbody and mind
\nsummer as a
\ntime to do
\nnothing and make
\nno money. Prayer
\nas a last re-
\nsort. Pleasure
\nas a means,
\nand then a
\nmeans again
\nwith no ends
\nin sight. I am
\nabsolutely in opposition
\nto all kinds of
\ngoals. I have
\nno desire to know
\nwhere this, anything
\nis getting me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

That is the trick to finding yourself, Curious. It is not a young-adult phenomenon, I promise. It is unending. Because even the things that are old things become \u201cre-released.\u201d Eileen has the right idea: no desire to know where this<\/em> is getting them, just committed to exploring new and rereleased parts of themself. \u201cI\u2019m immoderately \/ in love with you, \/ knocked out by \/ all your new \/ white hair \/ why shouldn\u2019t \/ something \/ I have always \/ known be the \/ very best there \/ is,\u201d Eileen writes. And I toss this question your way as well: Perhaps you have always known that you have more to explore (your sexuality and beyond). If so, is this need to explore the very best there is? I hope so. I hope you follow Eileen\u2019s recommendation: \u201cI squint. I wink. I take the ride.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2013SK<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Dear Poets,<\/em><\/p>\n

You know that helpless feeling of starting something new and feeling wholly unprepared to start it? Like maybe you made the wrong choice because you\u2019re not good enough, not whole enough, not smart enough? And then that thought rattles around in your head until you have to remind yourself to breathe easier? Because the clock is ticking and this thing will be starting soon? But you can\u2019t even embrace the excitement of this new opportunity because there\u2019s a real chance you\u2019re about to be absolutely horrible at it? And no one will be surprised, least of all yourself? Is there a poem for that?<\/em><\/p>\n

Best,<\/em>
\n A Lead-Lined Ball of Anxiety<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear LLBoA,<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve never read Mary Oliver\u2019s very well-known poem \u201cWild Geese<\/a>,\u201d I would recommend you do so. But Mary\u2019s poem is not actually the poem I want to give you today. The poem I want to recommend is Cristin O\u2019Keefe Aptowicz\u2019s poem \u201cWild Geese: After Mary Oliver<\/a>.\u201d (For those less familiar, this is something that poets do: write poems \u201cafter\u201d another poet, in response to the poem\u2019s text or inspired by the poem\u2019s form.) Cristin\u2019s poem is full of reminders I think you need to hear right now:<\/p>\n

Your pendulum heart doesn\u2019t need
\nto swing so hard in either direction.
\nNails don\u2019t have to be bitten to the nub.<\/p>\n

You have to believe that the ground will
\nmaterialize under your feet the moment
\nyou step forward. No one can tell you<\/p>\n

if it will be rock gravel, or slick with pain.
\nNo one can travel this road before you do.
\nIt is yours, and it is beautiful because of it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I will tell you a secret: I have occasionally suspected\/hoped that Cristin wrote this poem for me. (I have no evidence that this is actually true, though she is <\/em>a dear friend and longtime mentor, and she has<\/em> had to be the one to endure many of my late-night anxiety-laden phone calls, so it certainly feels like this particular poem could<\/em> be addressed to someone a whole lot like me.) In any case, I do feel that you<\/em> are a whole lot like me, LLBoA. And I think both of us need this poem. Where Mary Oliver\u2019s poem is concerned with reminding us that \u201cyou do not have to be good\u201d in order to still be welcome \u201cin the family of things,\u201d Cristin is concerned with reminding us that \u201cyou don\u2019t have to be crushed under the spokes of your own desire to be proven worthy enough.\u201d That you have this new opportunity and care so deeply about it are strong evidence that you are worthy of it. Of course, there is a chance that you will be horrible at it when you first start. Most people do not start something brand-new and ace it. There is a learning curve, and that is what practice and experience are for. But try to remember Cristin\u2019s words, and I promise I will too: \u201cNo one can travel this road before you do. \/ It is yours, and it is beautiful because of it.\u201d I am excited for you to start.<\/p>\n

\u2013SK<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Want more? Read earlier\u00a0installments of\u00a0Poetry Rx<\/a>! Need your own poem?\u00a0Write to us<\/a>!<\/i><\/p>\n

Sarah Kay<\/a>\u00a0is a poet and educator from New York City. She is the codirector and\u00a0founder of\u00a0Project VOICE<\/a>\u00a0and the\u00a0author of four books of poetry, including\u00a0<\/em>B,<\/em>\u00a0No Matter the Wreckage,\u00a0<\/em>The Type, and\u00a0<\/em>All Our Wild Wonder.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In our column\u00a0Poetry Rx, readers\u00a0write in\u00a0with a specific emotion, and our resident poets\u2014Sarah Kay, Kaveh Akbar, and Claire Schwartz\u2014take turns prescribing the perfect poems to match. This week, Sarah Kay is on the line.     Dear Poets, My cousin is getting married in a month. We were born ten days apart, which we take […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1411,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[33114],"tags":[34027,5365,8617,34024,3349,34025,604,21605,34026],"class_list":["post-125198","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poetry-rx","tag-cristin-okeefe-aptowicz","tag-eileen-myles","tag-mary-oliver","tag-on-the-occasion-of-your-wedding","tag-peanut-butter","tag-sandra-beasley","tag-weddings","tag-wild-geese","tag-wild-geese-after-mary-oliver"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nPoetry Rx: Pleasure as a Means<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In our column Poetry Rx, readers\u00a0write in\u00a0with a specific emotion, and our resident poets\u2014Sarah Kay, Kaveh Akbar, and Claire Schwartz\u2014take turns prescribing the perfect poems to match. 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