{"id":123598,"date":"2018-03-29T11:00:18","date_gmt":"2018-03-29T15:00:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=123598"},"modified":"2018-03-29T14:29:40","modified_gmt":"2018-03-29T18:29:40","slug":"poetry-rx-just-keep-going-no-feeling-is-final","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2018\/03\/29\/poetry-rx-just-keep-going-no-feeling-is-final\/","title":{"rendered":"Poetry Rx: No Feeling Is Final"},"content":{"rendered":"

In our column Poetry Rx, readers\u00a0write in<\/a>\u00a0with a specific emotion, and our resident poets\u2014Sarah Kay, Kaveh Akbar, and Claire Schwartz\u2014take turns prescribing the perfect poems to match. This week,\u00a0Claire Schwartz is on the line.<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>

Original illustration by Ellis Rosen.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Poets, <\/em><\/p>\n

I met a boy my first semester of college, and I immediately liked him, but then I watched as he fell in love with another girl. They had everything in common, and he experienced many firsts with her. They dated all through freshman year, then broke up over the summer. Then he and I began dating. We love each other immensely, and we\u2019re even planning a future together. I know bits and pieces of his past relationship, but I\u2019m too nervous\/insecure to ask him about it directly. I feel like it shouldn\u2019t matter, but I also want to understand that part of his life. I am experiencing many of my own firsts with him, and his ex-girlfriend pops into my head. I find myself jealous and angry and hurt sometimes, even when I know I have no right to be. I guess I need help in understanding my jealousy. Is there a poem that will teach me how to accept that he had a previous love and life before we shared ours?<\/em><\/p>\n

Love,
\n<\/em>Abashedly Jealous\u00a0<\/em>
\n<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Abashedly Jealous,<\/p>\n

When I read your letter, this leapt out: \u201cI find myself jealous and angry and hurt sometimes, even when I know I have no right to be.\u201d I\u2019ve also often felt that I have no right to those darker feelings. But feelings don\u2019t respect rights, and bludgeoning them with reason will only lodge them somewhere out of reach\u2014like an impacted tooth. Maybe they won\u2019t bite, but they will hurt. It\u2019s difficult to love generously when you\u2019re hurting.<\/p>\n

And your desire to love generously shines through in your note. Move into that gentleness. Look at your feelings, turn them over, and coax them into a new shape. This will take time. Be patient with yourself. Check in with your partner. The tender honesty you bring to your own feelings will manifest in your relationship. If you do decide to ask your partner about his past, you will have done the work on yourself to hold whatever he shares with you.<\/p>\n

I offer you Angel Nafis\u2019s \u201cWhen I Realize I\u2019m Wearing My Girlfriend\u2019s ExGirlfriend\u2019s Panties<\/a>.\u201d It opens:<\/p>\n

Praise now the fabric, for protecting who it can.
\nPraise the purposeful silver needle, and the thread\u2019s long arm.
\nPraise now, the path, and the ex\u00adgirlfriend, and
\nany mouth that has known my love\u2019s impeccable salt.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Nafis\u2019s poem beautifully recalls that to love someone is to love all of them, even the past they had without you.<\/p>\n

This is the circumstance
\nof loving. To see another\u2019s name
\nwritten so plainly.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Like you, your partner is made of histories. This poem teaches me gratitude for every past experience that has shaped the person whom I love.<\/p>\n

Do not un\u00adwish a single blade of grass.
\nFor the house craves each brick.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u2014CS<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Dear Poets,<\/em><\/p>\n

I am going through a period of soul-searching.\u00a0I am finally allowing myself to feel the emotions I normally push aside. It\u2019s cleansing, but it also definitely hurts. I am looking forward to healing, but right now, it is hard.\u00a0Is there a poem for this?<\/em><\/p>\n

Sincerely,
\n<\/em>Overwhelmed with Feelings<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Overwhelmed,<\/p>\n

Your process of soul-searching has opened you to that sometimes-exhilarating, sometimes-painful experience of new feelings. The pain is not the wound. Pain is the wound\u2019s intelligence reminding you to care for yourself as you heal. In that spirit of self-care, I give you Rainer Maria Rilke\u2019s Book of Hours<\/em>\u00a0I, 59<\/a>. A book of hours is a medieval illuminated manuscript developed for laypeople who sought to incorporate elements of monastic devotion into their daily lives\u2014something quotidian to mediate the impossible vastness of spiritual being. There\u2019s a reason this poem is in the form of a sonnet and a reason why sonnets are often love poems. Sometimes our most unwieldy feelings require precise structure. Rilke\u2019s poem imagines the instructions God speaks when creating each person: \u201cgo to the limits of your longing.\u201d<\/p>\n

You are walking at your edges\u2014how else to grow except to perch differently in yourself? Audre Lorde writes, \u201cPoetry is the way we help give name to the nameless so it can be thought.\u201d I hope Rilke\u2019s poem offers you a kind of name for your experience\u2014a way you can call to it and know it more intimately.<\/p>\n

Flare up like a flame
\nand make big shadows I can move in.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Even if you don\u2019t share Rilke\u2019s faith, these lines offer something small and tangible\u2014like prayer beads or tallit fringes\u2014to hold as you move in the largeness of your interior life.<\/p>\n

Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror
\nJust keep going. No feeling is final.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

You can join with hugeness without being consumed by it. \u201cJust keep going.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2014CS<\/p>\n

*<\/p>\n

Dear Poets,<\/em><\/p>\n

There\u2019s no emotion I feel as much and as frequently as loneliness. I feel it every day. For me, learning to live with depression has come to also mean learning to live with loneliness. Tonight the loneliness is a bit too much. I feel like I am caged in the dark. Like I am the only person left on this planet. Like I\u2019m utterly, helplessly alone. Is there a poem for me?<\/em><\/p>\n

Signed,
\n<\/em>Just a Lonely Gal\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Lonely Gal,<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sorry you\u2019re feeling lonely, and so often. Today I offer you Jean Valentine\u2019s \u201cSanctuary.\u201d<\/a> It is a gathering of voices of unsure origin\u2014contingently connecting, often missing each other, despite their desires to commune.<\/p>\n

\n
You\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 who I don\u2019t know\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 I don\u2019t know how to talk to you<\/div>\n
\u2014What is it like for you there?<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n
\n
\n
\n
Here … well, wanting solitude; and talk; friendship\u2014<\/div>\n
The uses of solitude. To imagine; to hear.<\/div>\n<\/div>\n
Learning braille. To imagine other solitudes.<\/div>\n
But they will not be mine;<\/div>\n
to wait, in the quiet; not to scatter the voices\u2014<\/div>\n
<\/div>\n
What are you afraid of?<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\n

When I feel loneliest, I read the poem as if these voices are coming from a single body, grasping to know the full self. What are \u201cthe uses of solitude\u201d? Loneliness is the craving to alchemize the raw material of isolation into the creative possibilities of connection. Ask yourself that question\u2014\u201cWhat is it like for you there?\u201d\u2014and practice connecting first with yourself. It\u2019s difficult to move openly toward the world before you do.<\/p>\n

When I fall in love, I walk around alive to the world, hoping to cull something from the day\u2014a new scent, an overheard conversation, a dragon-shaped cloud\u2014that I can offer my beloved. When I write a poem, I do the same things for myself. Creating is a process of falling in love with myself. That can be a terrifying tumbling, but it is the terror of profound openness, of the relentless possibilities of connection. I walk into my interior by making\u2014a meal, a poem, a song, a drawing in the sand. Often, that interior excursion then leads me back out into the world. It\u2019s not easy, that process of transforming your loneliness.<\/p>\n

\n

Yes I know: the thread you have to keep finding, over again, to
\nfollow it back to life; I know. Impossible, sometimes.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Yes, it\u2019s impossible sometimes. Sometimes we experience loneliness devoid of creative possibility. That is painful. For those moments, hold the small comfort of the affirming voice in this poem: \u201cYes I know.\u201d\u00a0<\/em>Let that be okay. You already have so much company to keep within yourself.<\/p>\n

\u2014CS<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Want more? Read earlier\u00a0installments of\u00a0Poetry Rx.<\/a>\u00a0Need your own poem?\u00a0Write to us.<\/a>\u00a0Next week, Kaveh Akbar will be answering questions.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Claire Schwartz is the author of\u00a0<\/em>bound\u00a0(Button Poetry, 2018). Her poetry has appeared in\u00a0<\/em>Apogee,\u00a0Bennington Review,\u00a0the<\/em>\u00a0Massachusetts Review, and\u00a0<\/em>Prairie Schooner, and her essays, reviews, and interviews in\u00a0the<\/em>\u00a0Iowa Review,\u00a0Los Angeles Review of Books,\u00a0Virginia Quarterly Review, and elsewhere.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In our column Poetry Rx, readers\u00a0write in\u00a0with a specific emotion, and our resident poets\u2014Sarah Kay, Kaveh Akbar, and Claire Schwartz\u2014take turns prescribing the perfect poems to match. This week,\u00a0Claire Schwartz is on the line.     Dear Poets, I met a boy my first semester of college, and I immediately liked him, but then I […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1418,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[33114],"tags":[57,60,30328,31680,33544,513,33545,2019,17904,22105,504,165,33543,160,26206,33546],"class_list":["post-123598","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-poetry-rx","tag-advice","tag-advice-column","tag-angel-nafis","tag-book-of-hours","tag-claire-schwartz","tag-depression","tag-ellis-rosen","tag-grief","tag-jealousy","tag-jean-valentine","tag-literature","tag-poetry","tag-poetry-rx","tag-rainer-maria-rilke","tag-rilke","tag-sanctuary"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nPoetry Rx: No Feeling Is Final by Claire Schwartz<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In our column Poetry Rx, readers\u00a0write in\u00a0with a specific emotion, and our resident poets\u2014Sarah Kay, Kaveh Akbar, and Claire Schwartz\u2014take turns prescribing the perfect poems to match. 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