{"id":115803,"date":"2017-09-28T09:00:06","date_gmt":"2017-09-28T13:00:06","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=115803"},"modified":"2017-10-10T17:03:53","modified_gmt":"2017-10-10T21:03:53","slug":"help-fickle-secret-admirers-knowing-ending","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2017\/09\/28\/help-fickle-secret-admirers-knowing-ending\/","title":{"rendered":"Dear Lynda: Fickle Secret Admirers and Knowing the Ending"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><em>Have a question for Lynda Barry<\/em><em>?\u00a0<a href=\"mailto:advice@theparisreview.org\" target=\"_blank\">Email<\/a>\u00a0us.<\/em><\/p>\n<div id=\"attachment_115808\" style=\"width: 1018px\" class=\"wp-caption alignleft\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/lynda_barry_self.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-115808\" class=\"wp-image-115808 size-full\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/lynda_barry_self.jpg\" width=\"1008\" height=\"941\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/lynda_barry_self.jpg 1008w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/lynda_barry_self-300x280.jpg 300w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/09\/lynda_barry_self-768x717.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (min-width: 62.5em) 67vw, 100vw\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-115808\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">A self-portrait by Lynda Barry.<\/p><\/div>\n<p><em>Dear Lynda,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>The other afternoon, I received a text message from a number I didn\u2019t recognize. The sender asked to confirm my address, which I did, and then said there would be a \u201cspecial delivery\u201d for me, \u201carriving soon.\u201d It was exciting to think I had a secret admirer, but in the end, nothing came. Since, I\u2019ve tried googling the number, but it\u2019s yielded no results; the area code is from Pittsburgh, and I don\u2019t know anyone from there. Now I\u2019m just curious who it is and what they sent. I feel a little tossed around and it\u2019s making me angry to think I\u2019m being taunted. Should I escalate this anonymous relationship and pressure the sender for answers, or just chalk it up to the many displeasures of the Internet age and let it be? \u00a0\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Thanks in advance,<br \/>\n<\/em><em>Bemused in Brooklyn\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Dear Bemused,<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019m at a loss here, so I\u2019ve consulted a creature my friend Danny Ceballos knows, called the \u201cBad Advice Dolphin.\u201d Danny read the dolphin your letter and here is the dolphin\u2019s advice:\u00a0<!--more--><\/p>\n<blockquote><p>Dear Bemused!<\/p>\n<p>Escalate! It was a good idea to text back your address to someone you don\u2019t know! Your instincts have served you well! Now it\u2019s time to escalate! Escalate! True love is worth fighting for! Text back! Tell them the truth! You can\u2019t stop thinking of them! And you must not stop thinking of them until you get to Pittsburgh! Get to Pittsburgh! GO NOW! This whole thing sounds so magical! Tell your boss the same story and you will get time off! (Maybe even paid time off!) Keep your phone with you at all times because it is your portal to the sweet life! Auspicious beginnings such as this can only lead to good things.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Sincerely,<br \/>\nLynda B.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: center;\">*<\/p>\n<p><em>Dear Lynda,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>I am working on my first novel, and I am struggling not only with keeping the reader entertained but with keeping myself entertained. Can you think of any tricks to keep myself interested while I plow through a plot that at this point I barely know anything about, other than its ending?<\/em><\/p>\n<p><em>Yours,<\/em><br \/>\n<em>Restless in Richmond<\/em><\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>Dear Restless,<\/p>\n<p>It\u2019s hard to keep a reader entertained by a book that doesn\u2019t exist yet, though many writers try. And it\u2019s hard to stay interested in a book that doesn\u2019t exist yet if you already know how it ends, especially if you\u2019ve known the ending for a long time. You may need to trampoline yourself out of this situation by using your ending as the beginning of your book. Let that big ending be chapter 1, and go from there. Just ask yourself, And then what happens? I recommend writing your answer to this question by hand and giving yourself half the time to do it than you think you\u2019ll need. Don\u2019t use a fancy pen or paper. Write in ten-minute bursts. Try to do five of them in an hour and don\u2019t read over what you\u2019ve written until the next day. The phantom reader will have a harder time manifesting and interfering with an actual human hand committed to staying in motion for ten minutes. When you are writing without a delete button so much more is possible. Your images will have a better chance of living long enough to make themselves seen and their significance understood.<\/p>\n<p>One trick I play when that interfering voice shows up while I\u2019m writing is to address it directly. I say, Okay, <em>you<\/em> write it. Go on. Knock yourself out.<\/p>\n<p>It can\u2019t. And it knows it. It has a lot of opinions, but it has no hands. You have the hands. Keep them in motion and let them tell you what they know about the story, and keep asking, And then what? And keep your phone either turned off or on airplane mode while you\u2019re\u00a0working. No human hand can compete with an incoming text. Even a text from an unknown number in Pittsburgh can knock you out of your groove for hours.<\/p>\n<p>Sincerely,<br \/>\nLynda B.<\/p>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p><em>Lynda Barry is a cartoonist, writer, and associate professor in interdisciplinary creativity at the University of Wisconsin-Madison. A reissue of her book\u00a0<\/em>The Good Times Are Killing M<em>e is\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.drawnandquarterly.com\/good-times-are-killing-me\" target=\"_blank\">forthcoming in\u00a0October<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Have a question for Lynda Barry?\u00a0Email\u00a0us. Dear Lynda,\u00a0 The other afternoon, I received a text message from a number I didn\u2019t recognize. The sender asked to confirm my address, which I did, and then said there would be a \u201cspecial delivery\u201d for me, \u201carriving soon.\u201d It was exciting to think I had a secret admirer, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1253,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[56],"tags":[57,4209,30671,1459,939,30672],"class_list":["post-115803","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-ask-the-paris-review","tag-advice","tag-ask-the-paris-review-2","tag-danny-ceballos","tag-lynda-barry","tag-pittsburgh","tag-the-bad-advice-dolphin"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.4 (Yoast SEO v25.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Dear Lynda: Fickle Secret Admirers and Knowing the Ending by Lynda Barry<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"\u201cEscalate!,\u201d \u201cStart with the ending,\u201d and other advice from Lynda Barry.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2017\/09\/28\/help-fickle-secret-admirers-knowing-ending\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Dear Lynda: Fickle Secret Admirers and Knowing the Ending by Lynda Barry\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"September 28, 2017 \u2013 Have a question for Lynda Barry?\u00a0Email\u00a0us. 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