{"id":112508,"date":"2017-07-14T09:53:50","date_gmt":"2017-07-14T13:53:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=112508"},"modified":"2017-09-06T10:13:17","modified_gmt":"2017-09-06T14:13:17","slug":"im-telling-you-for-the-last-time-and-other-news","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2017\/07\/14\/im-telling-you-for-the-last-time-and-other-news\/","title":{"rendered":"I\u2019m Telling You for the Last Time, and Other News"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_112509\" style=\"width: 1010px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/mainzer.png\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-112509\" class=\"wp-image-112509\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/mainzer.png\" width=\"1000\" height=\"639\" srcset=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/mainzer.png 941w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/mainzer-300x192.png 300w, https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/mainzer-768x491.png 768w\" sizes=\"auto, (min-width: 62.5em) 67vw, 100vw\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-112509\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">A postcard by Alfred Mainzer.<\/p><\/div>\n<p>&nbsp;<\/p>\n<p>First, an announcement: this is my 874th On the Shelf column, and my last. I\u2019m leaving my post at <em>The Paris Review<\/em> to seek my fortune as a writer, after which, impoverished and bruised, I\u2019ll come crawling back, begging for your forgiveness. I\u2019ll give a more proper farewell in a post on Monday. For now I\u2019d like to say: it\u2019s been a pleasure and a privilege to start my day this way for the past three and a half years. The Internet, as we know, is full of garbage, but it\u2019s also full of profound, inventive, incisive writing (it is very large, this Internet), and I\u2019ve enjoyed using this space to share some of my favorites with you. We\u2019ve had some fun, haven\u2019t we? And some coffee. I\u2019m sorry for all the occasions this roundup kind of sucked: when I was hungover, say, or when I overslept, or when I looked out the window and saw a cop standing at my car writing a parking ticket. But I\u2019ve just checked, and, for the moment, there are no cops at my car. So let\u2019s have one last go at it:\u00a0<!--more--><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Let\u2019s say it again, with vim and vigor\u2014<em>fuck Ayn Rand<\/em>. And, hey, fuck Uber, too, while we\u2019re at it. Travis Kalanick, the company\u2019s disgraced former CEO, is only the latest in a long line of jackass businessmen to claim some debt to Rand\u2019s \u201cphilosophy\u201d\u2014and to preside over a corporation that would rather force people to suffer than sacrifice a profit. James B. Stewart kept track of all the execs who pray to Rand at night, and of Kalanick, he writes, \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/www.nytimes.com\/2017\/07\/13\/business\/ayn-rand-business-politics-uber-kalanick.html\" target=\"_blank\">Though people close to Mr. Kalanick told me this week that he has distanced himself from many of Rand\u2019s precepts while undergoing an intense period of personal reassessment, they all acknowledged that she\u2019d had a profound influence on his development<\/a>. Few companies have been as closely identified with Rand\u2019s philosophy as Uber \u2026 Many of her ideas were embedded in Uber\u2019s code of values. Mr. Kalanick used the original cover art for <em>The Fountainhead<\/em> as his Twitter avatar until 2013 \u2026 Representatives of Uber and Mr. Kalanick declined to comment. Rand\u2019s defenders insist that the problems for Mr. Kalanick and others influenced by Rand aren\u2019t that they embraced her philosophy, but rather that they didn\u2019t go far enough.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>A. S. Hamrah has surveyed the pop-cultural landscape in the era of Trump, and it\u2019s a grim thing indeed: \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/nplusonemag.com\/online-only\/online-only\/heads-without-bodies\/\" target=\"_blank\">Since the Trump retrenchment, the dinosaur broadcast networks have brought back\u00a0<em>American Idol\u00a0<\/em>and\u00a0<em>Big Brother<\/em><\/a>. While networks are desperate to get viewers to watch live television in prime time, they have less of a problem in the off-hours. The inauguration, White House press conferences, the Comey hearing\u2014these are examples of reality television unfettered from prime-time scheduling and its half-hour- or hour-long formats. As streaming drama can leech into viewers\u2019 lives in the form of binge watching, so can the constant stream of Trumpian reality TV consume viewers\u2019 lives in the form of browser-based live bingeing, a back-and-forth between news sources with a heavy thumb on the refresh button. The scheduling of this kind of reality TV is unpredictable, spontaneous, and extends out from live television into social media. It starts and stops according to Donald Trump\u2019s whims, while viewers wait for it. It can assemble itself quickly and appear suddenly, going from buffering to full-on catastrophe in a second, with twenty-four-hour news networks trailing behind. Its goals are to monopolize our time and waste our lives as we feed it and keep it alive.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>To hear English at its asinine and impenetrable best, hop on the UK\u2019s Southern Rail. Adrian Tahourdin has a collation of the service\u2019s most bureaucratic verbal excesses: \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/www.the-tls.co.uk\/articles\/public\/southern-rail-english\/?CMP=Sprkr-_-Editorial-_-TheTLS-_-ArtsandCulture-_-JustTextandlink-_-Statement-_-Unspecified-_-TWITTER\" target=\"_blank\">How about \u2018This service is short-form this morning and the first-class accommodation has been declassified\u2019?<\/a> Short-form means you will probably have to stand even if the \u2018declassified\u2019 first-class \u2018accommodation\u2019 offers some hope of a seat. In fact, first-class seats are clearly quite an issue: \u2018Customers sitting within the first-class area and not holding a first-class ticket please vacate the seat or be prepared to purchase a first-class ticket.\u2019 And I simply don\u2019t know what this means: \u2018This is a booked four-coach service.\u2019 \u2018Short formation\u2019 is another common phrase; we also occasionally hear \u2018reverse formation,\u2019 as in \u2018This train is in reverse formation. In plain English, that means first class is at the rear.\u2019 (Yes, that\u2019s the train manager translating his own jargon!) \u2026 And I\u2019m not sure what to make of this statement: \u2018If you are partaking of an alcoholic beverage, please drink responsibly by pouring it into a glass.\u2019 \u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Arthur Brand is \u201cthe Indiana Jones of the art world,\u201d and he\u2019s hoping to recover thirteen masterworks that disappeared from Boston\u2019s Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum twenty-seven years ago. He\u2019s betting they\u2019re in Ireland: \u201c \u2018<a href=\"http:\/\/www.cbsnews.com\/news\/boston-museum-art-heist-mystery-investigator-arthur-brand-no-doubt-in-ireland-ira\/?utm_source=Breakfast+with+ARTnews&amp;utm_campaign=ee324725a7-EMAIL_CAMPAIGN_2017_07_12&amp;utm_medium=email&amp;utm_term=0_c5d7f10ceb-ee324725a7-293591421\" target=\"_blank\">We have had talks with \u2026 former members of the IRA\u2014and after a few Guinnesses, after a few talks\u2014you can see in their eyes that they know more<\/a>,\u2019 Brand said. \u2018How do we believe you?\u2019 Doane asked. \u2018Well, I have a track record. We have found some pieces back before. So let\u2019s give this a shot,\u2019 Brand said. Brand&#8217;s highest-profile find to date came working with German police to recover bronze horse statues which stood in front of Adolf Hitler&#8217;s Grand Chancellery building. He also helped recover Salvador Dali\u2019s <em>Adolescence<\/em> \u2026 To find pieces on the black market, Brand claims to have brokered deals with terrorist groups, the mafia and a slew of shady characters. \u2018On one hand you have the police, insurance companies, collectors, and on the other hand you have the criminals, the art thieves and the forgers. So there are two different kind of worlds and they do not communicate. So I put myself in the middle,\u2019 Brand said.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Mythili G. Rao looks at a collection of short stories that have, somehow, emerged from the hermit kingdom: \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/www.newyorker.com\/books\/page-turner\/a-collection-of-north-korean-stories-and-the-mystery-of-their-origins\" target=\"_blank\">The seven stories in <em>The Accusation<\/em> are tightly constructed and closely observed; together, they paint a devastating portrait of life in North Korea in the late days of Kim Il-sung\u2019s reign, which ended in 1994<\/a> \u2026 Bandi\u2019s stories are not about outright rebellion but about the slow onset of despair; their protagonists are, for the most part, hopeful strivers struggling to keep their spirits from shattering in the face of mounting evidence that their government has betrayed them. In \u2018Record of a Defection,\u2019 a devoted wife disguises her near-starvation and hides the sexual harassment she endures from a Party boss so that her husband, who is talented but comes from a disgraced family, might advance in his career. Another story, \u2018Life of a Swift Steed,\u2019 finds an aging Party stalwart confronting the ugly fact that his lifelong service to Party and country has been squandered\u2014that the prosperity and security he thought he was building will never materialize.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>We\u2019re retiring our daily arts-and-culture links roundup. Here\u2019s the very last one. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":38,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2512],"tags":[35,29541,3913,2046,12446,19381,869,22542,21423,687,29539,191,7403,7447,7845,29540,29542,29543,29538,18687],"class_list":["post-112508","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-on-the-shelf","tag-art","tag-arthur-brand","tag-ayn-rand","tag-business","tag-dan-piepenbring","tag-donald-trump","tag-english","tag-goodbyes","tag-heists","tag-language","tag-last-roundup-ever","tag-north-korea","tag-philosophy","tag-reality-tv","tag-short-stories","tag-southern-rail","tag-stolen-art","tag-the-accusation","tag-travis-kalanick","tag-uber"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.4 (Yoast SEO v25.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>On the Shelf: the Final Edition<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We\u2019re retiring our daily arts-and-culture links roundup. Here\u2019s the very last one. It contains some Ayn Rand\u2013bashing and a mysterious art heist.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2017\/07\/14\/im-telling-you-for-the-last-time-and-other-news\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"I\u2019m Telling You for the Last Time, and Other News by Dan Piepenbring\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"July 14, 2017 \u2013 We\u2019re retiring our daily arts-and-culture links roundup. Here\u2019s the very last one.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2017\/07\/14\/im-telling-you-for-the-last-time-and-other-news\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Paris Review\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/parisreview\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-07-14T13:53:50+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-09-06T14:13:17+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/mainzer.png\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"941\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"601\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/png\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Dan Piepenbring\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@parisreview\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@parisreview\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Dan Piepenbring\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"6 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2017\/07\/14\/im-telling-you-for-the-last-time-and-other-news\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2017\/07\/14\/im-telling-you-for-the-last-time-and-other-news\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Dan Piepenbring\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#\/schema\/person\/6b16ca558fc538230f135c3220dfd3c8\"},\"headline\":\"I\u2019m Telling You for the Last Time, and Other News\",\"datePublished\":\"2017-07-14T13:53:50+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-09-06T14:13:17+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2017\/07\/14\/im-telling-you-for-the-last-time-and-other-news\/\"},\"wordCount\":1198,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2017\/07\/14\/im-telling-you-for-the-last-time-and-other-news\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/mainzer.png\",\"keywords\":[\"art\",\"Arthur Brand\",\"Ayn Rand\",\"business\",\"Dan Piepenbring\",\"Donald Trump\",\"English\",\"goodbyes\",\"heists\",\"language\",\"last roundup ever\",\"North Korea\",\"philosophy\",\"reality TV\",\"short stories\",\"Southern Rail\",\"stolen art\",\"The Accusation\",\"Travis Kalanick\",\"Uber\"],\"articleSection\":[\"On the Shelf\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2017\/07\/14\/im-telling-you-for-the-last-time-and-other-news\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2017\/07\/14\/im-telling-you-for-the-last-time-and-other-news\/\",\"name\":\"On the Shelf: the Final Edition\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2017\/07\/14\/im-telling-you-for-the-last-time-and-other-news\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2017\/07\/14\/im-telling-you-for-the-last-time-and-other-news\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/07\/mainzer.png\",\"datePublished\":\"2017-07-14T13:53:50+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-09-06T14:13:17+00:00\",\"description\":\"We\u2019re retiring our daily arts-and-culture links roundup. 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