{"id":106089,"date":"2016-12-22T11:59:43","date_gmt":"2016-12-22T16:59:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=106089"},"modified":"2016-12-22T12:46:05","modified_gmt":"2016-12-22T17:46:05","slug":"monsters-for-grownups","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/12\/22\/monsters-for-grownups\/","title":{"rendered":"Monsters for Grown-ups"},"content":{"rendered":"

Learning the ins and outs of our Reptilian overlords.<\/em><\/p>\n

<\/a>

An artist\u2019s rendering of the coming lizard-human war.<\/p><\/div>\n

 <\/p>\n

This election was a nightmare. As the day grew close, I sequestered myself at home. I would not watch the news, read the paper, or visit any site more taxing then CuteKittenOfTheDay.com. I didn\u2019t visit my relatives on Thanksgiving because I knew that turkey and dressing would devolve into torture and debacle. Instead, I hid at home, baked cookies, and binge watched Mystery Science Theater 3000<\/em>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

It was of course impossible to hide completely from the fallout, but at a certain point I knew things had gone over the edge. I heard stories of little children afraid to go to sleep for fear that Donald Trump would visit in their nightmares. Like a Golem or Frankenstein\u2019s monster, he was poised to strike. I found out that the daughter of a right-wing family that lives next door to me in Connecticut literally thought that Hillary Clinton was a witch\u2014like one newscaster called her\u2014and was going to fly through the window and turn her into a toad. The candidates were called Nazis, fascists, corrupt thieves, even murderers. Who wouldn\u2019t be scared of them?<\/p>\n

I will tell you who: David Icke. For the last twenty-five years, this British, white-haired ex-footballer has been preaching an elaborate theory about who really runs the world. He explains this theory, along with its grim endgame scenario, to anyone who will listen, which means he speaks to thousands of his followers in the UK and around the world. His lectures fill enormous auditoriums and sports arenas. He sells books and videos and maintains a robust YouTube presence<\/a>.<\/p>\n

Despite his forays into archeology and the construction of the universe, and despite his surprising erudition about signs and symbols, Icke really believes one thing above all else: that twelve-foot-tall lizards from outer space rule the earth. When he says \u201clizards,\u201d he doesn\u2019t mean James Carville or someone who kind of resembles a reptile. He means actual lizards.<\/p>\n

Thousands of years ago, you see, lizards came to Earth from the planets Orion, Sirius, and Draco. They were intergalactic usurpers and their plan was to interbreed with humans. Not sexually, thank God\u2014by changing our DNA. Once they had transformed most of us weak and defenseless earthlings into their slaves, they would rule.<\/p>\n

These Reptilians are not dull-witted things, like, say, pet-shop iguanas. These lizards are brilliant. So brilliant, in fact, that they\u2019ve shape-shifted into the bodies of all sorts of people you may regard as revered and accomplished human beings. Among the lizard elite, Icke includes the entire British monarchy, the Bush family, the Rothschilds, absolutely everyone invited to Bohemian Grove, the Illuminati, Freemasons, most Jews, the Pope, Obama and his wife, and\u2014inexplicably\u2014the country-western singer Boxcar Willie.<\/p>\n

The list is far more extensive, but you get the gist of the awesome power these lizards hold over the rest of us. Because it would be difficult for a twelve-foot lizard to fit into a six-foot human body, the lizards have perfected not only shape-shifting but also a hologram technology. You may think you\u2019re looking at Queen Elizabeth, but it\u2019s just a hologram of her. How smart is this!<\/p>\n

Maybe such smart lizards, you may think, would do a better job of running this planet then we have. If only the lizards were dedicated ecologists and humanitarians, we might willingly submit to their rule. But sadly David Icke\u2019s lizards are the bad boys of the cosmos: cannibals, pederasts, Satanists. They\u2019re evil to the bone, like Hells Angels with scales. You really wouldn\u2019t want them in charge of anything, even if most of them, being world leaders, are already running the show (except for Boxcar Willie, who hasn\u2019t had a hit for years).<\/p>\n

David Icke has convinced me that things can be, and maybe already are, much worse then anyone suspects. So I\u2019m ditching the Democrats and the Republicans, the alt-right and the radical left, the libertarians and the Green Party, and throwing my hat in the ring with the Ickes Party. The Reptilian agenda is a matter of galactic import; human problems seem small in comparison. The first order of business is to build a wall and keep undocumented \u201caliens\u201d out\u2014and when we Ickettes say \u201caliens,\u201d we mean aliens<\/em>. This is, I\u2019m told, our only hope.<\/p>\n

Jane Stern is the author of more than forty books, including, most recently,\u00a0<\/em>Confessions of a Tarot Reader.\u00a0With Michael Stern, she coauthored the popular\u00a0<\/em>Roadfood\u00a0guidebook\u00a0<\/em>series. The Sterns recently donated forty years\u00a0of archival materials to the Smithsonian museum<\/a>, documenting\u00a0the atmosphere, stories, and history of various restaurants, diners, and regional\u00a0food events. <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do Reptilian overlords control the Earth? David Icke certainly thinks so, and maybe he\u2019s onto something.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":906,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[22700],"tags":[9756,26406,26402,19381,26401,2426,26403,1428,26405,26404],"class_list":["post-106089","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-our-correspondents","tag-conspiracy-theories","tag-crackpots","tag-david-icke","tag-donald-trump","tag-election-2016","tag-politics","tag-reptilians","tag-thanksgiving","tag-the-illuminati","tag-youtube-personalities"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nMonsters for Grownups: Learning About Our Reptilian Overlords<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Jane Stern follows the ins and outs of David Icke\u2019s longstanding theory that Reptilians control the Earth.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/12\/22\/monsters-for-grownups\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Monsters for Grown-ups by Jane Stern\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"December 22, 2016 \u2013 Do Reptilian overlords control the Earth? 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