{"id":104323,"date":"2016-10-31T08:38:57","date_gmt":"2016-10-31T12:38:57","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=104323"},"modified":"2016-10-31T10:21:21","modified_gmt":"2016-10-31T14:21:21","slug":"reasons-youve-failed-news","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/10\/31\/reasons-youve-failed-news\/","title":{"rendered":"These Are the Reasons You\u2019ve Failed, and Other News"},"content":{"rendered":"<div id=\"attachment_104325\" style=\"width: 610px\" class=\"wp-caption aligncenter\"><a href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/silent-film-rejections.jpg\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" aria-describedby=\"caption-attachment-104325\" class=\"wp-image-104325\" src=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2016\/10\/silent-film-rejections.jpg\" width=\"600\" height=\"426\" \/><\/a><p id=\"caption-attachment-104325\" class=\"wp-caption-text\">So sorry, writer!\u00a0Image via Open Culture\/<em>Slate<\/em>; full list available via link below.<\/p><\/div>\n<ul>\n<li>If you opened a bookstore with a section devoted to climate-change fiction, you\u2019d have a pretty shitty shelf on your hands. (You\u2019d also run the risk of attracting those who believe that climate change itself is the ultimate fiction.) Amitav Ghosh wonders why so many \u201cserious\u201d novelists consider the subject beyond their grasp: \u201c<a href=\"https:\/\/www.theguardian.com\/books\/2016\/oct\/28\/amitav-ghosh-where-is-the-fiction-about-climate-change-\" target=\"_blank\">Fiction that deals with climate change is almost by definition not of the kind that is taken seriously: the mere mention of the subject is often enough to relegate a novel or a short story to the genre of science fiction<\/a>. It is as though in the literary imagination climate change were somehow akin to extraterrestrials or interplanetary travel \u2026 This discrepancy is not the result of personal predilections: it arises out of the peculiar forms of resistance that climate change presents to what is now regarded as serious fiction \u2026 The calculus of probability that is deployed within the imaginary world of a novel is not the same as that which obtains outside it; this is why it is commonly said, If this were in a novel, no one would believe it.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>A good form rejection letter should be like a good execution: swift, efficient, and demonstrating the kind of brutal indifference that marks true authority. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.slate.com\/blogs\/the_vault\/2016\/10\/27\/form_rejection_letter_for_silent_film_screenwriters_from_the_company_essanay.html\" target=\"_blank\">Essanay Studios, a Chicago film company from the silent era, had it down to a science. They would mail prospective screenwriters a stock list of seventeen reasons their screenplays sucked<\/a>, with a check mark next to the relevant one. E.g.: <small>IDEA HAS BEEN DONE BEFORE<\/small>, <small>NOT INTERESTING<\/small>, <small>NOT HUMOROUS<\/small>, and that old classic, <small>ROBBERY, KIDNAPPING, MURDER, SUICIDE, HARROWING DEATH-BED AND ALL SCENES OF AN UNPLEASANT NATURE SHOULD BE ELIMINATED<\/small>.<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p><!--more--><\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Therese Oneill\u2019s new book,\u00a0<em>Unmentionable<\/em>,<em>\u00a0<\/em>looks at your wedding night through the eyes of the Victorians, who were not, hindsight has revealed, exceptionally skillful sex educators. As Oneill writes, the books of the era found women inscrutable to the point of lunacy; they made sex sound like something that might, someday, with luck and patience, become almost enjoyable: \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/lithub.com\/the-riddle-of-the-vagina-and-other-victorian-attempts-to-understand-women\/\" target=\"_blank\">A new bride is to face her wedding night with a completely symptomless sexuality, dormant inside you, to be awakened only by your lawful husband\u2019s touch<\/a> \u2026 The new you is described thusly in 1895\u2019s\u00a0<em>The Doctor\u2019s Plain Talk to Young Men<\/em>,<em>\u00a0<\/em>written by the impossibly perfectly named Dr. Virgil Primrose English: \u2018[The bride] is not deficient in sexuality and amativeness; but her mind and habits have been so pure, and free from lust, that there has never been anything to produce an excitement of the sexual passions. She may be indifferent regarding intercourse, and she may look upon it with horror.\u2019 \u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>Going back further, to the sixteenth century, we find Richard Hakluyt\u2019s <em>The Principal Navigations<\/em>, an attempt to cobble together a record of every traveler and seafarer the British Empire had seen to date, for posterity\u2019s sake. Its second edition ran to more than 1.7 million words, and in its variety it is, Nandini Das argues, \u201cperhaps the greatest collection of travel writing ever to be put together in any language\u201d: \u201c<em><a href=\"https:\/\/publicdomainreview.org\/2016\/10\/26\/richard-hakluyt-and-early-english-travel\/\" target=\"_blank\">The Principal Navigations <\/a><\/em><a href=\"https:\/\/publicdomainreview.org\/2016\/10\/26\/richard-hakluyt-and-early-english-travel\/\">would become, in many ways, a cornerstone of Britain\u2019s imperial ambitions, but it also serves as a unique record of figures and voices, of lives and experiences like that of Samson Rowlie, that could so easily otherwise have been lost<\/a>. It seems appropriate to celebrate it this year, the four hundredth\u00a0anniversary of the death of the man who compiled it almost single-handedly, and in the process helped to lay the foundations of a moderately-sized island nation\u2019s rather disproportional global influence and presence in the furthest corners of the world.\u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<ul>\n<li>In the seventies, as a visiting professor at Harvard, Elizabeth Bishop met Alice Methfessel, the woman with \u201cblue blue blue\u201d eyes who would animate Bishop\u2019s last years: \u201c<a href=\"http:\/\/www.newyorker.com\/books\/page-turner\/elizabeth-bishop-and-alice-methfessel-one-art\" target=\"_blank\">Methfessel helped Bishop move into her second-floor rooms and showed her how to use the basement washing machines<\/a>. Soon, she was handling Bishop\u2019s mail, and meeting her at the airport after a late return from New York. One night, she stopped in to see Bishop after a \u2018beery party\u2019 with the boys of Kirkland House. They began spending nights together \u2026 In the morning, Bishop watched Methfessel dress from the large blue bed that took up more space than anything else in the room. She adored \u2018the way you pull on your stockings &#8230; very American, careless and extravagant,\u2019 and the sound of Methfessel\u2019s voice, \u2018nice &amp; loud and cheerful,\u2019 as she brought her coffee and spoke the words that soon became their waking-up ritual, \u2018Good-morning I love you.\u2019 \u201d<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>If you opened a bookstore with a section devoted to climate-change fiction, you\u2019d have a pretty shitty shelf on your hands. (You\u2019d also run the risk of attracting those who believe that climate change itself is the ultimate fiction.) Amitav Ghosh wonders why so many \u201cserious\u201d novelists consider the subject beyond their grasp: \u201cFiction that [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":38,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2512],"tags":[5750,1808,6500,629,25462,71,25461,25460,25464,200,25463,25465,25467,5143,25466,19765],"class_list":["post-104323","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-on-the-shelf","tag-alice-methfessel","tag-amitav-ghosh","tag-climate-change","tag-elizabeth-bishop","tag-essanay-studios","tag-fiction","tag-form-rejection","tag-rejection-letters","tag-richard-hakluyt","tag-science-fiction","tag-screenwriters","tag-the-principal-navigations","tag-therese-oneill","tag-travel-writing","tag-unmentionable","tag-victorian-england"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO Premium plugin v25.4 (Yoast SEO v25.4) - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>A Silent Film Company\u2019s Brutally Effective Rejection Letter<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"This and more in today\u2019s roundup.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/10\/31\/reasons-youve-failed-news\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"These Are the Reasons You\u2019ve Failed, and Other News by Dan Piepenbring\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"October 31, 2016 \u2013 If you opened a bookstore with a section devoted to climate-change fiction, you\u2019d have a pretty shitty shelf on your hands. 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