{"id":101770,"date":"2016-08-24T10:30:25","date_gmt":"2016-08-24T14:30:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/?p=101770"},"modified":"2016-08-24T10:54:13","modified_gmt":"2016-08-24T14:54:13","slug":"alan-watts-this-is-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theparisreview.org\/blog\/2016\/08\/24\/alan-watts-this-is-it\/","title":{"rendered":"Alan Watts, This Is It<\/em>"},"content":{"rendered":"

Revisited<\/a>\u00a0is a series in which writers look back on a work of art they first encountered long ago.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Alan<\/a>

Alan Watts.<\/p><\/div>\n

In my high school creative-writing class, one day a week was set aside for reading, our choice of material. The hippieish\u00a0teacher guided those choices, but almost anything worked. It was here, because of her, that I first encountered Alan Watts, specifically his essay collection This Is It<\/em>. All I remember about the book itself is my teacher\u00a0dreamily commenting on the title. I picked up a copy because it was short, and because the subtitle\u2014and Other Essays on Zen and Spiritual Experience\u2014<\/em>spoke to me. The idea seemed \u201ccool\u201d\u2014Watts was a forerunner of the counterculture movement\u2014but I must have been\u00a0too busy with the eternity of high school to focus my attention.<\/p>\n

I was in college when I was in a car accident that tore a nerve in my shoulder. A botched surgery to repair it severed an artery and released a blood clot that, a week later, caused a massive stroke that left me locked inside my body. I couldn\u2019t move or speak, and the doctors said I would be paralyzed from the eyes down for the rest of my life.\u00a0<\/p>\n

Something happened to me in the hospital those first days after the stroke\u2014a sudden unexpected clarity and lightness that occurred in what I later described, in my book, Will & I<\/em><\/a>, as \u201ca liberating flash.\u201d In a geologic instant, my borders fell away to where there was no longer anything\u2014my skin, other surfaces, the distance between them\u2014separating me from everything else. Despite my physical state, it felt like I\u2019d bloomed.<\/p>\n

Eventually, I gained some movement, and after a year of rehab I returned to college and graduated a few years later. I took a fiction-writing class when I went back to school and decided to turn my experience into a story. I would write a novel about it. I wanted to fictionalize all that had happened to me because\u00a0it seemed like\u00a0the only way to understand\u00a0the sense of unity I continued to feel after leaving the hospital, a sense of wholeness that good fiction also possesses and that I couldn\u2019t account for otherwise. Because of my altered body and weak voice, my last years at college were for the most part miserable, but the sense of being at the center of a living world made me care a little less. But all I found myself writing down was an account of the facts.<\/p>\n

\"This<\/a><\/p>\n

A few years later, I went to lunch with a childhood friend visiting Alabama from D.C. He began talking about an Alan Watts book, said it was the best thing he\u2019d read in a while, and I recalled the author\u2019s name. At the time, I was living in the lake cabin our family rented a couple of hours south of Birmingham, and when I got back, I decided to give This Is It<\/em> another try.<\/p>\n

The title essay is about a spiritual but concrete experience that Watts calls \u201ccosmic consciousness,\u201d something that has happened in varying degrees to people since the beginning of time. It\u2019s basically a \u201cvivid and overwhelming certainty that the universe, precisely as it is at this moment, as a whole and in every one of its parts, is so completely right as to need no explanation or justification beyond what it simply is \u2026 The experience has a tendency to arise in situations of total extremity or despair, when the individual finds himself without any alternative but to surrender himself entirely.\u201d I felt an actual tingling in my spine when I read that and immediately recognized it as what had happened to me in the hospital.<\/p>\n

Watt\u2019s first experience with cosmic consciousness occurred right after he\u2019d begun to study Indian and Chinese philosophy, in which meditation is a key practice. He was trying to get in what he thought was the right frame of mind to meditate in, but he couldn\u2019t do it. \u201cIn sheer disgust\u201d he decided to reject all frames of mind. \u201cIn the force of throwing them away,\u201d he writes, \u201cit seemed I threw myself away as well \u2026 and \u2018the problem of life\u2019 simply ceased to exist.\u201d Watts also gives an account of another experience, which he prefaces by describing a fever dream he had when he was eight years old. In the dream, Watts was attached facedown to a steel ball spinning about the earth. He knew with complete certainty he was doomed to spin in this whirl forever, and realizing he had no control, he gave up. \u201cBut the moment when I surrendered, the ball seemed to strike against a mountain and disintegrate, and the next thing I knew was that I was sitting on a stretch of warm sand.\u201d Release in extremity, he explains, lies through and not away from a problem.<\/p>\n

In retrospect, I had also surrendered entirely (though I couldn\u2019t have said this at the time). The \u201csense of intense relief, freedom, and lightness\u201d that Watts goes on to describe is what I think allowed me to begin moving again. Then it was like someone patting a loose pile of playing cards into a neat deck. I finally\u00a0had words for an experience I had thought was ineffable, and I\u2019d found the hinge around which everything else in my book revolves.<\/p>\n

Clay Byars attended the Sewanee School of Letters and is an assistant editor of Narrative magazine. He is the\u00a0author of\u00a0<\/em>Will & I: A Memoir<\/a>, out this summer from FSG Originals.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Revisited\u00a0is a series in which writers look back on a work of art they first encountered long ago. In my high school creative-writing class, one day a week was set aside for reading, our choice of material. The hippieish\u00a0teacher guided those choices, but almost anything worked. It was here, because of her, that I first […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1042,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[22669],"tags":[3551,1000,24078,2747,24077,17105,24083,71,24080,24082,2185,6879,635,2165,21226,23398,24081,24076,24079,75],"class_list":["post-101770","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-revisited","tag-alabama","tag-alan-watts","tag-clay-byars","tag-control","tag-cosmic-consciousness","tag-despair","tag-extremity","tag-fiction","tag-fsg-originals","tag-letting-go","tag-loss","tag-meditation","tag-memoir","tag-nonfiction","tag-revisited","tag-spiritual","tag-surrender","tag-this-is-it","tag-will-i","tag-writing"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nRevisited: Alan Watts, \u2018This Is It\u2019<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The title essay is about a spiritual but concrete experience 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