Elizabeth Shippen Green, 1906.

In 1932, an Irish popular songwriter named Jimmy Kennedy penned one of the most sinister sets of lyrics ever composed. Kennedy—who had already had Tin Pan Alley success with numbers like “Barmaids Song” and “Red Sails in the Sunset.” Later, he would go to write “Isle of Capri” and “My Prayer.” But to the contemporary ear, perhaps none of his compositions is as memorable as that terrifying song he set to John Walter Bratton’s 1907 two-step.

I refer, of course, to “The Teddy Bears’ Picnic.”

The original tune (portions of which are a blatant rip off of the “Death or Glory March”) is chilling enough: the ominous, minor-key lead-in, the burst of forced major jollity come chorus—but Kennedy took it to a whole new level. One can only assume the wild popularity of the teddy bear served as muse, although Kennedy lived in Somerset, and is said to have been inspired by a local grove. Well, that grove must have been terrifying. 

If you go down to the woods today
You’re sure of a big surprise.
If you go down to the woods today
You’d better go in disguise!

For every bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain,
Because today’s the day the
Teddy Bears have their picnic.

Picnic time for Teddy Bears
The little Teddy Bears are having
A lovely time today.
Watch them, catch them unawares,
And see them picnic on their holiday.

See them gaily gad about.
They love to play and shout,
They never have any care;
At six o’clock their Mommies and Daddies
Will take them home to bed,
Because they’re tired little Teddy Bears

Every Teddy Bear who’s been good
Is sure of a treat today.
There’s lots of marvelous things to eat
And wonderful games to play.

Beneath the trees where nobody sees
They’ll hide and seek as long as they please
‘Cause that’s the way the
Teddy Bears have their picnic.

Picnic time for Teddy Bears
The little Teddy Bears are having
A lovely time today.
Watch them, catch them unawares,
And see them picnic on their holiday

See them gaily gad about
They love to play and shout,
They never have any care;
At six o’clock their Mommies and Daddies
Will take them home to bed,
Because they’re tired little Teddy Bears.

If you go down to the woods today,
You’d better not go alone!
It’s lovely down in the woods today,
But safer to stay at home!

For ev’ry bear that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Today’s the day the
Teddy Bears have their picnic.

Picnic time for Teddy Bears
The little Teddy Bears are having
A lovely time today.
Watch them, catch them unawares,
And see them frolic on their holiday.

See them gaily gad about
They love to play and shout,
They never have any care;
At six o’clock their Mommies and Daddies
Will take them home to bed,
Because they’re tired little Teddy Bears.

The whole thing has the air of something made up to scare children, by someone who doesn’t understand children: don’t go out alone! Mind your parents! Only good little bears get to go! But beyond the song’s cheap moralizing, there are mixed messages: if you do go, you’ll see something secret and awesome.

And sinister, of course. Not only is the listener urged to disguise himself like a creepy peeping tom, but there are consequences if discovered: one senses that the gay gadding has something of the forbidden rite about it. Like Masons, the teddy bears guard their secrets closely—and will punish any spies in their midst. The picnic sounds less innocent playtime than Secret History–style bacchanal, with a dash of Wicker Man into the bargain. Your terrible teddy-bear suit will provide no protection; they will sniff you out, tar you with hunny, shout and howl and stare out of their horrible blank button eyes. And there will be no one to hear your screams.

Sadie Stein is contributing editor of The Paris Review, and the Daily’s correspondent.